35. Gabriel
Chapter thirty-five
Gabriel
Set me free.
I watch from the outdoor couch as Ronnie gently caresses a small brown bird’s back.
I’m convinced that bird is the same one that comes by every single day to see her.
She keeps telling me no, that there are millions that look the same, but I swear, every time she steps out here, that little feathery creature pops out of nowhere and instantly goes to her.
Hell, it even lets her pet it, while if I get close, it flies away instantly. That’s her bird, and she knows it.
When she’s had her fill of spending time with her little friend, she turns to me with a warm smile and finally comes back to my side, plopping down on the couch next to me.
I take her wrists in my hands, softly gliding my thumbs over the bandages a little higher.
I hate that we did this to her, that we put her in a position that made her feel like she needed to hurt herself.
“Stop, Gabe. I’m fine. You guys are overreacting with this.” She takes my hands in hers, stopping me from touching her arms.
“Still, we should have realized you weren’t ready for anything like that.
We’ve been careful not to step over your limits, but today we pushed you too far, and that’s not okay.
How can you truly trust us with your body when we can’t even read you properly or in time to stop this from happening?
The last thing I want is to put you in a situation that will make you struggle mentally, Vixen, and I hate that we did that today. ”
“Baby, stop,” she says again, climbing over me to straddle my lap. “You and Noah didn’t do anything wrong. He asked for my permission before putting me in that position, and if I hadn’t wanted you to join or him to hold me in such a way, I would have said something.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts.” She grabs my face between her palms. “I wanted it, Gabriel. And there are a lot more things that I want to try with you both, but you need to understand that despite how much we try to avoid it, there will be moments that set me back slightly. This is all new to me as well, maybe not the sex part, but the trusting someone else entirely with my body. Just like Dr. Hallaway said, you can’t expect it all to be sunshine and roses.
” She smiles tenderly, her thumb brushing back and forth over my cheekbone.
“I may be tough on the outside, but there are parts of me inside that are still fragile and healing, parts that still hold fear. And sadly, the only way we’ll get through them is by facing them.
” She shrugs, and fuck, do I love how brave she is through every step we take.
“You need to stop worrying so much about me. I’m a big girl. ”
I chuckle and fist her hair, bringing her lips to mine. “We’ll never stop worrying about you, Vixen. That’s just something you’ll have to get used to.”
“Hm, I guess I could try to get used to it.” She rolls her eyes, but I don’t miss the way her eyes light up.
“Think of it this way, you know how Hayes is with Cece?” Her eyes instantly widen as I bring my hands down to her waist and give it a little squeeze. “You’ll be the lucky lady to get two of those just for you.”
Throwing her head back, she lets out the most beautiful laugh I’ve ever heard. “Oh God! That did not sound as lovely as you thought it di—” Ronnie’s face suddenly falls as she stops abruptly and looks past me.
Fear instantly rises within me, and I quickly look back through the glass windows that gives a view inside the penthouse.
I’m expecting to see Victor, or something to indicate that he was just there, but all I find is Noah standing in the middle of the living room, looking down at whatever it is he’s holding.
Ronnie quickly climbs off my legs and hurries inside as I follow behind her.
“Babe?” She takes tentative steps toward him as he looks up from the bottle of Scotch in his grasp.
“I… I saw a liquor store on my way out of my appointment,” he admits and slowly lifts it up, holding it out for her. “Can you get rid of it? Don’t tell me where you put it.”
Vixen takes it from his hand with a nod and holds it to her chest while searching his eyes that are red-rimmed. She doesn’t say anything and instead gives him time to express himself.
“It was harder than I thought it would be… I was going to open it.”
She tosses the glass bottle to the couch and quickly steps closer to him, taking his face between her hands like she did to me earlier.
“But you didn’t, Noah; that’s what really matters.
You may have been tempted, but you stopped yourself when it mattered most. Those are good steps, babe. Don’t see this as a failure.”
“How can I not? We barely fucking talked about anything, Veronica, and I couldn’t even handle that without wanting to drink…” he admits, his voice cracking slightly with emotions.
“But you’re trying, Noh, and you did the right thing by coming back here and giving it to me,” she tries to reason with him, but I can see it in his eyes; he’s struggling more than he’s letting on.
