5. Sawyer
SAWYER
Beckett and I didn’t talk much on the way to his cabin. There wasn’t much to say.
On the outside, I tried to look as calm and confident as I had been when we left the fair, but inside, I was screaming.
Why, oh why, did I think this was a good idea?
Why did I decide tonight of all nights to throw caution to the wind and say, “Fuck it! Let’s have sex,” when I hadn’t so much as passed third base with someone before?
Being a virgin at the ripe old age of twenty-four wasn’t something I ever admitted to out loud. Or ever, in fact. There wasn’t a single soul alive who knew about my lack of experience, and now, thanks to some help from Beckett, no one ever would.
There was a small voice in my head that told me I should be honest with him about the situation, but I quickly shoved her down until I couldn’t hear so much as a whisper of her protests.
What would telling him change, other than the fact that Beckett would likely drive me back to the empty fairgrounds and I’d be forced to walk back to the trailer park?
I didn’t want to look like a total idiot when I eventually had sex, but I had no partner.
Most of the guys I grew up with weren’t worth the waste of oxygen it took to talk to them, let alone the privilege of my taking someone’s virginity.
Luckily, I had the internet and the best sex toys my salary could buy.
I was no stranger to penetration. Just not with someone else.
But now that I was faced with a real man who wanted to have real sex, I wondered if I was in over my head.
I didn’t know much about Beckett, but I knew men like him.
Obscenely wealthy, cocky swagger, and handsome to boot.
He had no shortage of experience and no issues finding women to sleep with.
I was nothing special. No more than another notch on his bedpost or an anecdote he’d tell his friends.
Which, on paper, made him the perfect person to lose everything to.
It was just one night. One perfectly hot night of hot sex with a hot guy and—if I was lucky—an orgasm or two.
He never had to know the truth because there were no expectations to call or see each other.
I’d sneak out before the sun came up like a ghost in the night, but at least I’d do it knowing what his hands felt like on my naked skin.
Maybe, in a weird way, doing this would help my confidence. Maybe it would show me that by actually saying yes to scary things, to the things I was afraid to do, the risk was worth the reward.
That’s what I hoped for, anyway.
Beckett slowed down as he pulled off the highway and onto a county road. I hadn’t seen the cabins for myself yet, but my boss’s best friend, Lukas Hart, had told me they were nicer than most people’s houses.
Lukas owned Hartfelt Homes, one of the biggest construction companies in East Tennessee.
He was well known not only for his excellent craftsmanship but also for his compassion for the community.
He’d taken the job with the stipulation that he would use local stores to order the materials needed and a crew he had handpicked to do the job.
Most developers would’ve likely told him to fuck off, but Lukas could be persuasive when he wanted to be.
Not to mention, his work really was that good.
The only thing I’d found the man incapable of was keeping someone around for longer than five minutes.
“This is us,” Beckett said, slowing down as we approached the last cabin on the paved road. It looked slightly bigger and offered a better view of the lake, just one hundred feet or so from the back deck, than the others.
“Okay, fancy pants. This is nice.” From what I could tell in the dark, most of the buildings looked the same.
They were picturesque log cabins, likely made from white pine taken from the very mountain we stood on.
Smooth, inlaid stones formed a winding path up to the front door, and carefully curated wildflowers bloomed along the trail.
I’d never felt so out of place in my entire life, but he didn’t need to know the depth of the disparity between us.
I grew up in a run-down trailer park on the wrong side of town, and he called this less than ideal?
If he ever found out, I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover from the embarrassment of thinking this was a good idea.
Beckett shot me a wink before quickly getting out of his car. I went to open my door, but he was already there to offer me his hand. “My lady,” he said, with a dramatic bow.
I laughed, letting him pull me up the stairs to the front door. This was so reckless, but I’d never felt more giddy. He quickly keyed in the code, tugging me inside before he could even turn on the lights.
And then his fingers were in my hair, and his mouth was on mine. We slammed into the wall, not caring about the crash that followed as a picture frame clattered to the ground.
“Wait,” he said, pulling back with a groan. “I don’t want you to step on any glass.”
