Chapter 8 #2
“If I had made no effort, then—” He swallowed words Elias could not begin to guess at.
“I have come here because, despite Lady Hannah’s best attempts at pretending otherwise, your sister thinks the world of you.
Even though she’d never submit to anyone else’s decisions, she longs for your support.
” Lord Spencer barked a resigned laugh. “I am a rough man, myself, and God help me, I am no good with speeches. Why, I have offended you faster than a horse is spooked by the swaying grass. All I know is that your sister thinks of you as a man of courage, capable of keeping an open mind and taking a risk. Is she mistaken? If so, I will not shy away from your challenge.”
Elias was wrong. Lord Spencer really did know his sister. However, the Elias that Hannah thought so highly of… for a long time, that person no longer existed. But now…
Opening up. Taking a risk.
He had been opening up. For the right person…
he was ready to take a risk. Old Elias would not even entertain the thought of making a mistake.
He would drag his feet in a futile attempt to gather more information, more evidence that could prevent every chance of getting hurt…
Yet all Elias felt was impatience at the chance of happiness.
His heart could not be wrong this time. And, perhaps, his sister’s heart was not wrong, either.
“Tell me this. What does my sister think of you?”
“She thinks I could make her happy. And I would go through the fiery gates of hell before I let her down.”
Elias drew a deep breath before offering a handshake.
May was right, after all.
There was no hiding love.
He had to back down and believe in what was before him. Because if what Hannah and Lord Spencer had was real, then, perhaps, there might be a happy ending for Elias, too.
“I’ve spoken with Spencer,” said Elias, taking a seat next to May in the shade of the estate’s Greek-style alcove.
The summer’s heat was bearing down, but it was the solitude rather than the shadows that drove May here. Though she’d grown very practiced at it, being alone today was crushing. The absence of it all: of noise, home, family…
Elias’s voice startled her, but the alarm quickly faded into relief. It was as if the duke had heard her heart call out and merely followed its beat to find her.
With him, everything was so easy.
“I now see I may have judged the man prematurely.”
“Do you, really?” She couldn’t keep the surprise from her voice.
Surprise, and affection. He’d taken her words to heart.
Changed his opinion because of her advice, and spoke of it without reservation, as if every man in power was so easily candid about their mistakes. That man… how was he even real?
“Oh, yes. I don’t know what I was thinking comparing him to her.”
“Her?”
Elias stared out into the trees. “The woman I was once betrothed to.”
Her. His love—the liar.
“What happened?” May’s voice shrank to a whisper. It was one thing hearing it from Lord Frenwick or Lady Hannah, and another from him.
“I trusted wrongly. I would have paid for it, too, if not for my father. She was a charmer, you see. Quick, beautiful, and so easy to love. And I did—really, I did. But I never knew the real her.
“I do wonder sometimes… Would I have been in the dark still, had Father not intervened and set everything aflame? Or could I have been happy living a lie?” He paused. “Forgive me. I am in a contemplative mood today, it seems. Truth is, my father did me a favor.”
May was not sure she wished to know, but she asked anyway. “What did he do, exactly?”
Elias laughed without mirth. “Oh, you’ll find this familiar.
He found someone handsome to play the part of a richer man.
Richer than me, if you can imagine that, and one without a healthy father to keep the purse strings well tied.
She flitted to him all too soon. It was the perfect setup.
I walked in on them together—opened the door, and there they were, too entwined to tell limb from limb.
All I recall now is my father watching as I stumbled from the room.
He did not even attempt talking to me—he just set it all up and showed up to watch, as if it were just another night at the opera. ”
“Oh, Elias…”
“I suppose he wanted to get his point across so that I never forgot what was at stake. Naturally, he succeeded. It is funny how much I used to hate him. Now I’ve gone and done the exact same thing, all to spare my sister that very pain.
” Elias casually crossed his legs, but even this well-practiced gesture could not conceal the bitterness in his voice.
“Of course, unlike me, my father actually knew a fake when he saw one.”
A fake. May dug her fingers into her dress, as if doing so could distract her from the needle sinking deeper into her heart.
This was not the time to confess her own lies.
Not when he needed to know that his open heart was his strength, not a weakness.
“Your trust is worth so much, Elias. I am sorry your father did not see that.”
“He left me much but not trust. Just a crumbling legacy, and no wisdom to protect it. I made it work, of course. I rebuilt his dreams, strengthened their very foundations. And then I finally understood what he was trying to do, why he was so desperate to educate me.” Elias suddenly looked so tired.
