Alinore
FOG CHOKED TORMALE’S winding streets and cluttered squares.
Dark shapes loomed through the early-morning mist: a mountain pony pulling a wagon of milk churns that rumbled and clattered; a drunk man moaning softly in the gutter; a street dog sniffing at a door; and a woman tending to a shop front, tugging back shutters that hissed and clapped.
The start of a new autumn day in Calestra’s capital.
‘I can fend for myself.’
Cressyda would sigh, her breath hissing through her teeth. ‘Why do you even want to do it? Why must you always be so … so …’
‘So what?’
‘Difficult.’
Such a confrontation would send them both into truly bad moods and they would be sullen and silent with one another for the rest of the day.
A few times, Alinore had considered asking Cressyda to sneak out with her.
The snaking streets of Tormale were so different from the grandness of Syonno Castle.
They were lively, slightly threatening and fascinating, full of shouting, bustling people and the scent of pastries from the food stalls.
But Cressyda never wanted to venture far for fear of missing one of the Queen’s calls.
She rarely left her bedchamber, let alone the castle. So Alinore ventured out alone.
Rounding a corner off one of Tormale’s main streets, Alinore saw the outline of Syonno Castle ahead: tall, square turrets against the thinning, milky mist.
‘Lady Alinore of the House of Mattinias,’ she called as she approached the castle gates, pulling back her hood.
It was not strictly true. Without her father, the House of Mattinias – an honour bestowed in return for battle service – did not exist. She had heard Lady Vienlia, the Queen’s Chief Lady-in-Waiting, mutter as much a few winters ago when Alinore had happened to catch the woman’s notice.
But this title was all Alinore had left of her father, and she would not give it up until she was made to.
The guards blinked at Alinore in surprise before ushering her through. There were some mutters about her lack of chaperone, but she sailed past and did not look back.
Heading to one of the lesser-used side-doors of the castle, she passed maids carrying piles of washing and stable boys lugging tack to the back yard. Ducking into a hallway, she unfastened her cloak.
From the other side of the castle came the resounding clangs of the Sanctuary bells.
Alinore quickened her pace, scurrying across the eastern courtyard and up a flight of stone steps.
Cressyda was normally slow to rise in the mornings, preferring to stay up late, reading books, but when Alinore entered their chamber, the Princess was already sitting up in bed awake. Almost as though she had been waiting.
‘Where’ve you been?’
Alinore muttered a curse under her breath. She marched over to her pallet and tossed her cloak aside.
‘Alinore?’
‘Nowhere. I’ve been nowhere.’
Princess Cressyda raised her eyebrows. ‘I suppose “nowhere” means that you’ve been wandering around the city again?’
Alinore clenched her teeth.
‘If someone tells the Queen—’
‘They would have to notice I exist first.’
That had the desired effect of quietening the Princess.
She was sitting upright against pillows, her black hair pooling on the bed sheets like swirls of ink.
She looked like a doll, so slight and delicate.
Beside her, Alinore was aware that she appeared enormous: tall with large feet and wide hands – good for duelling, but not exactly admired by the rest of the court.
Sometimes, in her bitter moments, Alinore wondered if that’s why Cressyda liked to have her around: to make herself all the smaller and slighter.
‘I suppose you also think that no one notices you go to the storeroom at the back of the stables and practise swordplay?’ snapped Cressyda.
A hot rush of horror swept over Alinore. ‘What?’ she gasped. ‘How do you know that?’ She raked her hands through her thick, dark hair. ‘Did Prince Ottone tell you?’
Cressyda blinked in surprise. ‘Ottone knows about this?’ For a moment, her composure faltered, and hurt flashed across her features.
Then she shook herself. ‘You need to stop, Alinore. Do you understand? You need to stop all of this sneaking around. If the Queen finds out, she won’t like it.
She’ll think it’s improper.’ Cressyda hesitated as if unsure whether to carry on.
‘You might be my companion, but we’re both members of her household,’ she added. ‘The Queen could dismiss you.’
Alinore’s pulse thundered in her ears, and her hands curled into fists so tightly her nails bit into her palms. Though a small part of her knew that Cressyda was right, she hated it.
The frustration she had been holding back crackled into fury.
She had had enough of Cressyda’s cool superiority.
She had had enough of being ignored and belittled by everyone.
‘I’m worried about you,’ Cressyda continued. ‘I’m concerned that—’
‘You’re not worried about me!’ Alinore said with a snarl. ‘You’re jealous.’
Cressyda started in surprise, her perfect pink lips parting. ‘What? Don’t be foolish.’
‘Because it would be so foolish for you to be jealous of me?’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
More scorching words bristled on Alinore’s tongue, hot and unstoppable.
‘You might be happy to sit around all day at the beck and call of the Queen, but I’m not,’ she hissed.
‘It’s pathetic, Cressyda. You could be so much more.
Stop starving yourself to please the whims of a sad, broken woman who doesn’t care about anyone but herself. ’
Cressyda jolted as if she had been slapped.
‘So I don’t care what you say. I’m not going to stop training,’ Alinore continued. ‘I’m preparing to apply for a squireship.’
Cressyda’s mouth dropped open. ‘Alinore, you cannot be serious—’
‘I’m deadly serious! It’s what I want and it’s what I’m meant to be. I don’t let everyone else rule my life. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not.’
‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’
Alinore’s fingers were squeezed into fists at her sides, her eyes wide and hard.
She knew what she was about to say would hurt, but she could not stop herself.
‘You hate that everyone calls you the Pet … but you’ve brought it on yourself,’ she replied.
‘You act the part. You’ve let yourself be moulded into a perfect little fake princess. You’ve made yourself the Pet.’
Cressyda stared, her face pale.
‘I know what everyone thinks of me. I know I’m the strange nobody of the Calestran court without a fleck to my name. But I’ll show you. I’ll show everyone that they shouldn’t have underestimated me. I am going to be a lady knight. I’m going to make my fortune by my sword, just like my father did.’
Fury and hurt flashed through Cressyda’s amber eyes. ‘And I suppose you’re also going to lose it all like your father did?’ she cried, her voice thin and shaky.
Alinore recoiled, alarm rising like bile in the back of her throat.
It had been many winters since her father’s death, but the grief was still so tender, always boiling just beneath the surface.
It hit her in waves, the overpowering weight of sorrow often taking her by surprise: the realization that she would never see him again in this life consuming her with unbearable pain.
She missed her father keenly and she knew that she always would.
‘You should understand some truths about your father,’ said Cressyda. ‘You think he died in battle, but you’re wrong.’
Alinore wanted to tell her friend to stop, certain that whatever was coming next would change everything. But she was frozen in fear and horror.
‘Your father abandoned his battalion,’ Cressyda continued. ‘I heard the King and Queen discuss it once. You think that he was a hero, but you’re wrong.’
A thick silence.
They faced one another, stricken and horrified.
‘No,’ whispered Alinore, devastation sinking deeper inside her as each cutting word lodged into her heart. ‘No. You’re wrong.’
She moved to the door. She needed to escape. The room was shrinking, the walls pressing in. Her pulse pounded in her ears as her fingers fumbled with the handle.
‘Alinore, wait!’ gasped Cressyda.
‘My father was a good man,’ Alinore spat over her shoulder. ‘And he loved me. You wouldn’t understand that because no father or mother ever loved you. They gave you away – they gave you away to a bitter Queen who doesn’t love you either.’
She turned to see Cressyda trembling in the bed, tears spilling down her beautiful cheeks.
‘You’re just a doll, a plaything, a toy!’ Alinore cried, stepping out of the doorway. ‘You’re nothing more than a pet.’