37. 37
37
With fried chicken in tow, Chastity and Barrett settled around the small kitchen bar in her apartment, an apartment where they had spent dozens of nights watching movies, building furniture, and hanging new art where there once had been marker-scribbled graffiti.
Molly, Chastity’s three-legged Mastiff, romped through the tiny space, plowing into Barrett and offering bountiful kisses and happy whines.
“She likes you more than she likes me, I swear.” Chastity laughed, reaching into the fridge. She snatched a soda and one of the craft beers that she kept on hand for Barrett.
He set the bags on the laminate countertop and glanced around her kitchen. Molly sniffed their bounty, which was nearly at eye level.
“Shit is so shiny in here it hurts my eyes to look at. Even the grout looks better. Someone has been cleanin’ her cute little ass off.”
Chastity shoved the beer into his chest, knocking some air from his lungs. “It’s amazing what you will resort to when you’re bored and trying to pay off your credit cards.”
Cracking open her can, she took a sip as the foam nearly spilled over. Smacking her lips, she hummed pleasurably, a sound that made Barrett’s blood rush south.
“By the way, I paid one off last week. I have one left, and I’ll be debt-free, baby!”
Barrett couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness that she wasn’t calling him baby in a romantic sense.
It didn’t matter now, anyway.
The door was shutting on this situation, and now all he had to do was click the handle closed, sealing their fate for good.
“That’s amazing!” He fought his emotions, clasping the hand she held up in the air, eyes lingering on each other for a beat too long. He released it and stuffed his fists into the pockets of his jeans, accidentally snagging the fabric of his T-shirt with it.
“Come on. Let’s eat in the living room.” She snatched her box of chicken tenders and potato wedges. She hopped, hair bobbing as she jogged the short distance to the futon positioned in front of her fifty-inch television screen.
“I saved the season finale of Summer Love for us to watch together. Do you realize how much self-control this took? A few months ago, I could have never. Now, please, sit!”
Molly heard the word as her own command and sat in the hallway between the kitchen and the living room.
“Not you, Molly.”
As if she understood, Molly stood, wandered over to them, and laid down in front of the futon at their feet.
“I can’t believe you saved it for me. Now. This fucking show. I swear to God, if you ever tell anyone I watched this with you… and actually kinda liked it… I will deny, deny, deny. I would watch the final episode of every season and call and tell you every final match before you’re caught up.”
She gasped. “That’s diabolical .”
Chastity narrowed her eyes and flipped open her box of chicken. “Men and their sensitive egos.”
His eyes raked up her legs as she reached for the TV remote on the end table beside her. He got a flash of the waist strap of her white panties and fought the urge to groan.
“Remind me about the final couples again.”
“So Shelly loves Kyle, but Kyle is into Jessica. But Jessica is the bisexual girl, so she’s into Shelly and Bryan. Bryan is the idiot everyone loves and is rooting to win. But he’s into Jessica , so they might get together. But who knows, she may want Shelly.”
Not even vaguely listening, Barrett bit into a potato wedge, watching her in the reflection of the television, how her body moved gracefully, coiled like a cozy snake, oblivious to his gawking.
Knowing the weakest-willed one of the two, Molly propped her head up on the edge of the futon, staring at the fried chicken in Barrett’s box.
“Wait,” he said, just before Chastity pushed play on the episode. He kicked off his boots and turned on the futon to face her. “You said you had good news.”
She tried to hide a smile, forcing her face to stay serious. “I do.”
“Shoot,” he said through a mouthful of potato.
Molly’s eyes traced the path of the fried meat as Barrett lifted a tender to his mouth. Spotting his captive audience, he tossed her a fry, watching her inhale it mid-air.
Chastity took a deep breath. “My psychiatrist said today during our session that it looks like my meds have really balanced out. Overall, I’ve been doing a lot better. Less impulsive. Got through last month’s down-swing, I’m not crying nearly as often as I was. I mean, I still cry… during movies and stuff.”
“Or when Kelsey got voted off the island,” he added.
“Yeah, but that was different. That elimination wasn’t fair. Duke turned around the next day and was flirting with Amy.”
“I know. Then, there was the whole Amy drama.” He gnawed another tender.
“Anyway, I just feel like this weight I never knew existed has been kinda lifted off my shoulders. Like I’ve been on a treadmill my whole life, and I’m finally getting to step off and take a breather, you know?”
She gave him a genuine smile that warmed his heart. He fought the overwhelming urge to lean forward and kiss her.
“I’m so excited to hear that.” His smile wasn’t as bright as he was willing it to be. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. I’m so glad you decided to give the medications a shot. You seem less bogged down in the tough times. You’re easier to console, and you’ve been reaching out for help more instead of trying to do it all by yourself.”
“That support page changed my life.” She smiled again. “The best thing social media ever did was connect us people who are dealing with the same thing together all over the world. Sasha, the girl I met on that page, and I plan to do a movie marathon over Skype soon. She’s hilarious. I can’t wait for you to meet her. You’ll love her. It… it’s just such a relief to feel like I’m not alone.”
He massaged her shin with his hand, thinking about the word love and how he wanted to say it, but not to some stranger named Sasha on a message board.
