Chapter 17 #2
I swallow at the use of the plural form of ring.
I wasn’t sure if we were participating in that tradition, so I had Markie do a little investigating last night when I panicked that I didn’t have one for Hartley.
His cover story at the park was perfect but made it hard to tell whether he was getting me one or not.
Once Markie confirmed he did, in fact, purchase something for me, I ran to the jewelry store in Sugar Creek and found a simple, safe one for him to wear while working on the ranch.
“Okay, I think we should get you in the dress before we fiddle with your hair,” Markie says. “Especially considering we don’t even know if it fits.”
She lifts a brow in displeasure.
“It’ll fit,” I say, hoping that I’m right.
She tried to make me try it on last night, but I refused.
Right now, Mom was the last person to wear that dress.
Once I put it on my body, that will be one more piece of her that’s been written over.
And that’s something that I haven’t put to rest emotionally.
Markie unzips the garment bag. Every inch it’s lowered makes my heartbeat notch higher. Once it’s exposed, so is my heart.
The dress is beautiful with lace and silk in an almost pearly white.
My memories of Mom stop when I was twelve.
We didn’t have time to discuss her wedding day, or talk about how she chose her dress, or how she fell in love with Dad.
I wish so badly, now more than ever, that I’d had the opportunity to talk to her about those things.
Quietly, I slip off my shorts and undo my top, discarding it on a bag I brought from Markie’s. I ignore the butterflies in my stomach as Markie takes the dress off the hanger. When her eyes meet mine, my lip trembles.
“Hey,” she says softly. “Are you okay?”
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, thankful that I haven’t put on my mascara yet. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I sniffle. “I don’t know why I’m getting emotional. I’m probably going to start my period or something.”
“It’s okay to be emotional, Mira. If it’s just nerves, that’s one thing. But if you’re having regrets, that’s another, and I want you to tell me right now, and I’ll call this whole thing off.”
My breath is shaky as I attempt to calm myself. “It’s just nerves.”
“About marrying Hartley?”
“Yeah, that and the dress.” I shrug helplessly. “It’s a lot to deal with in such a short amount of time. I wish Lolly had given me more time to think this through.”
She folds the dress over her arm. “We can call this off.”
I take another breath—a steadier one this time—and meet my sister’s gaze.
Even if I had more time to think about this, I would’ve done it. Sure, having a couple of weeks to process the situation and sit with my decision would’ve been nice, but at the end of the day, my decision would’ve been the same.
I’m not upset about having to marry Hartley Adler. In fact, I’d begun to think that I might never marry anyone because no man could meet the bar he set years ago. And marrying him seemed impossible.
It almost feels like a blessing to be in this situation with him.
Even though we’ll have rules to keep our hearts safe, marrying him is an opportunity that I never thought would surface.
And if spending a year with him with a ready-made way out is what it takes to make Lolly happy, then life could be so much worse.
So much worse.
“No,” I say, motioning for her to bring the dress to me. “We aren’t calling it off.”
She smiles. “Good. Because Beardsley called her again this morning to see if she’d accept his offer.” Her smile turns into a glare. “That man is a total creep, and I can’t tell you how happy it made me to hear Lolly tell him that his offer would expire on Sunday because she wasn’t selling.”
A knock rings through the room before Lolly enters. As soon as she realizes that she’s about to witness me putting on Mom’s dress, she tears up.
“No crying,” I say, choking back another wave of tears myself. “I seriously don’t want to cry.”
She squeezes the handkerchief in her hands and brings it to her lips.
Markie helps me slip the dress over my head. I wiggle around to get it situated correctly on my hips and then my sister fastens the back. When I spin to show my grandmother, tears are streaming down her cheeks.
“Lolly …” I laugh, struggling not to cry myself. “Stop crying.”
She takes my hand between hers and holds it tightly. “You look so much like your mother, Mira. She would be so happy and so proud today.”
Fuck it. I’ll just sob, too.
Tears fall as Markie moves in front of me. Her cheeks are wet, too.
“Mira, you have to see yourself,” Markie breathes, taking my hand and guiding me to a full-length mirror. “You’re glowing. It’s like this dress just lit you up.”
I gasp as my reflection comes into view. “Oh, my gosh.”
“I know,” Markie says, sweeping my hair into a makeshift updo. “You do resemble Mom so much. I got Dad’s nose. Boo.”
Giggling, I switch my gaze to her. “You do not. Stop it.”
“Oh, I do. But it’s okay.” She nods for me to look in the mirror again. “How do you feel in it?”
How do I feel? If I were writing a text for someone else, I’d be tempted to use ethereal. Resplendent. Complete. They’re random words I don’t often use—I didn’t even know I knew the word resplendent—but they come to mind first.
The dress does look like it was made for my body, and the color is perfect against my skin. But more than how I look, I feel beautiful. This dress feels important.
And I can feel my mother with me.
“I feel like a bride,” I say, smiling through the tears. “That’s crazy.”
Lolly comes next to me and sighs. “You have no idea how happy this makes me. I know I kind of did you dirty on the details—”
“You think?” I ask, laughing.
“But, honey, you need to trust me on this. This will all work out. And the fact that I get to see you on your wedding day is the cherry on top.”
Markie puts her arms around both of our shoulders, resting her head against mine.
“Lolly?” Markie asks.
“Yes, baby girl.”
“Thank you for making Mira get married and not me.”
I jab her in the side with an elbow, making everyone laugh.
The sunlight shifts, centering us in its rays. It’s like the universe is smiling down on us. And maybe from the heavens, Mom is smiling, too.