7. 7
7
Barrett glanced around the Man Maid office in an uncomfortable leather armchair. With a few coats of paint and Will’s life savings, the downtown building had been transformed from the stale remains of a raided massage parlor to a new, sleek, modern storefront. Silver metal lined the windows, previously-broken ones Ava had replaced immediately. Once-beige walls were now a breathtaking teal damask wallpaper accented with crown molding and all-new baseboards. The room smelled of lavender essential oils. Soothing classical music played quietly through hidden speakers, furthering the small establishment’s posh feel.
A large glass desk, one Will and Barrett dragged over from Ava’s prior home office, sat in the middle. A minibar stocked with bottles of Fiji and seltzer water was next to it, labels all facing out.
Behind the desk hung a horizontal canvas print covering most of the back wall. It was an image of a shirtless Will Jessup holding a spray bottle in bright yellow rubber gloves. It was a smaller copy of the same billboards that now peppered Highway 191 near the affluent neighborhoods.
The glass front door opened, and a waft of men’s cologne -- sweat and cedar with a hint of citrus -- flooded Barrett’s nostrils.
He chuckled, knowing who it was before he even turned. “’Sup, you dink?”
But Will wasn’t laughing. His face was contorted in a grim expression of anger, something Barrett had rarely seen in decades of knowing him.
He’d fucked up. That was clear.
Will slapped Barrett on the back of the head. Hard .
“Ow! You dick!”
Ava entered with an armful of binders and a stony stare. She slapped Barrett in the back of the head, too.
“Alright!” Barrett rubbed the sore spot where her engagement ring cracked against his scalp. “Use your freakin’ words , people!”
Ava sat in the chair at the desk, her black blazer and skirt making her look every bit the fierce businesswoman she was. Will stood beside her in sweaty gym clothes, staring at Barrett.
“I just have one question,” Will muttered.
“What’s that?” Barrett struggled to make eye contact.
“What… the fuck , dude?!”
“What?” Barrett shrugged, trying to downplay his disastrous afternoon. He jostled his camo-clad knees nervously. “The hiccup at Mrs. Thompson’s? So I murdered some broad’s bathroom rug and put a hole in a towel. Big deal. That ain’t even close to grounds for not one but two head slaps.”
“Hiccup? This wasn’t a hiccup, Barrett! Thompson was a regular client! I’ve been cleaning her place for almost a year now. She pays on time and tips gen-er-ous-ly . This was a huge account!”
“Some chick already gave birth on those towels, or whatever! They were already ruined with afterbirth... or placenta… or whatever-the-fuck goo comes out of a woman when she calves out!”
Ava leaned back and bit her tongue, looking out the glass front door at the traffic outside.
“Besides the rug and the towels, she said you did sub-par work on the kitchen and the bathroom. And, probably worse than all of that, she said you propositioned her. Said you asked her right off the bat if she wouldn’t rather start in the bedroom . Sue said you came onto her.”
“Hey, isn’t that what this is all about? Servicing horny old women while their husbands are at work or some shit? Or am I just… misunderstanding.”
“You’re misunderstanding! ” Ava yelled, her voice booming powerfully in the small room.
“Wow. I’m at a loss for words,” Will said, hugging his damp chest with glistening, ripped arms.
“Dude, come on! It was my first day! I’ll get ’em next time,” Barrett said casually.
Ava shook her head.
“ There won’t be a next time ,” Will spoke quietly. “We gotta let you go, Bud.”
Barrett swallowed the lump in his throat. “What? No. Over a rug ? That’s what insurance is for. Take it out of my pay or something. Don’t fuckin’ fire me.”
Ava growled, “You tried to sleep with her! You left the house in more of a mess than when you arrived! Then, you fucked up her dryer with the rug. It wasn’t a cheap one either , Barrett. It was industrial . And apparently, her towels and rug were worth more than my first fucking Honda .” She moaned and rubbed her eyes. “Now our insurance is gonna take a hit.”
“With the repairs and replacements, you just put us in the red this month for the first time since I started this business. Look around you, Barrett. I’m not running this place out of my pickup truck as a side hustle now. This is a real business. One with a very particular clientele. Rich women, Barrett… they talk .”
“One negative review takes about ten positive ones just to equal out,” Ava said, chiming in. “Plus, we can’t have you jeopardizing us legally , either.”
“Ugh, what the fuck are you even talking about?” Barrett flopped his head backward.
“Hey, that’s my future wife you’re talking to right now, and your boss —”
“For another, what, thirty-nine seconds?!” Barrett threw his hands up and let them flop on the overstuffed arms of the chair with a thunk .
“I don’t care if you’re my best friend or not. You can talk to me how you please, but you will show her some goddamned respect .”
“Fine. I’m sorry, Ava,” Barrett grumbled. Ava didn’t acknowledge him.
Will continued. “Thompson is a paying client. If you’d have slept with her, that’s called prostitution . It’s illegal. This isn’t Vegas. You don’t work at the Bunny Ranch . You even offering made her uncomfortable. A major part of this business we are trying to build relies on female safety and empowerment . These clients, they’re the ones in control. Not us. I’ve seen her. If Thompson wanted to get laid, she could go to half the bars in this town and pick up a horny knucklehead that she can dose with her husband’s Viagra .”
Ava interjected. “You’re not the only six-pack in town, Barrett. We’ve got a line of guys from Swole who want to join the fleet and have a lot more domestic experience than you. This was a favor to Will, bringing you on.”
