32. Noah #2
As I head out the door with our trembling girl, the guilt seeps its way through my veins.
If I had come home earlier… if I hadn’t drunk so much…
if I had just answered her calls… she wouldn’t have put herself in a dangerous situation.
She wouldn’t have gone to Gabe for safety and comfort.
She would have stayed in bed with me, and none of this would have happened.
I put her in this situation. It’s my fault she got hurt.
It’s my fault if she never forgives Gabe…
Once in my bedroom, I lay us down in bed and pull the covers over us.
She sticks to me like she wishes she could crawl into my skin, and it fucking hurts.
It hurts seeing her like this… I continue to glide my fingers through her hair as I hum to her.
I’m not even sure what I’m humming, but I remember my dad doing this to my sister when she was little and couldn’t understand why our mother left her.
And just like Trinity, Veronica’s cries slowly subside until her breathing turns to a dull rhythm, and she falls asleep.
I want to stay with her forever, never leave her side again.
But I also know my best friend is most likely freaking out right now and needs someone to talk him out of doing something crazy.
So I wait until she’s heavy in my arms, then untangle myself from her delicately and exit the room, leaving the door slightly ajar for me to hear her if she wakes up.
I go to Gabe’s room first but find it empty. Heading down the stairs next, I spot him sitting at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee in hand. When I get closer, I notice the tremble in them as he clutches them around his mug. His eyes are wide and red as he stares straight ahead.
I come up to the counter slowly, reaching up in the cabinet for a mug and pouring myself some coffee as well. When I’m done and turn around, I find his gaze on mine, deep remorse burning in his eyes. “I swear I didn’t know what I was doing… I would never do that to her…”
“I know,” I tell him genuinely. Gabe is far from a violent guy, and he loves Veronica deeply. I know he would never wish her any harm.
“How… how is she?” He swallows, a shiny layer glossing over his eyes.
“She’s sleeping.”
He nods and looks down at his mug. “I should probably go while she’s still sleeping… She won’t want me here when she wakes up.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. She’s in shock right now, but it will pass.
She knows you, Ellis. She knows you would never want to harm her, and she’ll know how much you regret what happened.
Veronica is strong, she’ll be okay.” I take a sip of my coffee.
“She knew you had nightmares, Gabe. She still chose to go into your room. Don’t beat yourself up over it. ”
His head whips up, a glare aimed my way. “So, you’re saying it’s her fault I nearly killed her?! Because that’s what would have happened if you hadn’t shown up on time. She would be lying in that bed, lifeless, and I wouldn’t even be aware of how it happened!”
“No. I’m saying it’s my fault… if I had been here, she wouldn’t have gone to your room.” I work my jaw, feeling the need for something stronger than coffee quickly rising.
“Maybe, but that doesn’t change the fact that I shouldn’t be here. What I did was unforgivable. I’m supposed to protect her, and instead I hurt her… It’s best if I go.” He drops my gaze again.
“Just wait until she wakes up… see how she’s doing and let her decide what she wants. We don’t know how she’ll be when she wakes.”
“I don’t want her to be scared of me again, Noah…” A tear slips past his lid. “I don’t know how I’ll live with myself if she is…”
“She won’t, our girl is stronger than you think. This won’t tear her down.” I shake my head, emphasizing my point.
He just watches me for a moment before speaking again in a whisper. “I hope you’re right.”
VERONICA
I wake up just as Noah enters the room. “Hey,” he says quietly, coming over and sitting down on the bed beside me just as I pull myself up against the headboard. “How are you feeling?”
I’m not exactly sure how I’m feeling at this moment.
I know in my moment of panic a few hours ago, I clung to him out of fear.
But now that the feeling has faded, all I feel is anger.
I’m angry at him, I’m hurt that he’s been pushing me away.
I’m upset that he doesn’t realize that I might be hurting, too.
I may not have known Trinity for a long time, but I grew close to her.
I miss going to see her every other day, I miss holding her hand as I told her all my deepest secrets knowing she’ll never share them with anyone else.
I’m sad that she’s gone and that I’ll never be able to see Noah’s face light up again, the way it did every time he looked at her.
