Chapter 20
What does it mean? He doesn’t want me to date anyone else.
He doesn’t want me to kiss anyone else. Does that mean he wants to kiss me again?
The thought of kissing him, of being close to him, is making heat glow deep in my midsection.
I still remember his warm skin under my fingertips and how his lips felt against mine when we collided in that lighthouse.
God, it’s stupid. He’s stupid. Annoyingly stupid. And most of all, I’m stupid for even thinking about that text. It was just a text. A text that literally said nothing. He’s just messing with me, and I don’t care. It’s teasing. Stupid teasing. I. Don’t. Care.
I finish my morning run faster than ever, and both Cactus and I are panting afterwards like we’ve been competing in a marathon. And I don’t care about being eaten by a shark when I throw my clothes off and march into the sea—in my bikini. Not making that mistake again.
Cactus refuses to join me and sits next to my pile of clothes, watching me attentively as I throw myself in the chilly water.
And I can’t explain the feeling, but it’s like finally being able to breathe normally again.
I feel complete among cold waves. I’ve missed my morning swims. I think I’d rather die here, under the surface eaten by a shark, than anywhere else. Because I never want to not do this.
Back home, we eat breakfast on the patio. The sky is cloudy, and the air a little bit cooler than yesterday.
My phone chimes from an incoming text and for a ridiculous moment I hold my breath, hoping it’s from Benjamin. It’s not. Why does that fill me with disappointment?
Iris: Lost Clara and I went up on every roller coaster.
And Dad, of course. I think he loved it more than any of us.
The sound of it now makes me smile. Though I forget all about it when I spot Lost I don’t want to see him at all. Not with her. It’s obvious she likes him. He must like her, too, why else would she be sitting on his lap?
Why does it feel like she’s sitting on something that’s mine?
I’ve had enough when she loops an arm around his neck as she throws her head back and laughs at something.
I turn on my heel and finally hurry back to the others. I have to stifle the urge to run. Back there, I lower myself next to Iris, giving her an apologetic look. “Margot just called, Cactus is not feeling well. She wanted me to come get her.”
Iris looks worried. “Is it serious?”
I shake my head quickly. “No. Just some stomach issue. But I need to pick her up.”
“Of course, you should go get her. Text me so I know she’s okay.”
“Promise. And I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. We’ll do it again soon.”
It’s started to rain when I get out, but I don’t even notice. I hurry to my bike, already soaking wet. Why am I reacting this way? What am I doing? Leaving like this?
The image of Benjamin with the stunning brunette is stuck on my retinas. I wish I could erase it forever. I never want to see them again.
What’s wrong with me?
I’m panting and dripping when I finally close my front door behind me. I lean back against the door, pressing my palms and back against the wooden surface. The house is dark, and all that can be heard is the distant sound of the rain pummeling the roof and my heavy breathing.
I’m totally confused. I can’t explain what just happened. Why do I feel sick? And why did I leave like that?
I let my head fall back as I stare at the black ceiling, and my chest heaves rapidly up and down.
A hard knock on the door makes my heart stop.
It’s way too late for visitors, but also—who would visit me?
Another knock echoes through the house, and this time my heart starts racing like a rabbit’s.
But this night has already been too much, so before I have time to think about possible serial killers (would they really knock, though?) I jerk open the door.
I flinch when I see who it is.
When I see Benjamin.