Chapter 11 #2
I must’ve sat there a good fifteen minutes, letting her rest, before Ms. Rochelle peeked her head in the doorway. With a smile, she said, “Aww.”
I looked down at Diary, with cheese crumbs all over her face, and felt the same way. I had another little princess to love on and protect. It was bittersweet for real. I didn’t even want to leave the bed; I already knew that eventually leaving her to go home would be hard as hell.
Carefully, I picked her up and laid her on the bed. Reaching over, I hit the lock button on the iPad to turn Blippi off.
“She been up since seven this morning,” Whispered Ms. Rochelle as we crept out of the bedroom. “I was wondering when she would tire herself out.”
“Seven huh? That’s a minute. I know she keeps you on your toes,” I said.
She sighed. “Mmhmm. She sure do.”
Walking into the living room, I was greeted by Aaron, Erika’s brother, and who I assumed to be Justin.
He played a role in the family, I just didn’t know what.
My gut told me he was Erika’s boyfriend, the way he’d been moving like a bitch.
It didn’t give cousin, uncle, friend or none of that.
He was at the hospital and the wake. Was the nigga who’d made the slick comment when I was standing at the casket.
Aaron chucked his chin. “What up doe?”
I chucked mine back in return. “What up?”
Justin just nodded. Ms. Rochelle looked between the two of us and said, “I thought y’all were introduced.”
“Nah, we weren’t,” Justin said, with his eyes on his phone and a screwed look on his face.
I laughed and shook my head. “Who is this nigga? Gotta be her nigga.”
He looked up from his phone, stuffed it into his pocket and locked eyes with me. “Fiancé.”
I wasn’t surprised. I would have put two and two together a long time ago if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in what I had going on.
The nigga moved like a bitch about the situation.
He was in his feelings. The only time a nigga moved like that was when and if his bitch was involved in some type of way.
No disrespect to Erika—I was just saying.
With my mouth turned down, I nodded. “Figured. Ay, what’s good tho’? You gon’ be a problem?”
“Nah nigga,” he said with raised brows. “Is you?”
“Come on now y’all,” Ms. Rochelle pled with her hand on her hip.
She didn’t have shit to worry about. I didn’t want smoke with the nigga—he had an issue with me.
For what? I didn’t know. I hadn’t fucked with Erika in years.
It didn’t make any sense for this cornball ass nigga to have a chip on his shoulder.
Ah, you know what? It was about Diary. Had to be about Diary.
Didn’t make any sense for it to be about Erika.
“I’m cool, ma. I’m straight. You already know what it is,” Justin said with a sigh. “We good nigga. Just… adjusting like everybody else. My bad if I came off a way. Sorting through shi—stuff.”
I didn’t give a fuck about him sorting through shit. I was sorting through shit too. I hadn’t come off as disrespectful to the nigga once.
“Y’all niggas be cool,” Aaron said. “E left all of us fucked up.” He sized me up. “Cut the nigga some slack.”
Gripping the top of my joggers, I sat in a chair across from where they sat on the couch.
Cut the nigga some slack? Fuck him. How niggas had been coming at me since I showed up was crazy.
Shit, E kept a big ass secret from me, and I wasn’t around this bitch mean mugging, making slick comments.
My disappointment in Erika wasn’t taken out on neither of them.
“Go ‘head ma; say what you need to say,” Aaron added.
Ms. Rochelle took a deep breath and looked over at me.
“This has been a transition for all of us,” she paused.
“I lost my daughter—Duke, you just gained one. Justin… you lost your fiancé. Aaron… you lost your sister. More important than all of that, my grand baby lost her mother. And she needs support more than anything right now.”
Neither of us said anything.
“Justin… I know accepting Duke has been hard but—
“I don’t need acceptance,” I interrupted with a frown. The fuck? I didn’t give a fuck about neither one of them niggas.
“Respectfully… let my momma talk, dawg,” Aaron said.
I started to say something but decided against it.
Regardless of how I felt about them, I had an immense amount of respect for Ms. Rochelle.
During this whole process she’s been nothing but respectful and understanding with me.
I didn’t want to disrespect her crib by smacking the fuck out of her son.
Then because these niggas seemed to stay on each others' dicks, Justin’s weak ass would probably jump in and then I’d have to find out where the niggas lived.
It would be a whole thing. So… I chilled.
