Chapter 13
thirteen
. . .
Saylor
The feel of the petals grazing along my bottom lip, while his hand was wrapped around the side of my neck, thumb slowly tracing the line of my jaw…was overwhelming.
I’d never been so turned on from just a hand on my face.
This made no sense.
This attraction. This pull. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced.
“Can’t go there, Saylor.” His voice was gruff, and my eyes sprung open.
Mortification set in as I searched his gaze and realized he wasn’t going to kiss me.
Here I was, panting over the man who was barely touching me, and he was turning me down.
The feeling was familiar in ways I couldn’t begin to explain. This feeling in my life like I wasn’t good enough. This battle I had with myself about not allowing anyone to make me feel that way again.
I stepped back immediately.
“Got it. Then let’s stop playing games, okay?” I moved around the counter and locked the register before grabbing my purse.
He just stared at me with this look I couldn’t quite pinpoint. I knew Kingston Pierce better than most. He was a good man with a big heart. He’d never intentionally hurt me.
But did that make the situation any better? Not really.
Did anyone intentionally hurt anyone? I don’t know. But it wasn’t much of a defense either.
I walked toward the door, and he followed me outside as I turned to lock the bookstore up. When I glanced over at him, he looked like he’d just committed a crime.
“I’m fine, King. You don’t have to feel bad about it. I never expected anything to happen.” I started walking, and he found his stride beside me.
“The only thing I feel bad about is you hearing me in the bathroom. That was so fucking wrong, Saylor. I just had a lot of pent-up frustration, and it was the release that I needed.”
I tried to hide my smile as I turned to look at him. “Life of a playboy, huh? Always chasing your next release?”
“It’s not like that.” He stared straight ahead.
“Your house is in the other direction. You do not need to walk me home.”
“So if I don’t kiss you, I don’t get to walk you home?” he teased, and I slapped him on the arm.
“No. It’s not that. But I already told you... I don’t need a babysitter.”
“Well, you’re stuck with me. So, deal with it.”
I huffed and didn’t respond. We walked in silence the rest of the way. When we made our way up the steps to my front door, I paused and turned around. “I’d say you’ve done your job. I’m good.”
“Are you mad at me, Dandelion?” he asked, and he looked so tormented it took everything I had not to hug him. This was a pattern for me. Always trying to make everyone else feel better. Always putting other people’s feelings first and my own needs second.
“I’m not mad. Not at all. I’m just…” I shook my head and looked away.
“Come on. Tell me what you’re thinking. We’ve never held back from one another. We’ve always been honest.”
“Okay. I have a father who didn’t fight for me.
A father who let me go live with friends instead of stepping up and helping me and Hayes when we were taken from our home.
A father with a lot of money who just chose not to help us.
Help me. And I tend to be drawn to that.
You know, finding people that don’t put me first. Grahame, my college boyfriend, is a perfect example.
He loved me, but not enough to make me a priority.
He always put football first. His family.
His friends. And I finally had enough, but it took me a long time to realize that it’s a pattern for me.
Me trying to be enough, you know? So here I am again, about to kiss a man I’ve known forever, a man I’m fairly certain is attracted to me, too, and—I’m still not enough.
” I swiped at the tear that broke free and rolled down my cheek.
“And I’m not doing that again. I just dated Coach who was crazy about me, and for whatever reason, I didn’t feel it for him.
Maybe I’m doomed because I have daddy issues. ”
“Saylor,” he said, his voice strained as he moved closer. “That is not what this is.”
“All right. I was honest with you. How about you grant me the same respect.”
He nodded, reaching forward and tucking my hair behind my ear.
“You want the truth? I’ll give it to you.
I’m so fucking attracted to you it’s painful.
I haven’t been with a woman in months, and nobody knows that.
I think about you all the time. But I’ve never been in a relationship.
I don’t know if I’m capable. But that is on me, not on you.
You are enough, I can assure you that. You are so much more than enough.
I get off to thoughts of you every fucking day.
