Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
Hartford
Throughout all the years I've known Paxton, never once has he surprised me with lunch. It's such a boyfriend-like gesture. It fills me with warmth, and I can't help but grin foolishly as I hold the bag of food.
"Wow, thank you. Mind if I chew your ear off while I munch?" I ask.
He nods and settles into the chair opposite my desk.
I sink back into my seat, then eagerly dive into the bag. "Aw, sweet potato fries too? You're too good."
The way Paxton’s studying me right now makes me nervous. Has he always looked at me like this?
Like he wants to unravel me?
“I know how much you like them.”
I pull out the contents of my bag, setting everything up. “Did you already eat?”
He nods. “Yeah. After this, I’m stopping by Moore’s Restaurant to see if they need anything for next week. They’re one of our first clients, so I want to take care of them.”
I nod, remembering how excited Paxton was to land their first client back when he started selling for Atta Boy.
Before that, just like Brock, he was a cellarman, brewing beer and coming up with new flavors.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man love beer as much as Paxton.
And not just drinking beer. No, he loves the complete process. From grain to glass.
“You’ll have to tell Willow I said hi.”
“I will.” He leans back in his chair as I savor my first bite. “What all do you have to do today?”
“I need to finish my article. That’s what I was working on before you arrived. The main components are going to be safety and ensuring consent before any of the fun activities ensue.”
“Yeah, safety’s a big one. I think my finger finally healed.” He stares down at his finger.
“I can’t believe you cut your finger,” I say, remembering the night it all happened.
He blushes slightly. “I was preoccupied. You were so hot in that outfit.”
“Maybe I’ll wear it again,” I say between bites of my burger. “Oh wait, you cut holes in it and ripped it off me.”
“I’ll buy you a new one.”
So there will be a next time, but then what? Do we go back to being friends? Do we continue to be friends with benefits?
That’s not what I want, and I need to tell him that.
I take a sip of my soda, but we’re interrupted by a knock at my door.
Phillip, a copy editor, peeks his head inside. “Oh, I didn’t realize you had company. Hey, Pax.” Phillip pushes his glasses up his nose. “Was seeing if I could get started on your article. What time are you thinking you’ll be done?”
I set down my soda, glancing at my computer. “Give me an hour?”
He nods. “Okay. See you two later.”
Paxton waves at Phillip, then smiles at me. “I should get out of your hair. I need to get over to Moore’s. I’ll see you tonight, right?”
I nod, knowing I can’t tell him how I feel about him right now. “Yes, tonight. I’ll be home around six.”
He gives me a kiss on the cheek and leaves my office. After he’s gone, I slump in my seat.
How am I going to tell him I want so much more than what we’ve been doing? Will he feel the same? I swear there were times last night that I thought he was telling me the truth. That he meant the words coming out of his mouth.
Have I been tempting him for all these years?
I’m just too afraid to ask for fear of the unknown.
After my lunch, I finish the article, and around five, I pack up my things for the evening. As I’m leaving, Mr. Charleston calls me into his office.
It’s bittersweet. The article’s done. Now what?
“I’m reading the first few lines of this article, and I love it.”
I smile. “I’m happy you’re pleased with it. I had a great time learning about BDSM.” And that’s not a lie.
Women should embrace their sexuality and not be afraid to go after what they want in the bedroom. Even if it’s being controlled by the man.
I have to say, it’s so hot seeing Paxton be controlling, even though he’s nearly losing all of his willpower to not ravage me like a wild beast.
It makes me feel sexy, and every woman should feel like that.
I included it all in my article.
As I stand in his office, I get a phone call. I glance at the phone and back at Mr. Charleston. “It’s my Aunt Nora,” I tell him.
A broad smile sweeps across his face, and his cheeks redden. “Answer it. Tell her I said hi,” he says, a little too excited.
I swipe the accept button and my aunt’s voice fills my ear. “Hey, sweetie.”
“Hey, Aunt Nora. What’s up?” I glance at Mr. Charleston. “Mr. Charleston says hi. I’m standing in his office.”
“Oh my.” I can hear the flustered tone in my aunt’s voice. “Tell Robert I say hi back.” If you could hear a woman blush, it would be right now. I swear she’s getting all hot and bothered, and it nearly makes me giggle.
I relay the message to a pleased Mr. Charleston, and then say my goodbyes to him, leaving his office.
“The house is all fixed,” Aunt Nora says. “You can stay there anytime you like. The fire restoration technicians were able to repair everything, and viola, it’s all perfect now.”
My heart sinks, and I feel ill at the thought that staying with Paxton is over. I fake excitement in my voice. “Oh, that’s great.”
We chat for a few more minutes, but as I walk to my Volkswagen in the lot, sadness washes over me at the thought of leaving Paxton.
I don’t want to tell him.
I drive around town, going the long way to Paxton’s apartment, wondering if I can stall time. My article is finished. My house is livable again. There’s no reason to continue doing what I’m doing with Paxton, other than the mere fact I want him.
When I arrive at his apartment, the lights are low when I step inside.
“Paxton,” I call out.
“In here. I got you something.” His voice is coming from the kitchen, so I drop my purse on the entryway table and head in that direction.
