Chapter 25
Without a word, he opens my car door before I have time to do it myself, unbuckles my seatbelt, and scoops me up in his arms again.
I open my mouth to protest but close it again.
I remember Clara’s words about taking care of feelings, and I decide to actually do just that in this moment.
For once in my life, I’ll let myself enjoy the moment instead of fighting it.
So, I rest my head against his solid chest and close my eyes, filling my nose with the safest scent I’ve come to know.
I love how his arms make me feel small, how it feels like I’m safe here—like nothing bad can ever happen as long as I’m up here.
I hide my face deeper against the soft cotton covering his chest. He’s warm, and when I listen closely, I can hear his heartbeat on the other side.
I want to capture this moment forever. I wish I belonged in it.
I prepare for him to put me down when we reach his front door, but he doesn’t. Without even fussing with the keys, he unlocks the door and brings us both inside. Audrey greets us, but when she realizes that we’re alone, that Cactus isn’t with us, she disappears again with disgruntled steps.
Benjamin sits us down on a beautiful chair in one corner of the hall, adjusting me on his lap.
He moves a strand of hair from my face, studying my profile before gently leaning in and placing a featherlight kiss on my cheek.
He lingers with his lips against my skin, and I shiver under the simple connection.
With slow and gentle motions, he helps me take off my shoes.
“How many pairs of these do you own?” he asks, holding up the Jimmy Choo in front of me. His voice is deep and sprinkled with something warm.
“Just a few,” I say with a shrug.
“Don’t lie.”
Okay, if it’s the truth he wants, it’s the truth he’s going to get. I level him a look, challenging him. “I’ve lost count.”
“That’s what I thought.”
I cock my head, challenging him again. “No judgmental comment?”
“No. I like them. You’re sexy as hell in them.”
“If I remember correctly, you said they were ridiculous . . .”
“I lied,” he says simply.
I search for mockery on his face but there isn’t any. Huh. I arch an eyebrow, inspecting him more closely this time. “Wow, I didn’t take you for a shoe-kinda-guy.”
He puts down the shoe. “I’m not. I’m a you-kinda-guy.”
My heart flickers. “What a line . . .” I whisper, my words tinged with teasing.
“Shut up,” he says, silencing my chuckle with a kiss before standing, once again with me in his arms.
He sets me down on the couch, and I miss his body immediately. “Wait here.” I follow him with my gaze as he walks through the dark room and crouches in front of the fireplace.
“You’re going to make a fire?”
He nods without turning. “Yeah.”
Another flutter wiggles through me. I take in the dark silhouette of his back as he works, preparing the fireplace with logs and paper.
Just by watching him from here, I can tell he knows what he’s doing, that he’s done it many times before.
And it hits me how incredibly sexy it is with a man who knows these kinds of things.
Not just everything about the stock market but something so simple as lighting a fire.
When the first crackle from the wood breaks the silence, Benjamin rises to his full height again.
Seeing him walk back to me makes me feel like there’s hot liquid running in my veins.
How is it that this man has this power over me?
As soon as he’s near, I’m drawn into his orbit.
I can’t get away—and I’m not sure I want to either.
In his usual wordless manner, he sits down next to me and without hesitating, he drags me close to him.
He wraps me in his strong arms, holding me there.
We listen to the crackles and sparks from the fire without saying anything.
Every now and then, he presses his lips lightly to the crown of my head.
“You want anything?”
I shake my head. “No. I have everything I want already.”
“Me too.” His voice is low, muffled by my hair.
We fall silent, listening to the enchanting sound of the fire.
I love it. It’s a sound I haven’t heard in forever.
My grandparents had a fireplace in their summer house, and even though most of the nights we spent there were during summer, my granddad used to light it every time we asked him—which was often.
And every now and then our grandma would surprise us with a tray of everything we needed for s’mores.
S’mores. It makes me think of Clara. I want to show her Pearlband Beach. I want to show her the sunsets, the lighthouse, and the beach. I want to eat dinner with her on my patio. I want to bring her to Viv’s, to Lost & Found. And I want her to meet Cactus. Iris. Margot.
Benjamin.