Don’t you ever say that you aren’t enough because there is no one who compares to you. ”
My breath hitched in my throat, and my eyes widened. “But…”
He shook his head. “It’s not like I can date you and see where it goes.
It doesn’t work that way with us. Your brother is family to me.
He’s my best friend. He trusts me. The five of us have a bond.
And it’s not a line I can cross casually.
So, I can’t go there, and it’s not because I don’t want to.
And it’s not because you aren’t enough. It’s because I’m not enough.
And if I fucked this up, it would affect a lot of people. ”
I shook my head in disbelief. “Do you hear yourself? That’s so ridiculous.
No one knows when they first date what’s going to happen.
I wanted to have feelings for Coach, and I just didn’t.
But I didn’t run from it. I gave it a chance, and it didn’t work out.
I was honest with him, and we’re still friends. That’s what grown-ups do.”
“To an extent, that’s what I do with other women.
I know how dating works. I’ve always been honest with the women I’ve dated and the women I’ve hooked up with.
But they are not you. And you and me—we can’t do what you and Coach did.
We can’t test the waters, because if it ended poorly, Hayes would never forgive me.
The guys would tell me I was being selfish.
And they’d be right. This attraction, these feelings, they’ll pass.
We’ve always been close friends, and if I fucked that up—I would never recover from that. ”
I shrugged. “Well, we can agree to disagree. It’s no one’s business.
I don’t need my brother’s permission to kiss someone or date someone.
Life is about making mistakes and learning from them.
Chasing things that feel right and acting on them.
Hayes has made his fair share of mistakes, too.
I don’t get to tell him what to do. I asked you to kiss me, King.
I didn’t ask you to walk down the aisle. You’re making this too big a deal.”
He moved closer, my back pressed against the front door. He moved both his hands to each side of my face now. His dark gaze searched mine beneath the moonlight.
“One kiss?” he asked, his tongue swiping out to wet his lips.
“One kiss. Then we’ll laugh about it later and go back to normal. No one has to know. It’s our secret. We’ve kept secrets before.”
That was all it took, apparently, because his lips crashed into mine.
He tipped my head back the slightest bit as his tongue slipped in and tangled with mine. My arms wrapped around him, my hands twisting in his dark hair, tugging him closer. My entire body tingled, as he groaned into my mouth, kissing me like I was the air he needed to breathe.
My body sparked to life in a way I’d never experienced from just a kiss.
I was lost in the feel of his lips against mine.
Of his tongue exploring my mouth.
And he pulled back, eyes wild with need. “Well, it’s official. I’m fucked.”
I smiled up at him. “Not too shabby for a one-and-done.”
“It was hot as hell, and you know it.” He took a step back, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“I won’t deny it. But I’m not the one who needs everyone’s approval to act on it.” I smirked. “Have a good night, King. I’m guessing a cold shower is in your future.”
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he asked, as he walked backward down the walkway.
I held up my thumb and forefinger and kept them about an inch apart. “A little bit.”
“Get inside. I’ll text you later.”
I laughed as I put the key in the door and stepped into the house. I dropped my keys on the counter and fell onto the couch.
I just kissed Kingston Pierce.
And it was the best freaking kiss of my life.
He really is a forbidden king.
It had been a day, and I moved to my feet, making my way to the bathroom before turning on the water to fill the tub. I hurried to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine.
The bookstore opening had gone off without a hitch, and I’d sold far more books than I’d anticipated, which meant I’d need to check inventory and restock items this week.
I’d had an emotional outburst with King, followed by the sexiest kiss of my life.
A girl could only handle so much in one day.
I poured a hearty glass of chardonnay and made my way to the bathroom and turned off the water.
I placed my wineglass and phone on the little table beside the freestanding bathtub.
The smell of my lavender bath salts filled the room as I stripped down and tied my hair up in a messy knot on top of my head.
I slipped into the hot water and groaned at how good it felt.
I thought about my conversation with King.
About how I was done settling for anyone who didn’t want me to be their priority.
I thought about how much my relationship with my biological father had affected my life.
I resented him for it, but a part of me still wished for a relationship with him.
I wanted to know my other siblings, too.