Nothing could prepare me for what I see when I enter. Paxton is in nothing but gray sweatpants, his chiseled chest on full display for me. My gaze admires all the lean muscles rippling down to that sexy V. And the best part? He’s holding a plate of macarons.
“Are those what I think they are?” I ask, stepping closer.
“Yep. Macarons.”
“I haven’t had one since I was in high school.”
He nods. “I remember you saying it was the best thing you’d ever eaten. Then the bakery closed, and macarons became scarce.”
“Where’d you find these?”
“February Frost. She’s a fantastic baker.”
I snatch a green cookie from the plate. “Did you try one already?”
He looks at me sheepishly. “I may have had one or two.”
“Two?” I ask, incredulously.
He smiles. “Maybe three.”
I grin before taking a bite of the macaron. “Oh my god. You’re forgiven for nearly eating them all.”
“That’s pistachio.”
“It’s so good,” I tell him before taking another bite.
“How was work?” he asks me as he sets the plate down.
I don’t want to tell him the article is finished. I also don’t want to tell him I’m able to move back into my place. Instead, I want to live in this safe cocoon with him a while longer.
I raise a brow. “Let’s not talk about anything outside of this apartment.”
He gazes at me with pure seriousness etched on his face. “I love that idea.” And then he snatches me by the waist, tugging me closer. “I’ve been thinking about kissing you all day long.”
“Then do it,” I say, closing my eyes and waiting for his lips to claim mine.
And they do.
It’s a sweet kiss, magical and perfect for the moment. I let myself get caught up in the fantasy of coming home from work every night and Paxton waiting for me. Whether it’s with dinner. Dessert. Or just him.
He deepens the kiss, and we make our way back to his bedroom, losing our clothes in the process.
Once we’re there, I climb onto the bed, but Paxton stalls.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, wondering if he’s changing his mind.
“You’re the sexiest woman ever. I just want to stare at you, study you.”
I twist on the bed, trying my best to look as sexy as he thinks I am. “Come here,” I say, wanting to feel his body pressed against mine.
“Your wish is my command,” he says, climbing onto the bed. He moves toward me in slow motion.
“Pax, please,” I beg, wanting him to touch me more than anything.
“I love how greedy you are for me.” He kisses along my neck as he pulls me to cuddle him. Our bodies are facing each other, both of us on our sides. I wrap a leg over his waist.
He moves his hand across my outer thigh, over the flesh of my ass, and then he moves toward the inner junction of my thighs. To where I want him most.
“You’re always so wet for me, Hart. It turns me on knowing that you get so wet for me.”
I clasp my hands on his face. “I do,” I say before kissing him.
His tongue dances along my tongue, and my body grows hot with desire. I need him. I need him one last time before this all comes to its inevitable end.
“Hartford…” Paxton pauses, gazing into my eyes as he holds me close.
He looks so serious, and I swear I feel like he’s going to tell me he loves me.
My heart jumps into my throat as I wait for him to speak.
“I love feeling your body against mine,” he finally says, and it’s like a whoosh of air escapes my lungs.
He may not love me, but I definitely love him. I love him so much that I imagine he’s promising me forever with every touch.
With every kiss of his lips on my skin. I ingrain the memory into my brain. With every movement, I pray it’s not the last time.
He makes slow love to me, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself, and when we’re done, he holds me tight. Our hearts beat in unison, and I nearly cry at the thought of this ending.
As we lie there, I kiss his throat before propping up on my elbow. “My article is done.”
Paxton studies me for a beat before smiling. “That’s great. What did Mr. Charleston think?”
“He loved it. And thank you for letting me stay. My place is ready to move back into.”
“Sure, always. You’re my best friend. I’d do anything for you.”
I lay back against his chest, thinking about how this is all over now. We’re done. This is over. I don’t know how I feel about that.
Who am I kidding?
I’ll be a wreck for the unforeseeable future.
On my lunch break at work, I stop by my favorite Pad Thai place. I think about Paxton bringing me lunch yesterday and decide to return the favor. To make sure we’re friends. That things haven’t gotten weird between us. I order him chicken Pad Thai and walk across the street toward Atta Boy.
The sun’s shining overhead, and I’m actually happy. Sure, it’ll be weird going home to my empty house, but things are feeling the same between Paxton and me. We’re slowly heading back into the friend zone where we belong.
Right?
I head into Atta Boy’s and I walk over to the bar.
“Hi, Trudi. Do you know where Pax is?”
She jabs a thumb over her shoulder. “He’s in the brewery. Go on back.”
I walk past the bar, into the kitchen, waving at Griffin in his chef’s jacket as I pass through. When I head into the brewery, I don’t see anyone.
I walk up to the office door and stop dead in my tracks when I hear Paxton talking with Brock and Tripp.
“It’s obvious you’re in love with Hartford.”
I inch closer, wanting to know how Paxton will respond. My heart beats loudly in my ears as I stay as still as possible.
“Love?” Paxton roars with laughter. “I’m not in love with Hartford. We’re just friends.”
Just friends.
And there’s the final nail in the coffin.
Just friends.
I race back to the bar and leave the Pad Thai with Trudi to hand off to Paxton.
Then I bolt.
Just friends.
Something I never want to be with Paxton ever again.