Chapter 22
twenty-two
. . .
Emerson
I lay there, trying to catch my breath for so long, it was getting embarrassing. I pulled back to look at him.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“Hey, beautiful. How do you feel?”
“That was amazing. I think we should do that again as often as possible,” I said, my voice sultry and unrecognizable.
Hello, fabulous orgasm. It’s been a while.
“We can do it anytime you want. My dick has an open-door policy when it comes to you.” He stroked his fingers along the side of my face.
Nash shifted me off his lap and set me on the couch before walking the short distance to the bathroom.
I heard the toilet flush, so I knew he’d disposed of the condom.
He strode back toward me, with only the moonlight shining in through the windows illuminating his large, muscled body.
He had no shame in the way he confidently moved in my direction, probably because he was some sort of chiseled Adonis.
He pulled on his briefs before reaching for the blanket on my couch and wrapping it around me and settling me on his lap again.
There was such a comfort between us. One I couldn’t explain because I hadn’t known him for that long. But somehow, it felt as if I’d known him forever.
“Thank you for this,” I whispered, as emotion took over. “It hasn’t been like this in a long time, if ever, actually. So thank you for showing me how good it can be.”
His thumb swiped at the single tear rolling down my cheek, and I cringed at how ridiculous I was being.
“Sometimes moving forward is hard, even when you know you should. So, if I’m able to help you see that you deserve better—that you deserve the fucking moon and the stars and all that shit—then I’m happy to do it.
” His gray gaze locked with mine. “Maybe you just needed to see how good it could be when you aren’t in a bed. ”
“Oh, you think it’s the location, huh?” I chuckled, completely comfortable that I happened to still be stark naked while sitting on my couch.
I’d never had that comfort before now. Collin was all about being proper and following rules—well, until he was banging my best friend, which seemed like a pretty big rule to break.
I liked that I didn’t have to worry about anyone questioning what I wanted anymore.
Questioning how hard I worked.
Questioning the amount of time I spent with my family.
“I think it’s just time that you do what you want. From what you’ve told me, you haven’t done that in a long time. I think it’s damn good that you’ve been set free,” he said, and his words hit me right in the chest.
“Sometimes I feel guilty, you know?” I whispered.
“About what? He’s the one who should feel guilty, not you.”
Nash had a confidence that I envied. I’d noticed it the first time that I met him. He wasn’t trying to impress anyone. He didn’t overthink his words. He knew who he was. What he wanted. And he made no attempt to dim that for anyone.
“I guess I just didn’t know what a relief it was going to be to have my heart broken.
” A loud laugh escaped my lips. “I mean, there were deposits put down for a wedding that the whole town was going to be attending. There were plans made and a future that I had laid out for myself. A job I thought I’d be taking but that I walked away from.
And yes, my fiancé and my best friend definitely broke my heart.
And they have to carry the weight of their choices.
” I looked away for a minute as I gathered my thoughts.
He didn’t rush me or push me for more. He waited.
“And sometimes I feel bad because I’m happier now than I’ve been in a long time.
I just didn’t know I wasn’t happy before, because he was all that I knew.
But even being alone these last few months, it’s been freeing. ”
“It doesn’t change what they did, but I think it’ll make it easier to forgive and move forward, knowing that you’re happy.”
“How about you? Do you forgive easily?”
“I don’t normally let people get close enough that there’d be a reason to forgive, if that makes sense.” His eyes were so earnest and genuine. “I keep my circle small for a reason. My focus is Cutler. I’m close to my father. And my friends are my family.”
“What about Tara? Do you forgive her for leaving?” I asked, because I wanted to know more. He was raising his son with so much love, and I wondered how he didn’t resent her for leaving Cutler. Leaving him.
He sighed, and I saw several emotions cross his gaze in just a few quick seconds.
“Tara is the one who’s missing out. If she’d stuck around and stayed in town, I’d be sharing custody of Cutler, and I don’t think I could have handled that.
So sure, it pisses me off that she left him.
I don’t have a whole lot of respect for her anymore.
But I’m grateful at the same time, because he’s my greatest joy.