“I’m fine.” I push the covers off my legs and step out of bed. “I’m going to take a bath,” I say, not looking at him as I pad over to the bathroom.
“Do you want me to stay with you?” he asks when I reach the door.
I stop, hand gripping the doorway, and look over my shoulder. “No.” I walk in and close the door behind me, locking it. I need to be alone right now, I need time to think and process everything. Having him beside me won’t help me think clearly.
I turn the water on in the tub, grabbing a bottle of bubble bath and Epsom salts that Gabe left here for me, and pour a generous amount into the warm water. Then I remove my panties and Noah’s shirt I had slipped on last night before stepping into the tub.
After an hour of relaxing and clearing my mind, I emerge from the bath and grab the towel hanging on the rack. I quickly pat my body dry, then towel-dry my wet hair as I walk over to the mirror. My hands stop their motion when I notice the red marks along my neck.
I place the damp towel on the vanity and look at myself in the mirror, my fingers delicately passing over the red fingerprints. Regardless of what happened and how scared I was at the moment, I’m not angry with Gabe. I don’t blame him, and I know he didn’t do it on purpose.
I understand how sometimes your nightmares can trap you in, make you imagine things that aren’t really there.
How they seem so lifelike and all you can do is fight back.
And even though I was on the receiving end, I’m happy he finally fought back, even if it was only in a dream.
But knowing Gabe, he’s most likely beating himself up with guilt over this.
I take a step back from the vanity, getting a better view of my body in the mirror. My fingers leave my bruised neck and travel down to my breast, over the little love bites Gabe left there yesterday. Then further down to my hips that still hold his handprints from how hard he took me.
A smile forms along my lips as I remember it all. I don’t want him to think I hate him, that I blame him in any way. I need him to know that I’m okay and that I forgive him. That this changes nothing between us.
How could it? Gabe has been nothing but wonderful to me. He’s been here, by my side, doing everything in his power to make me happy. He never once made me feel abandoned like Noah has these past few days. I can’t have him distancing himself from me because of this. I won’t let him.
I pick up the towel and wrap it around my body, then unlock the door and pull it open. When I step out, I find Noah sitting at the end of the bed, elbows on his spread knees, head in his hands.
He looks up the moment he hears me. “I know you said you didn’t want me to stay, but it didn’t feel right leaving you…”
“Oh, now it doesn’t feel right?” I scoff and turn for the walk-in.
“I’m sorry, Veronica. I know I messed up.” He drops his head back down.
I pull on a pair of white lacy panties with a tiny white camisole, then step back out of the closet with the towel in hand.
“Where the hell were you, Noah? Where the fuck have you been for the last week? I asked you to give me news, to not take your fucking car when you’re drinking!
You told me you would, yet you’re still acting recklessly!
I get you’re hurting, Noah. I fucking get it!
But you’re going to kill yourself if you keep going like this. ”
He doesn’t even look up, doesn’t explain himself. All he says is a simple, “I know.”
His reply infuriates me even more. I stomp into the bathroom, throwing the towel into the laundry basket, and walk back into the room, stopping right in front of him with an outstretched hand. “Give me your keys.”
This time he lifts his head, looking at my hand. “What?”
“I said give me your keys. I can still smell the alcohol on you, so give me your fucking keys. I’m cutting you off.” I motion with my hand, telling him to hurry. He sighs and digs into his pocket, dropping his car key in my palm.
“You want to fucking go out all day and night and get drunk, find your own way.” I turn and storm out of the room. If I have to play the evil girlfriend to potentially save his life, then so be it.
I head into Gabe’s room and straight into his walk-in, where I pull down a big black hoodie from one of the hangers and slip into it.
The thing is so huge it covers me up to mid-thigh.
It also covers my neck slightly, which is what I was hoping for.
I know if Gabe sees the marks, he’ll never forgive himself.
I then walk barefoot down the steps, looking for my poor broken man. He isn’t in the living room or the kitchen. I stop quickly in the laundry room, stashing Noah’s car keys in the back of the cleaning products cabinet.
He’ll never think of looking there, and if he knows what’s good for him, he won’t even try to look for them. Then I head for the home gym next, which is usually his sanctuary, but come up empty.
Where the hell is he? He’d better not have left!