“But he here now. Duke, Justin been in Diary’s life since she was around six months.
He care for her like she’s his own.” Pausing, she turned her attention to Justin.
“But she ain’t though. You are. And Justin gon’ have to accept that.
Just like you gon’ have to accept him being around, too.
He here, Jay, and he wants to be apart of his daughters life.
Regardless of what Erika might’ve made it look like. ”
“What she might’ve made it look like? She was goin’ around telling people I didn’t want anything to do with the baby?” I asked, wearing a frown, pissed off.
That wasn’t a rep I wanted on me. No wonder niggas were looking at me sideways, making sly remarks and shit. They thought I knew about Diary and straight up walked out of their lives. What type of bullshit was that?
“Not exactly,” Ms. Rochelle said with a sigh.
“Every time she was asked about you, she laughed and said she was mommy and daddy. So what were we to assume? Sounded like you were a deadbeat to me. But about a year ago, I got a glimpse of Diary’s daycare forms, and I saw she’d put your name down up under mine.
We had a little talk. She told me you didn’t know but she planned on telling you eventually.
Because I don’t like to meddle in folks’ business, I left it alone, trusting that she really would have a talk with you and God would bring you into Diary’s life when and how He saw fit. I guess this is how He saw it best.”
Her bottom lip trembled, and she dabbed at her eyes.
With a deep breath she continued, “Because she had the talk with me and not them, they still thought what everybody else been thinking. I don’t go running my mouth so today…
right now… is the first time they hearing this from me.
This whole time, they thought you were a deadbeat, and they didn’t like you because of it.
But that ends today because the truth is on the table now. .”
“She ain’t keep Diary a secret from this nigga for no reason, tho,” Aaron said with his arms crossed over his chest, eyeing me suspiciously.
“Well, I ain’t call y’all here to talk about why Erika did what she did.
She ain’t here to defend herself so let’s just leave it at that.
” She paused and hung her head a little.
“I’m sixty-eight—ain’t got no business taking care of a two-year-old full time.
Almost seventy, just lost my daughter, ain’t in the best health… I can’t do this by myself.”
I nodded. Ahh… okay. My situation was about to get ten times worst. Got it. And she said God knew what was best. How? How was this best for me? How was Ms. Rochelle pulling out of the equation going to help me at all?
“So what you sayin?” I asked.
“She sayin you gon’ have to figure something out with ya schedule, man,” Aaron said.
“My momma raised her children. Shit, she love Diary—we love Diary—but she was Erika’s responsibility.
Moms looked out every now and then but full time?
Nah. Sis had that in the bag. Why you think it took now for you to even know about D?
She was handling shit by herself. Jay looked out some times, but when E said she was mommy and daddy, she did that shit. ”
Justin ran his hands down his head and shook it. “What you need from me, ma?”
“Jus’, baby, I don’t need anything from you.
You’re not the legal guardian. Diary ain’t your responsibility neither.
I know you love her but it ain’t up to you anymore.
I told you this weeks ago. Let him take care of her.
You do what you can do. But I’ll never sit up here and just tell you what to do, son. ”
I sat back against the chair and just listened. Mind running what felt like a million miles per minute.
Ms. Rochelle was stepping down. She wanted me to step up.
How was I going to step up full time when I had a whole ass family back at the crib?
The perfect family. We were wrapped in a pretty ass bow.
How in the fuck was it going to look? Me coming home to my family…
my kids… telling them about Diary? Was that what I was supposed to do?
Was that what the almighty God wanted me to do?
He wanted me to end my own life? Because that’s exactly what would happen if I sat my family down and told them I had a daughter.
“I’m not leaving you in this alone, Duke,” Ms. Rochelle spoke up, probably noticing how quiet I was. “I’m sayin… I’m sixty-eight, still working to maintain, grieving, with high blood pressure, and limbs that don’t move the same. I don’t work the weekends. I can keep her every weekend and—”
“You don’t need to be doing all that,” mumbled Aaron, shaking his head. “I thought you said you were quitting last week?”
“Quit and then what, Aaron? Hm? That SSI check ain’t gon pay for nothin!
We ain’t talking about me and work right now.
Secretaryin’ ain’t hurtin’ nothing. It’s keepin up with Diary that’s hard for me.
” She stopped fussing with Aaron and turned her attention back to me.
