Chapter 30 #2
Before I climbed into bed, I went to my suitcase and pulled out another letter.
I’d brought a few with me, because for whatever reason, they made me feel close to my husband.
The pile of unread letters was getting smaller.
It was almost like reading a favorite book where you didn’t want to finish too soon, but you couldn’t wait to read more.
Hey Sav,
Seven fucking months and no word from you. Saylor and I have been back home for a couple of weeks now, and, of course, Barry is here. My mother is acting like we’re one big happy family. It’s completely crazy. This dude hurt Saylor, and now we have to fucking live here.
I could handle it if you were living next door, Sav. Or even if you just replied to one letter. One fucking letter. I’m losing my mind. I miss you. So much has happened, and I can’t wrap my head around it.
All these firsts that I realized I’d never done without you.
My first birthday without you has come and gone.
I was sure you’d call. Kate threw a party for me at her parents’ house, and she didn’t invite the guys.
So none of the people there were my friends.
I hated every minute. I snuck out early and met the guys at Romeo’s dad’s gym, and we drank a beer in the alley.
Kate didn’t talk to me for three days, and I can’t say I minded it.
But she’s back now. She just shows up, you know? Maybe she’s one of the few people who can actually tolerate me.
Anyway, I had my first football game. I realized it was the first time I’ve ever played a game where you weren’t there. I’ve got my guys there, cheering for me. Kate’s a cheerleader, so she’s out there shouting her ass off for me. Yet I feel completely alone because you aren’t here.
Fuck. I’m probably just tired. Tired of writing letters that you’ll never read. I had some scouts out at the game, but I don’t know if college is even an option anymore. We’d always planned to go together. Do you remember that, Sav? That plan that we had?
Truth is, I can’t leave Saylor in this house alone. I’m going to need to figure something out if I want to leave Magnolia Falls to go to school.
The one person I usually talk this shit over with is you. The only person I trust when it comes to these types of decisions. Kate thinks college is stupid, so there you go.
Maybe college is stupid. I just don’t know that I care about much anymore.
I hope you read this. I still look at my stupid green pea on my wrist and wonder if you remember what it means?
Because I’m starting to think you’ll never come back, and I’ll never hear from you again.
I’ll keep trying for a while more.
You’ve got to give me something, Sav. I’m losing faith in us. Maybe I’m fucking crazy, and we never were as close as I thought we were.
Hayes
My heart ached as two tears dripped down onto the inked paper, making it bleed. I couldn’t wait to wrap my arms around my husband and tell him that there hadn’t been one day after I left Magnolia Falls that I hadn’t thought of him.
Because it was the truth.
The next few days were intense. We’d been here for ten days, and my father had started treatment. He was dealing with all the side effects that we were familiar with when it came to chemo. This was a more intensive type of chemo, and he was vomiting and nauseous and feeling horrible.
Nadia and I took turns sitting with him, and I went for walks outside when I needed to get out of the hospital. Emotionally, it was taxing watching someone you love suffer in this way.
I’d prepared for it, but it was definitely taking a toll.
I had just finished reading another chapter of my father’s novel.
He would sleep while I would read, and then we’d discuss it.
It was a beautiful story, and I’d been emotional from the first page when I realized that he’d written a book about a young girl that fit me in every single description but that he called fiction.
Her relationship with her father mimicked ours, and it was about the young girl’s journey to finding her own happiness.
I set the book down and rubbed my eyes as he woke briefly and growled at me for water.
He was moody and angry at the world, and that was fair.
They’d prepared us for everything, which was why Nadia and I took shifts and breaks.
I missed Hayes. I missed my life in Magnolia Falls.
My phone rang, and it was my husband. He always knew when I was thinking of him.
We’d fallen asleep with our phones beside us the last few nights, because I’d had a hard time sleeping lately.
“Hey, baby,” he said, his voice sounding tired.
“Are you feeling okay?” I held the phone up so I could see his handsome face. Three of the guys had gotten the stomach flu, and he’d had to pick up extra shifts to cover for them.
He was handling his new position as captain like a rock star. I hated that I wasn’t there to bring him soup and support him right now.
“Yeah. Just tired. We had a bunch of calls today, and it’s been busy.”
“I wish I was there to bring you dinner.”
“I wish I was there to sleep next to you. I don’t sleep well without you,” he said, his voice strained and exhausted.
We were both struggling being apart, and I knew I was here for at least another week.
He wasn’t sleeping well.
And neither was I.
It was amazing that we’d lived for a decade apart, and now we couldn’t handle being apart for a week or two.
I hated how much I needed him now.
“Me either.”
“Even when I’m away at the firehouse, I just like knowing you’re in our bed.”
“Me, too.”
“Tell me how your dad is doing today.”
I spent the next twenty minutes filling him in on everything, and then I heard the siren go off in the background.
“I’ve got a call, baby. I’ll phone you later or in the morning if it’s too late.”
“Okay. Be safe. I love you.”
“I love you.”
I ended the call and made my way back to my father’s room just as Dr. Dorsey was coming out after his evening rounds.
“How’s he doing?”
“He’s miserable, but that’s to be expected, and it’s a good sign because it’s doing what it’s supposed to.” He cleared his throat. “Do you have a minute to come to my office?”
My stomach dipped. Why would he need me to come to his office?
Was there more going on than I knew?
Was the cost of treatment more than we’d expected?
My mind raced as I followed him down the hallway to his office.
He closed the door and motioned for me to take the chair across from his desk as he made his way to the other side and sat down.
He typed something on his keyboard and woke up his monitor, and I folded my hands together nervously.
“Is it bad?”
“Well, I guess that depends on if you were expecting this.”
“Expecting this? Does he have complications?” I rubbed my temples with my fingers because I just didn’t know how much more I could handle.
“He doesn’t have any complications, Savannah. At least not more than we’d prepared for, and I’ve already shared all of that with you.”
“Okay. Then what is this about?” I asked, leaning forward, unable to hide the concern from my voice.
“This is about you.” He turned his computer screen toward me. “You’re pregnant.”
You’re pregnant?
“Pregnant? That’s impossible. I’m on the pill. I can’t be pregnant.” Panic erupted beneath my skin. My heart raced. My palms were suddenly ridiculously sweaty.
“Well, one can get pregnant while taking birth control. Do you ever miss a day here and there? That increases your chances.”
I hadn’t been great about it with all that had been going on.
“I’ve probably missed a day or two. Or three,” I winced.
Oh, my god. What had I done?
“Well, I’m not a gynecologist, but I can read the blood work. Your HCG levels are unusually high.”
“What does that mean?”
“I can’t say for certain, but it typically means that there’s a chance you’re having twins.”
“Twins?” I could barely get the word out.
More than one baby.
Two babies.
There was a chance I was pregnant with two babies.
By a man who didn’t want children.
My head was spinning. I couldn’t process this.
I’d made a mess of everything.
Dr. Dorsey came around the desk and bent down to look at me. “The good news is that your blood work was perfect otherwise.”
Somehow that doesn’t feel like a relief.
Because I may have just lost the love of my life.
And I didn’t know how to do life without him anymore.