Barrett stared at Will like he was Judas Iscariot from one of Pastor Erikson’s New Testament sermons. “Cleaning isn’t that complicated, guys. You don’t need some kind of a degree to be a fucking janitor in hot pants .”
“Says the man whose apartment hasn’t been clean since the Bush administration,” Will said with a scoff.
“ Senior , not ‘ W ,’” Ava added.
Will gave her a look that begged for her to let him handle it. “Ava will cut you your first and final check. I’m sorry this didn’t work out.”
“Wow.” Barrett laughed. “Guess this means I’m no longer your Best Man, either.”
Will shook his head. “No. Business and family are separate. You’re still my friend. Still my Best Man. I love you like a brother, Barrett. I just… can’t risk everything we’ve worked so hard to build on someone who can’t take this seriously.”
Barrett ran his hands through his thick quiff of black hair, stood, and turned toward the door.
“Sorry that I let you down.” Barrett put his hand on the glass. “ Both of you.”
Ava nodded, averting her gaze.
“Wanna shoot some pool tonight?” Will tried to soften the blow.
“Rain-check, maybe.” Barrett shook his head and stepped out.
After a long moment of silence, Ava finally muttered the word, “Fuck.”
“What?” Will rubbed the top of her back.
“Dammit!”
“You having a sudden change of heart?”
Ava nodded. “Go grab him, would you?”
Will nodded and raced out of the building. He hollered for Barrett and waved him back in.
“What?” Barrett looked like a whipped puppy as he re-entered, shoulders sunken. “You wanna just give me my final check now to save postage or somethin’?”
Ava sighed deeply.
“If it’s about the wedding, the answer is ‘no.’ I haven’t gotten my tux fitted yet.”
“Seriously? You have to order ahead. I said that in my email last month when I sent you all the information.”
Will chimed in. “Please, Barrett, just… get fitted.” His eyes flashed his friend a glance that said: Don’t test her. She’s serious. I’m scared. Please send help.
Ava finally spoke with reluctance. “We’ll give you another shot. You’re on probation.”
Barrett smiled. “Isn’t the first time. Surely, it won’t be the last.”
Will smirked. “Not something to brag about, Mr. Bar-Room-Brawler.”
“As I was saying,” Ava looked back and forth at the men, “being that you’re Will’s best friend, it feels like it would be… prudent … to give you another shot. I suppose we are a little to blame since we never provided you with any formal training.”
“We assumed you’d know how to wash towels. That was our bad,” Will said sarcastically.
“We should have tried to teach you or had someone teach you right off the bat. We’re growing, and this is opening my eyes to a deficiency on our end. I obviously don’t have any knowledgeable staff to train you other than Will, but we’ll hire someone soon. In the meantime, if you want to stay on board, you need to be proactive in finding yourself some training. I don’t mean just cleaning up that pit you call an apartment, either. Will can type up a list of tips and tricks of the trade he’s picked up.”
“Sure,” he said, agreeing quickly.
“In the meantime, Barrett, watch some YouTube videos. Learn a thing or two about laundry and mixing cleaning chemicals so you don’t end up mustard-gassing yourself unconscious or burning more holes in Italian imported towels. Capiche ?”
“Hearing the sentencing loud and clear, Your Honor.” Barrett bowed.
“Starla and I barely see Will as it is these days. It’s the reason we hired you. So, I’ll still need you to find some outside sources for information while I compile a training course for new hires.”
“Yeah, I get it.” Barrett nodded and smiled a little at Will. “Gam-Gam’s friend, Susan—”
“Ugh.” Will couldn’t help but make a disgusted noise at the sound of Susan’s name.
“I know. Right?” Barrett chuckled. “She blabbed to the pastor’s wife at our church that I was a maid. Not,” he injected quickly, “one that does it in my briefs , mind you. She thinks I’m just a regular old housekeeper-type maid.”
Will laughed and covered his face, trying to compose himself. “Of course she did. That woman’s got a mouth the size ’a Texas, I swear.”
“Well, she volunteered me to come to Maggie’s and clean. Might be a good chance to practice a little. At least this way, if I fuck up, it’s not your company at stake.”
Ava’s face brightened, and she rose from her seat. She made her way to Barrett and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry, Barrett. I know you’re trying.”
He hugged her back, and Will’s rosy cheeks rose at the sight of it.
“We are just at a critical point here,” she continued. “Feels like one wrong move, and we could lose everything. Everything’s riding on this, Barrett.”
“I know.” He squeezed her tighter. “I’ll do better. I promise.”
“I know you will.”
“Where’s a camera when I need one? This is a real Hallmark moment,” Will jested.
Barrett’s middle finger rose behind Ava’s back.
Ava playfully shoved Barrett backward by the shoulder. “You’re like a little brother to me. Sometimes little brothers piss you off.”
Barrett grabbed a fistful of Ava’s blonde hair and yanked.
“Ow!”
“Sometimes little brothers do shit like that, too.” Barrett laughed, then smiled. “Wow… I’m impressed. That was your real hair. I always assumed those were extensions.”
Ava smacked him in the chest a little harder than she intended. “Get the fuck out. Go. Go learn how to do stuff that twelve-year-old little boys already know how to do.” She smiled.
“Yeah,” Barrett started out the door again, “Love you, too, sis.”