“I need you to keep her at least five times a week. I can’t—
I laughed. “That’s not going to work for me.”
“You gon’ have to make it work for you—”
“Nigga, shut the fuck up,” I snapped, talking to Aaron. “Look…” I paused, shook my head, and ran the tip of my tongue over my bottom lip. “It’s not gon work for me because I have a family.”
Fuck it. Should’ve said something a long ass time ago. But… it was what it was. And the cat was out of the bag. If that changed how Ms. Rochelle felt about me, then so be it.
“Come again?” She asked with raised brows.
“You heard the nigga, ma. He got a family. No wonder Erika ain’t want nobody to know,” Aaron said, shaking his head.
Justin sat quiet with his arms crossed over his chest, shaking his head. Good. He was usually quiet anyway, probably processing the shit like I was.
“You got a family? You had a family… then too?” Ms. Rochelle asked, with her eyebrows scrunched up, pain and disappointment written in the wrinkles on her face.
I took a deep breath and nodded. Sitting up, I rested my elbows on my knees. “When we met, yeah. She knew too. I never hid it from her and—”
“Yeah okay. Ain’t no way she knew you had a family and still dealt with you,” Justin said, finally opening his mouth.
“Think what you want to think. I don’t give a fuck. I know what happened and E know too.”
I was pissed.
Didn’t like to curse in front of my elders but today I didn’t give a fuck. Ms. Rochelle was pulling a quick one over on me and I didn’t know how I was going to maneuver around it. I needed her to know why I couldn’t juggle it. Needed her to work with me.
“Oh my God. Lord, what did my baby get herself into,” Ms. Rochelle mumbled. “You married?”
“Married with four kids and—”
“Five,” Aaron interrupted.
I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath. “Four with my wife, nigga. You know what the hell I mean. I’m not denying Diary. Trying to be in her life the best way I can. But it’s been rough juggling all of this—”
“Rough for me too. You want me to have sympathy for you? More sympathy than I already have? Son I’ve extended you grace ‘cause I knew something had to be up but I’m at a crossroad now.
I can’t,” Ms. Rochelle shook her head. “I can’t do it no more.
I’m sorry Erika kept this secret from you and I’m sorry she ain’t give you an opportunity to have a say so in Diary’s life but listen…
my grandbaby here. Ain’t got no momma… She need her daddy and—”
“This shit ruining my life, bro,” I mumbled. With a laugh I said, “If I knew E was pregnant baby girl wouldn’t even be here. And I mean that with the most respect. Erika knew what the fuck she was doin.”
I stood up, ready to leave but before I could walk off, Ms. Rochelle placed her hand on my chest. “Please, Duke. Please… have a seat for me. Let’s—let’s figure this out. Justin said he’d help as much—.
“Man, I’m good. Ain’t helping this nigga,” Justin said. “I’ll see Diary on the weekends when you have her. Let the family man figure it out.”
“So, you gon’ take yo anger with this nigga out on a kid you helped take care of for two years? You know she love you nigga,” Aaron said.
“Bro… I’m just sayin,” Justin mumbled.
It was a lot going on. Too much going on.
I was on the verge of smacking a nigga, on God.
But who I wanted to smack more than anybody was myself.
Erika too. Wanted to choke the bitch up but what could I do with that?
Nothing. It was my dick that got me into this shit.
Couldn’t even really be mad at shorty, for real.
But I could though. I really fucking could because like I said, had I known about the pregnancy, I would have had it terminated pronto.
No questions asked, not a single fuck given.
Might’ve been fucked up to say, considering my seed was literally sleeping in the next room.
But I didn’t give a fuck. How in the fuck was I supposed to juggle this shit, bro?
How Ms. Rochelle just gone drop a bomb like this on me?
I looked up and shook my head.
Nigga wasn’t giving me a break. Refused to let up off me, didn’t He?
I swallowed and stuffed my hands into my pockets. “Look Ms. Rochelle—”
“I know. I know it’s a lot. I understand, baby. I promise I do. I’m not talking about tomorrow. I’m not even talking about this week. But next week… next week some things gotta change, son. We gon’ sit her down and tell her you’re her father and we gon’ go from there.”
I nodded, told her I understood and left to head to the card game I told Mahogany I was going to. But first, I was stopping at the liquor store. I needed a bigger bottle.