I waved him off. His concern was sweet, but completely unwarranted. “It’s fine. I still have my shoes on.”
Apparently, that didn’t matter to Beckett.
He picked me up easily, and I found myself wrapping my legs around his waist. It was just for support, I told myself.
Just so he wouldn’t drop me. It had nothing to do with being able to grind against his rippling muscles to soothe the ache blooming between my legs.
There was just enough moonlight filtering in through the curtains that I could see the blatant desire in his eyes as he carried me into the bedroom.
Beckett was damn near feral as he threw me down on the mattress and loomed over me.
The shadow he cast was imposing, and yet I never felt the need to run.
Adrenaline coursed through my veins, giving me a sense of confidence I’d never possessed.
No one had ever looked at me like that before. His reverent expression quieted the noise in my head. The voices shouting that I wasn’t enough, or that I didn’t deserve this. He made me feel powerful and desirable, like I could do, say, or be anything, and it wouldn’t change how badly he wanted me.
“You’re so beautiful, Sawyer,” he murmured, rubbing his fingertips across his lips.
I tilted my head to the side, channeling every bit of bravado I could muster. “You’re not too bad yourself.”
“Not too bad?” He shook his head, placing his hand on his chest in mock outrage. “You’re shit for my ego.”
“Well, it’s hard to tell with all those clothes on,” I clarified. My blush spread like a wildfire from the apples of my cheeks down to my chest. The heat was barely tolerable, but I didn’t let it deter me. “Maybe if some of them disappeared…”
Beckett kept his eyes trained on mine as he reached behind his neck and tore the Henley from his back in one swift movement. It landed on the floor with a soft thud, followed by the clatter of a belt and the unmistakable sound of a zipper.
I leaned back, resting on my elbows as Beckett took his time undressing.
The man’s body was unbelievable. I didn’t think that kind of physique existed anywhere but in Photoshop, but he was living proof I was wrong.
There was a smattering of hair across his chest that went led down to a happy trail that disappeared beneath his dark boxers.
Holy hell. I was in trouble.
“How’s that?” His voice was tighter than it was before. Not quite as cocky.
“Y-Yeah,” I stammered, shaking myself out of my stupor. “I take it back. You’re like a freaking Greek statue or something.”
Beckett’s grin had my heart stuttering. He was so blatantly charming, so wildly charismatic, that it was easy to forget we’d only met hours ago. “Now it’s your turn.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him I’d changed my mind, but when was I ever going to get a chance like this again?
Most of the tourists who came through were arrogant pricks who’d rather stare at my tits than my eyes, or didn’t pay me a second glance.
Beckett may have been arrogant, but I felt safe with him.
That was what mattered, right? As crazy as it sounded, I knew he wouldn’t force me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with.
If I told him to stop right now, he’d drive me back to the fairgrounds and kiss me goodbye.
“Sawyer?” Beckett asked. He dropped into a crouch at the end of the bed, so we were nearly eye to eye. “You okay?”
I nodded, giving him a smile. Without knowing it, he’d reaffirmed what I already knew. “I’m great. Sorry, I just got—” I waved my hand in his direction “—distracted.”
“Is that so?” Beckett slowly slid his palms up my legs and beneath the fabric of my dress.
My legs parted for him as his thumbs swept across the inside of my thigh.
It was the worst kind of torture, being so close to what I’d always wanted and yet so far from it actually occurring.
It wasn’t too late. Either one of us could call this off. It would probably be smarter if we did.
But for once, I didn’t want to be smart.
I didn’t want to try to calculate the outcome of every risky choice I’d made, or cut it all short before I got the opportunity to experience something real for the first time.
Every day, I put others’ needs before my own.
My friends. My family. Even my customers.
I gave them my sparkle because I loved to watch them shine.
But tonight was about me. It was about what I wanted—what I needed—and I’d be damned if I let that slip through my fingers now.
I reached forward, grabbing the hem of my dress and pulling it over my head.
It wasn’t as sexy as they portrayed it in the movies.
My hair was a wild mess of waves, and the strap got caught on one of the tiny gold stars dangling from my earring.
“Ow. Shit,” I hissed, blindly attempting to extract myself.