Chapter 16
May 5th, 1898, Eagle Creek, Montana
With the weather warming and spring most definitely here, Matthew was enjoying the fresh air and mountain views all around him. Eagle Creek was easily the most beautiful place he had ever lived in, and was absolutely the friendliest. With weekly letters from Dr. Hartshorn telling him of the progress he was making in raising funds for the hospital, and the need to find a suitable plot of land for it, as well as drawing up plans he found himself busy from dawn until dusk, and that made him happy. From time to time, he even considered staying, but he knew that this surge of activity would eventually ease, and his need to keep moving would urge him onwards.
But for now, he could enjoy himself, and with a rare day free, he took the train to Billings to meet with Miss Adelaide Callson. In her letters, she had described herself as fiery and fun. She seemed to have a busy life herself, doing work for many charities and her letters were witty and charming. She did not ever probe anything too deeply, and did not seem to mind that he didn’t either. She seemed to be the ideal wife for a busy doctor, but without meeting her, Matthew was unwilling to make any snap decisions. Of course, Aidan and Tom thought she was perfect for him.
But though he had been looking forward to this meeting, he had been taken aback by his reaction, just a few days earlier, at seeing Rachel dancing with David Aldwyn. He had felt a surge of what he could only describe as rage, seeing the two of them together. They had looked so content, and she had been gazing up at David affectionately, in a way he’d never seen her look at anyone else. And then he’d made everything worse, by trying to claim her and try and convince her that she cared for him and should not be looking at anyone else that way. But she had been clearly taken aback by his fervor, and had essentially told him that she did not have the same kind of feelings for him as he seemed to hold for her.
He could have kicked himself for being so stupid. He was grateful that they were rarely working in the same place at the same time anymore, it gave him the chance to avoid her until the awkwardness that he had created eased. He only hoped that she would forgive him for being such a bore. But it had been as much of a shock to him, what he was doing and saying, as it had been to her. He had not realized, until he saw her dancing with another man, that he even held such feelings for her.
Of course, he had noticed her loveliness. It would be hard not to see it. She was comely and kind, and clever and witty. Everything that a man could want in a wife. But because he had been so sure that he did not want a wife, he had not noticed her as well as he should have done. And now, she was clearly interested in another man. Well, he would have to live with that. She deserved to be happy, to be with the man she chose, and David was a fine man.
Anyway, he had plenty of options open to him. His appointment today, Miss Callson, was just one of four young ladies he had been writing to, all of whom were charming and clever – at least they seemed to be in their letters. He would not dwell on his unexpected feelings for Rachel, and he had no doubt that if he did not encourage them, that they would soon fade away as easily as they had sneaked up on him.
He arrived at the restaurant ten minutes early, and took the seat facing the door so he might see her come in. He’d learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat serving staff. He wanted to know if she treated them with respect, or if they were beneath her. He knew all too well that a woman will follow the man’s lead once in his company and he wished to know what she was like when she thought he wasn’t looking. It was a silly little test, and one he did not doubt might make him seem petty, but he had no intentions of finding such things out once it was too late.
Not that it would ever be too late. He had no real desire to be snared by any of the women he was writing to. As for the love that Tom had been so sure would come his way, there seemed to be little sign of it. Of course, he was not actively looking for it, but he wasn’t altogether ruling it out either. It would be wonderful to have someone in his life, someone who understood him without him having to tell them every single detail, someone who could accept his need to keep moving, his lack of desire to have a family.
But the one woman he could even imagine himself doing any of those things with, was clearly interested in another man. But he was sure that he did not love her. It was simply that she was always there and had become as much a part of his daily life as his strong coffee and his work. His overreaction to David on May Day made much more sense that way, that he feared losing his right hand – as Andrew would no doubt feel if there was a possibility he might lose Maud.
A young lady arrived five minutes after he had been seated. She took off her hat and handed it, along with her coat to the young waiter. She smiled at him, making him blush a little. Matthew couldn’t blame him for being a little overwhelmed. She had glorious auburn hair, pinned at the front and cascading in gentle curls over her shoulders. It had been brushed over and over until it gleamed in the sunlight. Her clothes were made of fine fabrics, but were cut well so they would last, rather than being made to fit the most current fashions. But she didn’t need clothes to make her stand out, her smile lit up the entire restaurant.