“You’re never alone, Chastity. Not unless you want to be.”
She nodded. “I know.”
He rubbed her leg again and could’ve sworn he felt goosebumps emerging from beneath his touch.
“So what’s next? What’s the next step with all of this.”
She swallowed, setting her empty box on the table and shooing Molly’s nosy snout away from it. Barrett did the same.
“I gotta live , I guess. And fuck things up, and fix them, and tweak meds, and then… live some more. Oh, and therapy .” She chuckled. “I have a lot to unpack about my parents still.”
“How are things with them going?” he asked, grabbing her foot and massaging it with his hands. She moaned a little, and he felt his dick perk up at the sound of it.
“I dunno. I’m still torn. I’m pissed about the way everything went down.”
“Naturally.”
“I can’t tell if they’re apologizing because they saw how fucked-up what they did was or if it just looks bad on them to have a child they don’t speak to. They aren’t a perfect, happy example of a family if I’m estranged. They haven’t agreed to any of the family counseling sessions I offered to set up. So, until then, we might just be at an impasse. Until they can see what I’ve been struggling with isn’t a choice and that you’re not a prostitute, I don’t know. Judgemental bullshit just doesn’t work for me anymore.”
“Unless it’s people on Summer Love .”
“Of course.” She giggled. The sound made his heart ache.
He would miss that the most.
“What do you think?” she asked, wiggling her other foot to indicate it wanted to be rubbed, too.
He grabbed it and blew out a rush of air as he carefully contemplated his answer. “I just want what is best and healthiest for you. If having that support system in your life makes it better, then I’m all for it. We all make mistakes. And Christians, like everyone else, can be judgemental sometimes, but they can also be the most forgiving, in my experience, too. I just worry that if you’re always wondering what your parents are going to think, or they always make you feel judged, then maybe it’s best the way that it is. You gotta take care of yourself. And it’s not like you hate each other. You’re just on different paths. You’re at least trying to work through it. What they do with that attempt is on them.”
Chastity looked up as if the answer was written somewhere in the outdated popcorn ceiling.
“You’ve seen me through all of this shit. You never judged me. You were never afraid of me, even when I was afraid of myself. Why can’t everyone just be like you?”
“Oof,” Barrett said. “The thought of that is a nightmare. Can you imagine a bunch of Barrett’s running around?”
He faked a shiver, and Chastity laughed.
“Oh, whatever. If people were more like you, the world would have more black eyes but also a lot more compassion and understanding.”
“Well, thank you.”
“And men would listen more.” She smiled at him. “You’ve always been a great listener.”
His heart warmed at the compliment, and he massaged harder, hitting the spot in her arch that turned her body to melting putty.
“That feels incredible. Those heels still aren’t broken in yet. They were killing me all afternoon.”
His nimble hands moved up, massaging her smooth calves with care and tenderness. He was fully hard now at the touch of her lotioned skin, unsure how he was going to hide the evidence of it with such a rising tent in his pants. He felt like he was in high school all over again.
“What was your news?” she asked, body relaxed, voice like warmed chocolate, smooth and sweet.
“I, um… I’m… moving.”
Her eyes shot open, and her body straightened, pulling her leg from his grip. “What… into Gam-Gam’s house?”
“No. The Realtor has already found a few potential buyers for that.” He hesitated, staring at the carpet. “To… Denver.”
Her relaxed smile evaporated.
“Wait, what?”
“I’d heard some rumors the last couple of weeks, but I just got the official word today. Man Maid is branching out. Will wants to build a new fleet in a larger metropolitan area. They want me to move down there, hire some guys, and get a client base going.”
“Why can’t Will set it up?”
“He can’t leave. He’s got the wedding. Plus, Starla is about to start school again. She’s got friends and ballet and shit. I don’t have all that. Gan-Gam’s gone. My lease is up soon. He trusts me. He chose me to go.”
She bit her lip, face fraught with frustration. “But… you can’t just leave .”
“Chastity.” He leaned forward, clutching one of her hands in his own. “I don’t have any of that stuff holding me here.”
A tear rolled down Chastity’s cheek. “What about me ?”
His gaze softened. “I can’t keep… doing this.”
“Doing what?!” Her voice cracked. “You said I’d always have you. I thought you meant it.”
“You will! I’ll only be a call or a Skype away when you need me.”
“This… I don’t understand, Barrett.”
“Chastity, I can’t just pretend that I’m happy being without you.”
“But you’re not without me. We hang out all the time!”
“Yes, we hang out, but… I don’t want to hang out and pretend that I don’t love you !”
The words silenced them both.
Finally, voice cracking again, he said, “Maybe our time has passed, and I’m just fucking up our friendship by saying that, but I fucking love you. I have for months. This... this is killing me, Chastity. Seeing you and not being able to kiss you or make love to you or fall asleep with you in my arms… it’s tearing me apart.”
Chastity sat stunned, trying to grasp the gravity of it all.
“I wish that everything you do didn’t drive me crazy in the best way, that I didn’t want to see you naked every time you’re in my sight. I wish that the thought of someone else touching you didn’t keep me fucking awake at night. I want a life with you that I never wanted with anyone before, and it’s so close … and I can’t have it. It’s fucking torture.”