“Everyone wants something from me, May... It never ends.”
May took his hand into her palm. She knew it was the truth. Power, to her, was an enviable thing. But to Elias, whom everyone sought to use at every turn for their ends, it was a terrible burden he could not set down. But he could protect his sister from it.
“Your intentions were good. It makes a difference, does it not? How much you love Hannah?”
He answered without answering. “I should have told you this as soon as our business arrangement turned… more pleasurable. But I certainly must say it now: you are no longer required to draw Spencer out.”
May’s lungs ceased to work. So, their arrangement was off?
“You asked for proof…” Proof she could not provide.
“I consider that condition fulfilled.”
She had not failed? Convincing him of Lord Spencer’s sincere intentions had counted, after all? The weight of the idea, the consequences… they sank in ever so slowly.
This spelled the end of her duties. No more conspiratorial smiles or sleepless nights. No more acting the lady by his side. No more pretending as if she could be his. Whether she explained herself or quietly disappeared—her time was up. Their time was up.
Her eyes stung.
Elias reached into his inner pocket to take out a purse.
He was intent on paying her, right this moment.
The realization sent her heart thudding.
She would have the rest of the money right away.
She’d have the funds to walk into that cursed pawnshop today to claim what was hers all along. To finally get her mother back.
It was happening too fast—but as the duke split the leather wallet open to produce a small envelope, May couldn’t help but accept it.
It was addressed to Lady May Graceworth.
She opened it with a confused frown.
It was not a promissory note.
“What is this?”
“It occurred to me that you never received a wedding invitation.”
May looked at the neat cursive on the paper. A cordial invitation to celebrate the union of Lady Hannah and Lord Spencer.
“I… see.” She swallowed. “I’ll try my best to attend.”
By the time the wedding came, she would be back with Justina, working as a maid again, in a completely different London than the one Elias inhabited. She would not be able to face him—not like that. Once she walked out of this estate, she would not be coming back.
“You better not be thinking of shortchanging me.”
“What?”
“It seems you are thinking of running off already.” He smirked. “Am I such a terrible employer? I still haven’t figured out why you took on the job. You do not seem like the mercenary type. Oh, do not look at me so—you are wily, yes. But not nearly as cutthroat as I’d expect.”
May was too raw to invent an answer. “You said your father knew better. Well, so did mine. But, in the end, a dream is just that—a dream. I thought I took this on for my family.” A family that wanted her to have the world.
Instead, what she ended up with was no family at all.
“Perhaps, that was just a story I told myself to feel better. Perhaps, I’m just doing it because that is all I can rely on. ”
“That is not all.” His voice dipped low.
May’s entire body thrummed in recognition of what passed between them.
The love, the hope. Did she dare believe in it?
“So don’t you think of taking off.” He was fierce as he tilted her chin upward with his index finger until she had to face his blazing eyes.
“Though your work is well done, our agreement is not yet complete. My dearest co-conspirator, our contract was very specific. This isn’t done yet. Not until somebody says, ‘I do.’”
Salt coated her throat. May raised her eyes to the sun, as if it could purge her heart of turmoil, her head of the memory of Elias’s binding eyes.
He did not mean to let her go.
Not yet.
She got to stay by his side. To live the lie that felt like desperate hope more and more each day. Until the wedding, she would have everything. But today… she did not have enough. Not for the necklace.
May knew all she needed to do was ask for his help, and she would have it. She could still march into that pawnshop, lay down the money, and restore her mother’s necklace into her possession.
She could have her family. The last remnant of her home.
Ask. Just ask.
Yet, as moments went by, May said nothing. The lie of her true identity lingered between them like a ghost—imperceptible, but always there, always a question mark, the final “what if.”
Elias trusted her now, but how could he trust her once he knew who she really was?
That deception was bad enough. She would not wreck him further by using him for her ends.
But in that moment, all May wanted was for Elias to know her.
The real her. She had lost the last piece of her mother today. She could not lose her love, too.
May kissed him, desperately, hungrily seizing his lips.
Though she caught him unprepared, it took mere moments for their bodies to adjust to one another.
Elias leaned into her kiss, and May allowed herself to brush her fingers through his hair, unwilling to come up for air just yet.
He tasted of berries, and inexplicably… he felt like home.
In the end, she could not have both her mother and her love. In reality, she could not have either. But she could have this moment, and however many could fit until a bride walked down that cursed aisle.
“Well, then,” May broke away with a smile, “until such a day, I remain at your full disposal, Your Grace.”