The waiter, having hung up her coat and hat led her through the tables to his. Matthew stood up and moved to her side of the table and held out her chair. The young waiter looked a little put-out by his show of gallantry, clearly he had wanted to help her with anything he could. She gave him a wink, and he flushed again and disappeared, before she took the seat Matthew was proffering. “Miss Callson, I am delighted to meet you,” he said as he took his own seat.
“Likewise, Dr. Inglis,” she said. Her voice was soft, with a slight huskiness to it, like the very best butterscotch. “I am pleased to see that you are the kind of man who doesn’t keep a lady waiting.”
“You’re a busy woman,” he said. “I’d hate to make you late for whatever good deeds you are up to next.”
“I am volunteering at the hospital this afternoon,” she said. “So, I am glad of your consideration.”
“I must confess, it is nice to meet a young woman who doesn’t keep a man waiting, for fashion’s sake,” he said.
“Fashion is for fools who have nothing else to occupy them,” she said. The words were a little harsh, but the glint in her eye and tone of her voice told him that she was not being unkind. “A handsome gown is a handsome gown, however old it might be, don’t you think?” she added.
“I must confess, I am often too entranced by a woman’s smile to notice her gown,” Matthew said.
“And there was I, thinking that you were the kind of man who cared only about the content of a woman’s mind,” she teased.
“Well, for the most part, but – and I hope you will not mind me saying so – a smile like yours can make a man forget his own intellect.”
She laughed. “It is as well we wrote to one another before we met, then, so that you know that there is some semblance of intellect underneath.”
“Oh, most definitely. But that poor waiter may never get over meeting you today.” Matthew nodded towards the boy who was walking towards a nearby table with a tray of drinks. As he drew closer and glanced over at Miss Callson, it was possible to hear the glasses clinking as his hands trembled. He blushed again, his cheeks as red as a beetroot when he saw her looking at him.
“Poor boy, it’s only his second day, he told me. He’s petrified he’ll break something.”
Matthew was impressed that she had found that out. It didn’t take much to speak a few words with people, to put them at their ease – or to at least try to. It seemed that Miss Callson felt the same way, though her attempt seemed to have unintentionally done more harm than good. “Perhaps you should not smile at him anymore. It’s clearly unnerving him,” he suggested once the boy was out of ear shot. “Though he’ll forever have memories of the beautiful lady who made him tremble.”
“Was there a young lady who left you with such memories?” she asked.
“There was,” he said. “Hattie Menton was one of the nurses at my first posting. She was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. She made me forget everything I’d learned when I saw her, if I was asked a question by the senior doctors, I’d not know the answer – and if I did I could only stammer it – if she was nearby.”
“She sounds quite the distraction, and somewhat dangerous in a hospital, I would think.”
“Oh, she was definitely a distraction. She was married within a few weeks of my arrival though, and left the fort, thankfully. My superiors must have thought I’d been the beneficiary of some kind of miracle when I was able to be articulate and useful again.”
“Your patients were, no doubt, very grateful.”
“I hope so,” Matthew said with a smile. “I like to think I’d not be so easily distracted now that I am older and wiser.”
The head waiter came and took their orders, and the boy was sent to them with their drinks. He managed to put them down on the table without spillages, but almost tripped over a nearby chair leg as he turned to leave. Matthew had to stifle a laugh. “Don’t,” Miss Callson said, but she was clearly close to giggling, too.
“So, what is it you do at the hospital?” Matthew asked.
“I assist in the records office, helping them to keep the filing up to date.”
“Oh, I wish there were more volunteers prepared to do that, nobody wants to do that,” Matthew said. “How do you bear such a dull job?”
“Because I know how much it means to the medical staff to have everything in place where it should be.”
“That is very honorable, but wouldn’t you rather be visiting with the patients, I’m sure they would benefit greatly from that.”
“Because I am pretty, and nice to look upon?” she asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow.
“No, I didn’t mean it that way. Well, perhaps I did a little,” Matthew admitted. “I’m sorry to assume.”
“No, you’re right. Most people who wish to help only wish to hold someone’s hand, so they look good and kind. I think such actions, while they may offer some comfort to the patients, aren’t really all that useful to their recovery, nor do they help the load of the busy doctors and nurses. I’d rather do something truly useful, and must confess that I am not so patient with sickness and disease. I cannot bear to look upon those in pain and suffering.”
“That is understandable. It isn’t easy to do,” Matthew said. “And helping in the records office is most certainly far more useful to the medical staff.”