“I haven’t seen you the last couple of days,” I say and feel my skin prickle as his thumb slowly strokes my arm, up and down.
“Or heard from you,” I add and regret it immediately.
He doesn’t need to know that I’ve noticed his absence.
Or that I haven’t been able to think about much else. Or that I’ve missed him.
I feel his chest expand under me. “Yeah . . . I’ve been out of town a couple of days.
” A weird feeling crawls up my spine. His voice is suddenly evasive.
There’s something he’s not telling me. An unpleasant thought hits me.
What if . . . What if he’s seeing someone?
I swallow, trying to get rid of this repellent feeling.
What if someone else has been resting in these arms the last couple of days? What if . . .
“It was a family matter,” he says out of nowhere, as if he heard my brain.
“A family matter?” I repeat like a stupid echo.
“Yeah . . .” he says, his voice still evasive but also a bit more reassuring. Okay, a family matter. I wait for a sequel that never comes. “I came back tonight.”
“Tonight?”
I feel him nod against my head, still grazing my arm with his thumb, causing a riot of goosebumps under the thin fabric of my sweater. “Mm.”
“Wow, you must’ve gone to Lost & Found almost as soon as you were back in town.”
Benjamin nods again. “I did,” he confirms.
“You’re either a very good friend or you’re very thirsty.”
He starts playing with a strand of my hair, causing an even bigger riot of goosebumps. “Neither.”
I chuckle. “Okay, you were dying for a game of pool?”
“No. I went there because Jake told me you were there.”
“Me?”
He kisses the top of my ear. “Yeah. I wanted to see you as soon as I was back.”
My breath gets stuck somewhere between my chest and my throat. He wanted to see me? I bite my lower lip, trying to ignore the heat seeping through my entire body.
“What have you been up to while I’ve been gone?”
I take a deep breath, using all my willpower to push every tingly awareness away. The logs pop loudly, and the heat has finally started to reach us. “I’ve been at Viv’s.”
He dips his chin softly. His thumb is back on my arm, drawing small circles on it. “I heard you’ve been doing great things there.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Apparently really good things.”
I feel my cheeks getting heated. “Oh, I don’t know . . .” I say, feeling shy.
“She brags about you.”
“She does?” I say, surprised, and can’t ignore the pang of happiness and pride in my chest. Viv brags about me?
“She does.”
I can’t stop my smile when I say, “I really love that place. It’s amazing. And it has so much potential. Just imagine the possibilities with an online store, for example. Just think about all the potential customers all around the country you could reach. All around the world.”
Benjamin’s thumb stills for a moment. “You’ve been giving this a lot of thought.”
“Yes,” I say quickly. Maybe too quickly. But it’s true, I have. I spend a lot of time thinking about Viv’s. Actually, a whole lot now that I think about it.
“Tell me about it.”
“About Viv’s?”
He nods.
I arch my eyebrows. “You really want to listen to that?”
“I really do.”
I think of the previous boyfriends I’ve had. How none of them were ever interested in hearing my opinion about anything. Not about what I wanted to do, and definitely not about my job. We discussed their job and their dreams, but never mine.
But this man, he wants to hear what I’ve been thinking about. He wants to hear about my dreams. And I realize I want to tell him. He’s been the one I’ve been thinking about every time something fun has happened lately. The one I’ve been wanting to tell.
So, I do. I tell him. Everything I’ve been thinking about when it comes to Viv’s.
Small things. Big things. Weird things. Everything.
And he listens. And he doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t make fun of me.
He takes me seriously. He accepts my inner thoughts.
And I feel completely safe while sharing them with him. I even enjoy it.
And when I’m done, he’s silent for a minute before saying, “I think you can do whatever you set your mind to.”
His words drill their way in between my ribs. He believes in me. I’m quiet for a beat, still not sure how to respond but ultimately, I can’t stop the smile crossing my face. “Thank you,” I whisper.
He doesn’t answer, just reaches for my hand, knitting our fingers together.
I look around. The room is dark, but I still make out the beautiful details in here, like the exposed beams above our heads. “Did you grow up in this house?”
He shakes his head. “No. I grew up in an apartment close to Main Street.”
“So, what’s the story with you and this house?”