And there would be no Cutler without her, right? So how can I hate her for that?”
I nodded. “I understand that. You have one amazing little boy.”
“I know I do. I’m a lucky man,” he said. “And apparently, you’re baking unicorn Krispies with him tomorrow?”
“Yep. He’s never made them. How is that possible?” I laughed.
“I don’t really bake.” He tugged me down and kissed me. “But thank you for doing that for him.”
And before I knew what was happening, he was on his feet, carrying me toward the bedroom. And I was hoping it was time for round two.
Because I couldn’t get enough of Nash Heart.
I couldn’t remember a time that I’d felt more relaxed.
More at peace. Nash had spent the night with me last night.
We’d had sex for a second time in my bed.
We’d then had sex in the shower together this morning, which was also new for me.
Collin thought sex and showers were hypocritical.
He believed you showered to get clean and start your day.
I’d thought I felt the same.
But now I knew differently.
One should always have sex in the shower before starting their day.
I felt like I was on top of the freaking world.
My not-serious relationship was proving to be better than the only real relationship I’d ever had.
And today, I was showing Cutler how to make unicorn Krispies, and we’d made a batch of red velvet cupcakes because he’d said those were his favorite. And I was having the best time.
“I can’t believe you told Pops he couldn’t stay,” Cutler said over a fit of laughter as he continued stirring the chocolate batter in the mixing bowl.
“Well, this is our thing, right? I can’t teach you the secrets of baking with your dad all up in our business.” I smirked as I lined the cupcake tins with paper.
“I think he was happy to take Winnie on the boat, anyway.” He dipped his finger into the bowl and popped it into his mouth, his eyes going wide when I caught him.
I dipped my finger in and mimicked him, and he relaxed. “No sense baking if you can’t test the goods, right?”
“Yes! I knew you were my girl before, but now it feels like you’re my girl and my best friend. Just don’t tell J.T.”
I chuckled. “You really are the cutest, Beefcake. So why’d you want to learn to bake the unicorn Krispies?”
“Well, there’s this girl in my class named Jolie.” He set his spoon on the paper towel beside the bowl, and I showed him how to ladle the batter into the little cups.
“And Jolie likes unicorn Krispies?” I asked, helping him dip the ladle into the batter and maneuver it into the cups. He was very cautious and careful, and it impressed me. My grown brothers and cousins couldn’t fill a cupcake tin with batter to save their lives, so this was surprising.
“Every year, we do a special day for each kid in the class, and it’s called Star Student Day.
Jolie brings cupcakes every single year on her special day.
Her mama makes them. And then her mom and dad wear these T-shirts that say Jolie’s mom and Jolie’s dad on them when they walk her into school.
So I thought maybe if I learned how to make treats of my own, me and Pops could bring something for the class this year on my special day.
And no one has ever brought unicorn Krispies. ”
A lump so thick it nearly choked me formed in my throat. It physically hurt me to know that he was hurting about anything. Because Cutler Heart was so loved and adored, but sometimes, it was easy to look around and compare yourself to what you think you should have, and it could be very painful.
“I’ll bet you could get your dad to bring in just about anything you wanted him to. And I’m sure he would wear any T-shirt you chose for him,” I said, as I watched him meticulously fill the last cupcake paper.
“I know he would. And he bought cookies for me last year. But we never made homemade before.” He paused and thought about it. “And Pops can’t bring me to school with a mama, because I don’t have one.”
I turned to look at him as he set the ladle down on the paper towel as if he hadn’t said something heavy at all. He was just speaking the truth.
“But I bet everyone doesn’t have both parents bringing them to school on their special day, right?” I knew there was talk of Tara coming to visit soon, but I wasn’t going to bring that up, because, according to Nash, she wasn’t someone they could count on at all.
He looked up at me with those big brown eyes, almost like he felt empathy for me because he sensed my sadness about the conversation.
“Nope. They don’t all have both parents bringing them to school every day, but all the kids in my class do have two parents.
But everyone knows I’ve got the best pops in town.
But one time I’d like to have two people bring me to school so I can say I’ve got two as well. ”
It was like a dagger to the heart.