Their meal was delivered and Matthew was glad that conversation didn’t seem to wane for even a moment. They discussed all manner of things, from politics to family dynamics. She had not pushed him to talk about anything too sensitive, and had not pushed him to explain himself further when he had expressed quite strong views. It had been an excellent first meeting, and he was almost sad to say goodbye when the meal came to an end. It surprised him, that he wanted to know her better, and that he was considering a possible future with this pretty and erudite young lady. But bet, or no bet, he didn’t care.
“Might I escort you to the hospital?” he asked, when her hansom arrived.
“There’s no need. But it has been a most enlightening lunch,” she said as he offered her his hand to climb inside.
“Would you like to do it again? I could come to Billings again next week.”
She paused. “I think not,” she said unexpectedly.
“But I thought we got on well,” he said.
“And so we have, but you are not what I am looking for in a husband, and I have little time to waste. I enjoyed our conversation and it has been a pleasure to meet you, but when you said that you did not want a family of your own, well, that is not going to work for me. I do want a family, and I need to be wed soon before it is too late for me to do so.”
“Oh.”
“I am sorry, but the way you expressed yourself made it sound like they were not things you were prepared to negotiate on, and neither am I.”
“And you shouldn’t,” he said fervently. “If they are what you want, they are what you want. And I am sorry about it. You are lovely, Miss Callson. I wish you the very best of luck in the search for a husband and father for your children.”
“Thank you for not trying to change my mind,” she said, leaning over and kissing his cheek.
“Thank you for not trying to change mine,” he said sadly, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. “It truly has been a pleasure.”
Feeling a little deflated, Matthew walked to the train station. Luckily, there was a locomotive waiting at the platform, heading towards Eagle Creek. He purchased a ticket and hurried to take his seat. He stared out of the window as the train sped through the countryside. He was still surprised by the outcome of the meeting with Miss Callson. He touched his fingers to his cheek, where she had kissed him and recalled the sensation of her warm lips against his skin, the way her smile lit up her face and made him feel light inside. And he had been sure that she had liked him, too, that was the worst part of it. But she knew what she wanted, and he did not want the same things. She had been right not to take a chance that he might change his mind. He knew no man who ever really did.
But as he thought about her, he could not see her face. Instead, he saw Rachel’s, looking up at him, her eyes wide as they had danced together as darkness fell. She had felt so right in his arms, as if he was finally complete. He shook his head and exhaled sharply. No. Thinking that way was not going to help anyone, certainly not himself. Rachel was a respected colleague and a dear friend. He had ruined too many things in his life, he would not ruin that, because she deserved so much better than him.
He went straight to the clinic on his return. He needed to be busy. He was taken aback to see Rachel sitting at Maud’s desk, writing up notes in the reception area. He’d forgotten that it was her turn to oversee the clinic today. He could have laughed out loud. He’d come here to escape his thoughts of her, and here she was.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him calmly, as if nothing had happened between them at all the other night. “I thought you were in Billings today.”
Matthew wanted to be relieved that she was talking to him as she always did, but it stung that she didn’t seem to care about it at all. He had to get over that, though. It was hardly her fault she didn’t feel that way about him. “I was,” he said a little awkwardly. “My meeting finished earlier than I expected it to.”
“Ah,” she said with a knowing grin. “She wasn’t as nice as her letters?”
“How do you know about that?”
“You’re in a small town, Matthew. Everyone knows everything about everyone here.” She laughed, but it wasn’t cruel, there was affection for him in it. Sisterly affection. It wasn’t the first time that Matthew had felt his breath catch at the sound of a woman’s laughter that day, but it was oddly even more hurtful than when Miss Callson had done so.
“Oh,” he said with a heavy sigh. “So, I am the subject of town gossip?”
“You are, and don’t worry, nobody thinks anything less of you for it. After all, Eagle Creek was more or less built on mail order marriages.”
“You’re sure you aren’t judging me?”
“Matthew, what you choose to do is none of my business,” she said softly, her eyes a little sad. “I am glad you want to find a wife, to let yourself make a real connection with someone, but I worry about you, too.”
“You worry about me? Why? I am perfectly well, I can assure you of that.”
“Because you are my friend, because I care about you – and because you have said, often, that marriage and a family aren’t really things you want. I just have concerns you might just be doing all this to try and please someone else.”
“And if I am,” Matthew said, bristling a little at her judgment. “It is none of your business. I would not be looking for a wife if I did not want one. What manner of man do you take me for?”