CHAPTER SIX
Amity
“Did he hurt you?”
The four words I never expected to hear out of Clem’s mouth and I was instantly transported back to that day, twelve months ago, when AP, the man I thought I’d marry one day, broke our relationship off.
“AP?”
Clem nodded, a darkness clouding her eyes that I hadn’t noticed before.
“Not at all. He just…made a decision we both should have a while ago. He was super sweet about it, actually.”
“He’s sad you don’t want to be friends anymore,” she admitted and it hurt me deep in my chest. He’d wanted to stay friends, but it just felt so unnatural to do that.
“I’m confused about a lot of things,” I told her. “I was when I was with him, too.”
“Did you love him?” she asked.
I nodded. “Without a doubt, but I don’t think I was in love with him, and that’s what he said to me too.”
“Do you miss us?” she asked, and instantly I heard the pain in her question.
“Everyday.”
“Yet, you ignore our calls and texts.”
I nodded. “It got to a point where I didn’t want to admit that I’d been an asshole about it. I was too confused about my brain, about the thoughts I had. I felt bad, and I didn’t want you guys to not want me around so I ignored everything.”
“Why would we all of a sudden not want you around?”
“I don’t know. I was just broken up with, I wasn’t exactly thinking I was wanted at the time.”
Clem sighed. “I’m sorry you felt that way. We tried, both of us, to get you to talk to us after, but you just left us. You abandoned us.”
Fuck.
I hadn’t even thought about what they’d be thinking when I ignored them. I only thought about how hard it was for me to look at their names and see their messages.
“I’m sorry.”
“Okay, so let’s talk about what has you so confused then. You know talking does help, I know it sounds so cheesy and cliché, but it does actually make things better.”
God, if only she knew.
“Honestly, I’d rather just play cards, Clem.”
She was looking at me, almost like she was trying to pry the information from me silently. “If that’s what you want.”
She stood up and took our empty mugs to the sink, rinsing them before stacking them in the drying rack.
“You’re angry.”
Clem’s eyes snapped to mine. “No. I’m not angry at you. You’re not ready to talk about whatever it is that has your mind all twisted, and that’s okay. I just…I feel like you don’t trust me and that’s hurting me a little.”
I stood up, and crossed the distance between us. Clem watched me with an expression I couldn’t read. My heartbeat was in my throat as I moved to her.
Fuck.
“About before…”
“Before?” she asked, her voice a little more gravelly than it was a few moments ago.
“You know what I’m talking about,” I said, firmly. “You were going to kiss me.”
Clem let out a loud breath that almost sounded like a scoff. “I–”
“I know you were, Clem, there’s no use in denying it.”
“Then why didn’t you pull away?”
The air around us was thick with tension. The underlying question burning a fire underneath us. We were both breathing heavily.
“Maybe I wanted you to kiss me.”
Clem stepped closer, her hand coming out to cup the side of my face. “And now?” she asked, her voice a husk of what it usually is. Clem’s thumb moved over my bottom lip, her eyes drifting to it before back up to my eyes. I saw the heat reflected back. “Do you want me to kiss you still?”
All the air left me in one breath, the heat from her hand on my cheek was sending sparks shooting up and down my spine. Her thumb teasing at my lower lip, and those eyes boring into mine like she didn’t want an answer and wanted to close the distance and take me anyway.
My voice was all but a whisper when I answered, “Yes.”