CHAPTER ELEVEN
Amity
Clem took AP outside once she pulled her pants on and I had been pacing the cabin’s floorboards for the past five minutes. I couldn’t hear yelling so that was a bonus.
I think.
She wanted to date me, even with my past history with her brother, but surely he wasn’t going to be okay with that, right?
Right?
Anxiety clawed at my stomach and I found I was getting more worked up with the more pacing I did, so I stopped. Grabbing a jacket, I bundled myself up and opened the door. Clem and AP were nowhere to be found, nor could I hear them.
Looking down at the dock, I saw them sitting on the edge of the jetty. Their conversation looked civil, but I’d never seen either of them raise their voice at each other so that couldn’t really tell me how the conversation was going.
I moved over to my cabin, already noticing how weakened it looked. This wasn’t going to be fun.
Opening the door, I took stock of the damage to some of the walls, there was water on one side of the kitchen. There must be a ripped tile on the roof. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I take photos for my father who would need to put in a claim with our insurance.
Busying myself, I moved about the cabin, documenting and trying to keep my mind off what could be happening outside.
“Amity.”
I froze. The voice from behind me didn’t sound angry. In fact, it sounded relieved.
Turning, I looked over at my ex-boyfriend who stood in the doorway to my family’s cabin. It felt strange to be here with him after so long, and yet welcoming all at the same time. That was such a weird feeling after everything.
“AP.”
“Can I come in?”
It felt so odd for him to ask that, but I nodded and he stepped over the threshold. “You look good, AP.”
He chuckled softly. “That was supposed to be my line.”
The unease released from me and I smiled, looking down at my feet.
“About what you—”
“Can we talk—”
We spoke at the same time and I laughed along with him.
“You go first,” he said.
“No, please…”
AP sighed. “As much as I love seeing my sister, it was probably a little more of her than I’m used to, so I will probably need to burn my retinas but I just wanted to say, well, she told me you would be nervous about it, so…”
“I don’t want to cause problems between you.”
AP frowned. “Why would this cause a problem between us?”
“Uh…we used to date, remember?”
AP chuckled. “Yeah, I do, but we broke up.”
“And most exes don’t date siblings after.”
He was quiet. Silent for a moment, before he looked down at his feet. “Do you know why we broke up?” he asked.
“You said you didn’t love me anymore.”
AP sighed and looked back up at me. “No, I said we weren’t in love, and that we were friends more than lovers. You can’t tell me you still loved me like that.”
I sighed back. “No.”
“I’d been feeling it for a while and I had no idea how to broach it with you.
We were all so happy as friends. I didn’t want to break that, but I found a letter…
I don’t know when she wrote it,but obviously it was some sort of therapy for her.
It was a letter from her to you, professing how much she loved you.
I knew then that I couldn’t keep you from her.
I was killing my own sister by being with the woman she loved,” he admitted, surprising me.
“I also don't know why, but I carry it around with me. I guess at some point, I knew I’d see you and I needed you to know.”
“Why didn’t you…”
“Tell you?” he answered. “You ghosted us, Am. It fucking broke all of our hearts, but I think it hit Clem harder.”
I closed my eyes to the pain I’d caused. I’d seen it in the way she had asked why last night.
“Do you love her?” AP asked. “Or are we still pretending that you didn’t know you did?”
I rolled my eyes at him, and it earned me a chuckle, as he pulled a piece of folded up paper from his wallet and put it down on the table in front of me. I stared at it for a few moments before I looked back at him.
He wasn’t angry.
He was just…AP.
“Do you remember the last summer we were here together?” I asked him. “The one where we had nice weather the entire time and all of us were here with no parents?”
AP chuckled, “Yeah, you were sick.”
“I wasn’t. I was confused. I’d noticed Clem in a different light then. A way I wasn’t supposed to look at my boyfriend’s twin sister. I told you I wasn’t well so I could get away from temptation, but I kept looking at her from this window here.”
I pointed to the side window that looked out at the lake. Clem had come to check on me, and I’d pretended to be asleep. That’s how much of a coward I’d been.
“Amity,” AP sighed. “Why didn’t you say anything? You can tell me anything, absolutely anything. Better yet, why didn’t you come to me after we broke up? Why didn’t you want to talk to us anymore?”
I held back the sob that was accumulating. “I didn’t want to see you both move on and be happy. I didn’t want to not be needed anymore, or wanted, so I removed myself. I didn’t want to be insignificant.”
AP crossed the distance between us and pulled me into his arms. He hugged me tightly, and I melted into it, unable to hold back the tears any longer.
“You would never be insignificant, not even if you tried. We love you. Clem is in love with you, and I love you. Chet and Lane love you like sisters. You could never be replaced. Actually, if anything, you fit in more than I do.”
We stayed like that, hugging each other, until the sobs stopped. Finally, I pulled from his arms and stood on my own, drying my eyes.
“Thank you, AP.”
“Please…read the letter. Understand her better. Come home to us. Please.”
I kissed him on the cheek and promised to come home, and watched as he left the cabin. The letter was sitting heavy on the table. A letter she’d written at some point, to me, and never given to me.
Do I read it?
She never told me to, it felt like an invasion but I was dying to know. Sitting at the table, I put my fingertips to the old ripped up page from a school book.
AP was happy.
We could be together.
Whatever I was about to read could change everything. Was I ready for that?