33. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE #3
The rejection shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, especially when I’m the one who caused it, but something cold still crawls through my chest as I let my arm fall uselessly back to my side.
“Find another whore to experiment with.”
For a second, I don’t understand what he’s said.
The word sounds wrong coming from him. Ugly in a way Theo never is about this shit, and that makes it hit even harder because I know he’s not really saying it about himself.
He’s telling me what I just made him feel like.
“Theo, you aren’t—”
He turns away before I can finish, shutting me out so completely that frustration surges through the guilt already twisting inside me.
“Would you just fucking listen to me for a second?” I snap.
Theo starts to move away and I go after him, catching his wrist before he gets more than a step. My fingers close around it, holding on when he tries to pull free.
“I said something fucking shitty. I know that. But you don’t get to decide what I meant by it and then walk away before I can—”
The door swings open, both of us jerking toward it.
My hand drops from Theo’s wrist so fast it’s almost instinctive, and I stumble back a step, my heart slamming straight into my throat as Marcus walks into the room without so much as knocking.
“I thought that was you.”
His eyes land on me first.
Then Theo.
Then the space I’ve just put between us.
Marcus’s brows pull together as he looks between us, and I can practically see him taking inventory. Me in Theo’s clothes. Theo standing there looking like he wants to put his fist through something. The tension in the room thick enough that even Marcus couldn’t miss it.
“What’s going on here?”
“Connor was just leaving.”
I look at Theo.
His voice is completely flat.
Cold.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard him talk to me like that before, and I fucking hate it.
My teeth grind together as I stare at him, willing him to look at me properly. To give me another minute. Anything.
“No,” I say firmly. “I really wasn’t.”
Marcus’s gaze flicks between us again, but I barely register him anymore.
Theo’s jaw flexes.
For a second, I think he’s going to argue. His tongue presses into the inside of his cheek, his eyes flicking from me to Marcus and back again, frustration tightening every line of his face.
Then he gives one stiff nod.
And walks out.
I stare after him.
What the fuck?
“Theo.”
He doesn’t stop.
I hear his footsteps disappear down the hall, and panic surges low in my stomach. Every instinct tells me to go after him, but Marcus is still standing in the doorway looking like he’s walked into the middle of a conversation in a language he doesn’t speak.
“What the fuck did I miss?”
I drag a hand down my face.
“Nothing.”
It sounds hollow even to me, my eyes still fixed on the doorway.
“Just another stupid argument,” I add quietly, and the words leave a bitter taste behind because that isn’t what it was.
Not even close.
Marcus is still watching me.
I can feel it, that older-brother stare that usually makes me want to tell him to mind his own business. Right now, I don’t have enough fight left for it.
I swallow against the lump sitting in my throat and finally drag my eyes away from the empty hallway.
“Uh, give me a minute?”
My voice shakes.
Marcus's head tilts slightly, the irritation in his expression giving way to something more concerned. “You’ll explain?”
Explain what?
That I slept with his best friend?
That I woke up wrapped around him this morning and nearly stayed in bed because leaving felt wrong?
That Theo asked me not to go last night and I promised I’d try, only to throw the fact he wanted me in his face the first time I got scared?
That I don’t have a fucking clue what any of this makes me, but apparently the thought of Theo believing he’s nothing more than an experiment makes me feel like someone’s hollowed out my chest?
“I don’t—” My hand goes back into my hair, fingers catching and tugging hard enough to sting. “Uh-”
Nothing comes after it.
I don’t even know where I’d start.
Marcus watches me for another few seconds before his shoulders drop with a sigh.
“Jesus.”
He shakes his head and turns toward the door.
Relief loosens the tension in my chest, even if it doesn’t touch the knot sitting beneath it. “Thank you.
“Uh-huh.”
He steps into the hallway before glancing back at me.
“Whatever it is, just sort it out.” He points vaguely between me and wherever Theo disappeared to. “I don’t even know which one of you I’m supposed to be mad at right now, and it’s messing with my zen.”
Despite everything, my face scrunches.
“Your zen?”
“Shut up,” Marcus shoots back.
He disappears into his room, and a second later his door clicks shut.
The silence that follows feels enormous.
I stay where I am, staring through Theo’s open doorway, waiting for footsteps I already know aren’t coming back.
My gaze drops to myself.
His T-shirt.
His joggers.
His smell still clinging to me.
Ten minutes ago, wearing his clothes made something warm spread through my chest.
Now I just feel sick.
Because Theo asked me to stay.
I did.
And somehow I still managed to make him feel like I’d already left.