“How do you know there’s a story?”
I shrug one shoulder. “A feeling.”
He laughs softly. “Well, I guess you’re right.
I grew up passing this house daily when I walked my dog.
I used to walk him to the lighthouse and every time I passed here, I would think it was the most beautiful house I’d ever seen—so different from the small apartment I lived in with my parents.
” He pauses, playing with my fingers. “And maybe it was childish, but I promised myself that I would live here one day. I couldn’t think of anything better than to live right next to the ocean. ”
I watch our knitted fingers. “And now you do. What happened?”
“I worked a lot. Saved up all my money. And by the time I had enough, the house was up for sale and a couple had already placed a bid.”
“So, what did you do?”
He drops his shoulders. “I visited the old man who lived here, explained to him why I loved this house and what I wanted to do with it, and by the time I was finished, he shook my hand and told me I had won the bidding.”
I can’t hide my smile. “Wow. Your parents must’ve been so proud.”
“Well, let’s just say I’ve never regretted the decision to move here.”
“I can see why. It’s the most beautiful house I’ve ever seen, too. It’s . . . perfect. I just miss one thing.”
He shifts his head. “What?”
I smile. “A porch swing.”
“A porch swing?”
I nod, still smiling. “Yeah. A house like this needs a porch swing. It’s almost a crime that you don’t have one. You should sit out there. Read. Smell the sweet peas. Watch the ocean.”
“I don’t have sweet peas.”
“But you should.”
He’s quiet for a moment. I wish I knew what he was thinking.
“Do you have siblings?” I can’t help but ask.
“No.”
“Have you ever wanted any?”
“No. I think it was good it was just me.” His voice is so determined that I don’t ask why. Why it was good that it was just him. “What about your sister, you seem close?”
The thought of Clara makes me smile and ache at the same time, as usual when it comes to her. I nod. “Yeah. But she lives in Sweden.”
He sounds surprised. “Sweden? Wow.”
“Yeah,” I say, feeling proud of my cool little sister. But then I sigh. “She’s been living in Sweden for a few years now, and I still haven’t been over there and visited her. She’s asked me a million times.”
“What’s stopped you?”
“I haven’t had the time,” I confess, feeling painfully stupid. It’s a weak fucking excuse for not visiting your only sister. “I work all the time,” I admit on an exhale. “I’ve never visited Clara in Sweden, and I never see my mom. Wow, I’m terrible,” I say, like I just now realized that.
His voice is soft when he speaks again. “No, you’re not. You’re human.”
“A human who has the wrong priorities.”
“Maybe. But that can change, you know.”
He’s right. It can change. It must change. I miss my mom, and I miss my sister.
“What was your dog’s name? Your childhood dog.”
I hear the trace of a smile in his voice when he replies. “Dexter.”
I smile, too. “It’s a good name. Only a tiny bit serial killery.” I hold up my thumb and index finger to show him just how tiny I mean.
Benjamin barks out a laugh, and it’s a wonderful sound. It makes my stomach tingly.
“Is he the reason why you wanted to be a vet?”
He nods. “Yes, he was.”
Because animals love unconditionally. His words from that first night at Lost & Found ring in my ears.
His thumb has traveled down my body.
“Why a sunflower?”
My eyes wander to the place he’s touching me.
To the small tattoo under my right hipbone.
I inhale silently, remembering the nineteen-year-old June marching into a local tattoo shop, wanting to mark her skin with something that was important to her.
“Because I believed they were beautiful and free.”
“And you don’t believe that anymore?”
I hesitate. “I don’t know,” I say finally.
We’re silent for a beat. All that’s heard is the crackle from the fireplace. “I think they’re stunning and independent.”
Something inside my chest crackles just like the logs.
We sit still and quiet, letting the fire fill in the blanks.
I think about my life. What it’s been. What I once wanted it to be.
I wonder how common it is for the two of them to be the same.
Benjamin keeps drawing circles on my skin, but it feels like he’s drawing them on my heart.
I shift my head, burying my nose at the bottom of his throat. His skin is so soft. I fill my nose with his smell, hoping it will stay there forever.
We eventually fall asleep. His arms still holding me, and my heart etched with small circles.