Chapter 9
nine
. . .
Saylor
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a day that was this relaxing and fun. I’ve been so focused on getting the bookstore open, getting the financing lined up, and working at the coffee shop to cover my living expenses.
But today had just been about family and friends and enjoying our time together.
Cutler had needed help to find the two hundred eggs Kingston had filled for him, and we’d all pitched in.
Nash made endless fun of Kingston for going so over the top, but that was just who he was, and I knew Nash loved it.
Cutler had done endless celebratory dances as he opened each egg to find all sorts of treats inside.
There were coins and candy and stickers and a few mini baseballs.
He’d filled a few with sunflower seeds, which had earned him a glare from Nash, but Cutler enjoyed every second.
I was surprised that Selena wasn’t here, but I didn’t want to ask why. It wasn’t my business. Maybe she was just with her family today.
One of the best parts about the day was the fact that my mom was there. Hayes and I had encouraged her to come, but it was always tricky because Barry wasn’t welcome, and she would usually choose to stay with him.
She’s always chosen him, hasn’t she?
“It’s so nice that Pearl is able to be here,” my mom said, as we finished eating.
River had gone to pick up his grandmother so she could spend a few hours with everyone outside of the nursing home.
“Yeah. She’s the best. I’m so happy she could be here, too.”
“The food was delicious. Do you think I can take a plate home for Barry?” she asked, and I hated how nervous she was when she mentioned his name.
To say there was a lot of water under the bridge was an understatement.
I just hated that this man had come between us.
“Listen, I don’t think you need to say who it’s for, all right? You can absolutely take a plate home for later.”
“Hayes is being really distant,” she said, and my gaze moved to where my brother stood, pitching balls to Cutler.
“He just doesn’t understand your choices, Mom.” I looked away for a minute before my gaze locked with hers again. “Barry has caused all of us a lot of pain. And I don’t know why you can’t see it or why you stay—and Hayes, well, he’s protective. It’s who he is.”
She nodded. “I know. But he’s been really good lately. He encouraged me to come today. He wants to see you, too, you know?”
I let out a long breath. “I can’t have a relationship with a man who has hurt all of us. Continually. So that is not going to happen.”
“I get it. But people can change.”
“Sure. And he’s been given lots of chances, and they’ve never lasted long.” I held up my hand to stop her from defending him. “I love you, Mom. I will always love you. But I won’t be around him. He’s burned this bridge too many times.”
“But you’re always so willing to forgive your father and try to mend that relationship.
What’s the difference?” Her eyes were hard now, and this is what I hated.
This is why my brother didn’t want to be around her when she was with Barry.
She was defensive and mean when they were together.
Like she’d been around all his negativity, that she brought that ugliness here with her.
At the end of the day, she’d always put him first. I’d grown up in a home where neither of my parents had ever put me or Hayes first.
But my brother, he’s always been that person for me.
He’s always put me first.
“The difference is that my father never hit me. He never put his hands on me or on you or on Hayes. That’s the difference, Mom.
” I shook my head and glanced around to make sure no one was listening.
Everyone was off in the yard, cheering on Cutler or sitting on the dock, looking at the water.
Kingston took a few people out for a boat ride earlier, and everyone was looking sun-kissed and windblown.
“But you’re right, Dad has not shown up for us at all.
I should just walk away, but I’d still like to know him.
Know my half-siblings. So that’s why I try, I guess. ”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t do this today. It’s Easter, and I’m grateful that you invited me. But I’m going to head out, sweetheart. Barry is home alone, and I told him I wouldn’t be long.”
Of course, she did. I scanned her body out of habit, looking for bruises.
The abuse from her husband was not the way I’d always thought abuse would be.
It wasn’t consistent. He wasn’t a scary man on the outside.
Barry was fine—until he wasn’t. Sometimes the rage came once a year, and other times, it was once a month.
My mother claimed it hadn’t happened in years, and I could only take her at her word.
He’d gone to court-appointed anger management therapy more times than I could count.
He held a decent job. They had a home that appeared to be clean and safe.
Yet I’d never felt that way when I lived under that roof.