He removed her feet from his lap and stood. “I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry. I tried to be a true friend. I really did. But I love you, and this shit twists me up inside. I think the distance could help. You can still call, I can still be there for you from afar, but at least I won’t have your feet in my lap pretending touching you is not giving me a raging-fucking-erection. At least I won’t have to get a whiff of how goddamn good you always smell or wanna hold you in my arms every time you fall asleep during the Summer Love after-show. I won’t have to look in your eyes and picture having a life with you, a home …”
The breath had been sucked out of her lungs. Too many thoughts were racing through her mind at once, struggling to settle on a sentence in rebuttal.
A single word.
Anything .
But nothing came from her lips.
“I should go. I’m sorry.”
He dumped his food container in her kitchen trash and stared at it in the bag, wishing he had a bottle of whiskey to crawl into to numb the pain.
“ Don’t go. ” It was all she could muster.
He kissed Chastity atop her rainbow-streaked head and left her in silence.
Seconds later, a sob tore from her chest, feeling as though her whole world had just imploded, taking everything good with it.
She rose to her feet and wiped her face. Abandoning her shoes, she sprinted out the door, racing down the hall and stairwell to reach Barrett before it was too late.
“Barrett,” Chastity shouted, sprinting out the front door of her apartment complex, bare feet sticking to the hot asphalt.
She waved her hand at his Jeep, one idling in his usual spot in the parking lot.
“Stop, Barrett. Please!”
The warm evening breeze ruffled her hair as she wound her way past several old, dinged-up vehicles to his Jeep.
Barrett killed the engine and stepped out, unable to meet her gaze. He clutched his keys in his hand, torn between hearing her out and salvaging what was left of his dignity and leaving.
“You can’t just say all of that and walk away from me!” Her voice wavered with emotion. “You were just going to leave without hearing what I had to say? You drop a bomb and walk away… like I mean nothing ?”
“What do you want me to say , Chastity?” His voice boomed.
Several tenants peered out their curtains and blinds to see the show.
“I love you, too, Barrett. I have loved you since that night at the lake, maybe even before that. I didn’t set out to play with your emotions. This has been hard on you. I know that. I was scared and confused. I shouldn’t have pushed you away that day at your apartment. I should never have cost us a single day together because you’re all I think about. But you gotta understand that I wanted you to have the best version of me. Not some fucked-up person who didn’t know what she wanted or what she was doing. I know I’ve still got work on myself to do, but I want to do it with you . And… maybe it’s too late for that.”
She stepped away and turned. “If you still want to leave, I understand. But, Barrett… you have to know… I need you to know… that I am fucking crazy about you. I want to be with you. I want… you .”
Barrett lunged forward, pulled her to him by the waist, and pressed a fevered kiss to her lips, parting them, clinging to her as if she was his only source of oxygen. She kissed him back in the dying light of the sun, their bodies casting twin shadows of hope on the asphalt.
Beside them, a car rolled up, headlights blasting. They simply ignored it, unwilling to let their long-awaited moment end for anyone else. When the car honked, they both blindly held up their middle fingers in its direction, tongues still making up for several months of lost time.
Minutes later, they crashed through the front door of her apartment. Barrett lowered her to the floor, kicking the front door shut behind them.
He climbed on top of her, mouth exploring the depths of hers. They stripped each other in a flurry, tossing shirts and belts and jeans everywhere as Molly sprawled all three of her long legs across the futon, watching them like a patient cuckold.
Barrett pushed Chastity’s skirt up around her waist and tugged her lacy panties to the side. Grasping his rock-hard erection, Chastity moaned in anticipation, her face a beautiful shade of pink, lips red from friction.
Unable to stand it for another second, he buried himself inside of her, both groaning in satisfaction as the months of frustrating distance between them vanished.
Barrett watched her face, basking in the long-awaited feel of her warmth wrapped around him again, a sensation powerful enough to make him struggle not to cum right then and there.
Tears streaked down the sides of Chastity’s temples. A brief smile graced her face, only to be replaced by a look of all-consuming pleasure as he slid in deeper.
Breathlessly, they stared into each other’s eyes, and Barrett paused, never having felt closer to anyone in his life.
“I love you, Aphrodite.”
Tears uninhibitedly streamed from the corners of her eyes, and she kissed him softly on the lips. “I love you, too.”
“We can do this. We can do this right this time. We can make this work. I’ll tell him I can’t go to Denver.”
“No,” she said, voice full of certainty. She circled her pelvis beneath him, making his eyes roll back with pleasure. She pulled his head down and spoke lowly in his ear.
“ I’ll come with you. ”
Barrett pulled back to look at her face. “What?”
“If you want.”
“Of course, that’s what I want.” His smile was infectious.
“My lease is up in a few weeks. Barrett, we’ve spent enough time apart.” She bit his bottom lip and circled her hips again. “I’m never fucking letting you go again.”
He smiled and kissed her, his heart full. Now that they were together again, Barrett swore to himself that no matter where the path of life took them, it would take an actual act of God to pull them apart ever again.