Fuck, does it pain me to see my best friend like this, but if anyone can help him, it’s that beautiful girl right there.
“And what about next time? What if you aren’t here when I get home?”
“Then I’ll fucking make sure I am. Hell, if I have to, I’ll come with you and sit in the car to make sure you don’t have to go through this alone. If you need me, Noah, I’ll be there. Just say the word, and I’ll do it.”
He swallows and nods, then rests his forehead against hers as his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her in. “Fuck, you’re too good for me.”
“She’s too good for both of us,” I add, chuckling.
“Is she okay?” Noah asks, looking up toward the stairs.
Ronnie disappeared about two hours ago, claiming she was going to take a shower, yet she still hasn’t returned, and I was honestly starting to get worried as well.
Despite her repeatedly saying she’s okay with what happened this morning in the elevator, it’s still hard for us to take her word, and we’ve been trying to give her a bit of space.
Hence why neither of us has gone up to check on her despite thinking about it for the last hour and a half.
“I wouldn’t know any more than you do.” I shrug from where we’re seated on the couch watching TV. “She keeps saying she is, but we’re not in her head, so it’s hard to tell.”
“So she didn’t say anything to you while I was gone?”
I shake my head. “Nothing aside from telling me we need to stop worrying about her.”
Noah snorts. “Like hell if she thinks we will.”
“Precisely what I said.” I chuckle.
Just then, the sound of delicate footsteps coming down the stairs catches our attention.
Because yes, we muted the sound on the TV one hour ago to make sure we could hear her if something was wrong.
Holy shit, we really are obsessed with her well-being.
We both turn in our spots to see her walking over to the kitchen island with a bag in hand.
She sets it down slowly, then lets out a breath and looks our way. “Could you boys come here, please.”
We frown at each other before standing and walking over to her. Noah looks from the bag to her, then back to the bag. “What’s going on?”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since this morning,” she starts. God damn it, I knew she wasn’t really okay. “Mostly about something I said to you,” she looks at me, “about how I’ll never truly be able to deal with my fears if I don’t face them.” Where is she going with this?
“But also concerning a comment both of you made today, about how I may not be at a stage where I trust you enough to do things that scare me.” Ronnie looks down at the ground and shakes her head.
“But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
I do trust you both, more than I’ve ever trusted anyone else in my life, in ways that I didn’t even know I was still capable of trusting.
” She turns her gaze to the bag next. “That’s why I brought this down with me. ”
“What’s in it?” I ask, trying to look inside, but I’m not close enough to see what it contains.
“Do you remember when I went on that little shopping spree with Em and bought a whole bunch of things with your card but pretended I didn't?” She smirks when Noah and I laugh.
“Oh, trust me, we remember very well.” Noah smiles at her and folds his arms over his chest.
“Good. As you recall, I went to a few… specific boutiques, and I’m sure you were both dying to know what exactly I had bought.”
“Still very curious.” I chuckle.
“Well, you won’t have to wait much longer.” She finally turns toward the bag, placing her back to us, and reaches in with both hands.
I can hear packages being tossed around, and with the size of the bag, there’s clearly a lot of things in there.
Finally, she grabs hold of something and stops moving.
I see the way her shoulders stiffen slightly, the way her back moves as she takes in a deep breath.
But the thing I notice the most is how her hands tremble as she finally removes them from inside the bag.
My eyes widen instantly when I see what she’s holding, and a quick glance at Noah tells me he’s just as shocked.
Ronnie lays them out on the countertop and faces us once more.
“Three years ago, I promised myself that I would never allow another man to tie me up or put me in a position where I had complete loss of control. That I would never EVER allow myself to trust a man to a degree where I would give him permission to do such things to me.”
She picks up the first item to her left and lifts it. “I am not ready for this one. I’m not saying it’s a hard no, but it won’t be any time soon.” Despite the hint of a tremble in her voice, she speaks with confidence.
Vixen sets down the blindfold and instead picks up the next items in each hand, a pair of leather handcuffs and what looks like satin bondage restraints. She slowly takes a few steps forward until she’s standing right in front of us.