Because living in an environment where you had to constantly be on edge, wondering when the rug would be pulled out from under you, was exhausting.
And I didn’t live through what she did. Barry had hit me a total of three times in my life, and all three times were due to me trying to break up physical fights between him and my mother.
I’d been a nervous kid. An anxiety-ridden, painfully shy teenager. And once I moved in with Hayes when he turned eighteen years old and agreed to be my legal guardian, everything had changed. And it only got better once I left for college.
After many years away from that toxic environment, I’d found my way.
My confidence.
My independence.
I didn’t live in fear or worry anymore. And I wanted that same peace for my mother.
I couldn’t begin to count the number of dandelion wishes I’d made for her.
“All right. Well, I set out a bunch of to-go containers on the counter, so help yourself to some food to take with you.”
“Don’t be upset with me,” she said, and my chest squeezed. I looked up to see Hayes watching us, his eyes hard. I smiled, letting him know everything was okay.
“I’m not. I’m glad you were able to come, Mom. All I want is for you to be happy.”
“I promise you, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,” she said, and I realized in that moment that I didn’t know what happiness looked like for my mother.
She struggled with depression. She mixed her prescription drugs with alcohol when things weren’t going well with Barry, and I didn’t have a single memory where she appeared to be genuinely happy.
And that was something that had always haunted me.
“I’ll go make my rounds and say goodbye.
I’ll stop by the bookstore for the grand opening this week. ”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” I leaned forward and hugged her. “Love you, Mama.”
“Love you, too, baby girl.”
I pushed to my feet and spent the next hour sitting down by the water, talking with the girls.
“River’s a little worried about King. He hasn’t been himself lately at all. He seems really tense, which is so unlike him,” Ruby said.
“Yeah. Romeo said he’s been working a lot and is definitely more stressed than usual.
” Demi leaned back in her chair and smiled at me.
“I’m so glad you convinced him to come ride with us last weekend.
I’ve been trying for a while, and he finally agreed when you asked him.
There’s something about riding a horse that just helps you find your peace, you know? ”
“I’m guessing it’s kind of like riding a man, huh? That’s where I always find my peace,” Peyton said, as loud laughter filled the air around us.
“You have the crudest mind.” Demi shook her head.
“I think he enjoyed himself. He said it’s been a while since he’s been on a horse. And I think the pressure of getting this bookstore open and the renovation at Brighton Ranch has been weighing on him, so things will slow down now.” I crossed my cowboy boot-clad feet at the ankles.
“I haven’t seen him out much in the last few weeks, which is also very unlike King. You know he’s Mr. Social,” Ruby said.
“Maybe he’s been spending nights at home with Selena,” I said, taking a sip of my beer as my gaze found him sitting in a chair by the firepit, talking to the guys.
His broad shoulders strained against his black tee, and his long legs were stretched out in front of him as he tipped his cup to his lips.
I noticed he’d poured himself a hefty glass of whiskey after dinner. Maybe he just really needed to relax.
“Oh, I think that’s done. River said that ended shortly after the party at our house that night he got stung by the bee,” Ruby said, and I was surprised to hear that. He hadn’t mentioned it to me, but maybe he didn’t think it was any of my business.
“You never did tell us,” Peyton asked, leaning in and waggling her brows. “When you pulled that stinger out, did you get a look at the goods?”
I rolled my eyes as Ruby and Demi both groaned while trying to hide their laughter.
“Of course not. Everything was covered up just fine.” I shook my head. “I’m going to go grab another beer. Does anyone want one?”
“Hell yes,” they all said at the same time, and I chuckled as I looked back at the firepit and noticed how tense Kingston’s shoulders looked. He didn’t appear to see me, and it was getting dark outside now, so I came up with the perfect plan.
I quickly moved toward the house and hurried to the side yard, where I knew there was a patch of dandelions. I picked the brightest flower, glancing over to make sure he wasn’t looking, but he had his back to me now.
I dropped my empty bottle into the recycling bin and pulled out four new beer bottles, leaving them there on the counter before jogging down the hallway toward his bedroom.
I was going to hide this somewhere he’d least expect it. I made my way into his bathroom and glanced around.