9. Maddy
MADDY
MADDY’S EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY
“Happy birthday, bitch!” My friend Kira embraces me in a hug as I open the door for her. “What the hell are you doing in your pajamas? We’re going out to party.”
I huff. To be fair, I didn’t have any plans to party tonight, though I didn’t expect anything less from my friends.
Unlike me, they enjoy socializing. I prefer my quiet. Some chocolate, a good TV show, or a smutty book under the blankets. For me it’s the perfect way to spend the evening. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to get away with this.
Jasmin shows up behind Kira and suffocates me with her affection next.
“Happy birthday, girlie. We were going to bring you a present, but we thought we’d do something better and take you out for dinner, before giving you the night of your life.
There might be a stop or two in places involving underage drinking and stolen alcohol. ” She winks at me.
“Well, I mean, we did get you something.” Kira nudges Jasmin. “Here.”
She hands me a gift with wrinkled wrapping.
I am quick to unwrap it and am met with a big bow hair clip that shines bright purple.
“This is so cute!” I hug both my friends. “Thank you.”
“So, we’re heading out, yeah?” Jasmin asks.
“Not with her dressed like this.” Kira points at my outfit.
A lilac pajama set with white flowers on it.
“Oh, heck no.”
“Let’s go to your room. We can gossip about school drama while we wait for you to get ready.”
It’s Saturday, which means we’re off from school. I didn’t want to do anything, but the sudden serotonin in my veins is undeniable. That’s the thing about friends, you might want to stay home and be a couch potato, but their energy can change your mind in a second.
“I was going to suggest we stay home, make popcorn, and watch a movie, but your idea sounds more fun,” I say.
“Oh, absolutely not.” Kira shakes her head. “What are we? Seventeen?”
Jasmin giggles.
Kira’s birthday was last month, kissing our summer vacation goodbye. And Jasmin’s was in June. Being a September baby, I’m the last one to become of age in our friend group.
I laugh with them.
“It’s your eighteenth birthday; we have to do something proper!” Jasmin says, steepling her fingers in an evil-mastermind kind of way. She’s definitely planning something.
Nostalgia fills me up as we go up to my room, and the girls jump on my bed while I debate whether to wear a dress or the classic jeans and T-shirt.
Soon, we’re all going our separate ways to different colleges. We promised to keep in touch, but I don’t know if that’ll hold up.
This makes me even more eager to spend this time with them on my birthday.
I end up going with a lilac camisole that matches the hairpin I got, and washed-out jeans.
“Hey Mads, what’s this?” Kira, who’s lurking at my desk, picks something up and flashes it at me.
My eyes widen at the sight of the red puck.
Last thing I remember, I left it with Kayden. I’d hoped for once, he would be the one calling me, but this past month, we’ve both been busy. Him, with the coding and nagging from his dad, and me, starting my senior year.
As much as I enjoyed our conversations and our time on the roof, life got in the way.
We greet each other daily and make small talk during dinner, a typical stepsister and brother relationship. We haven’t gotten deep with each other again.
I try not to make a big deal out of it or think too much of it.
I have no idea what we’re doing. I won’t lie, being at school without him, and not having him being a dick to me in the halls, is lackluster.
I can’t believe we’re not pushing each other’s buttons anymore.
That we finally came to terms that we’re stuck together.
Fuck, being at each other’s throats was exhausting.
But…I think I miss the attention it brought me.
And those times on the roof—I felt like he saw me. The real me. The one who’s eager to be picked by someone. Not to be left behind, as all men in my life had done before.
Which is why, in retrospect, it doesn’t surprise me that he hasn’t asked for another meeting on the roof for over a month. This is how men in my life usually are—absent. What am I expecting from him, anyway?
That’s why seeing the puck here, in my friend’s hand, in my room, makes me spiral.
“Where did you find that?”
“It was here.” Kira points at my desk.
“Are you hooking up with a goalie or something?” Jasmin teases me.
I roll my eyes. “Shut up.”
Kira shakes her head in disbelief. “I feel like we’d know if she was seeing someone in our hockey team.”
“True.” Jasmin purses her lips. “Hold on. Is he in college?” she asks. “Or wait…Is he older?”
“Is he a coach?” Kira raises an eyebrow, playing along with Jasmin’s nonsense.
I scoff, flipping my hair to the back. “I’d never date a hockey coach.”
“Why not? They’re hot.”
Kira and I stare at Jasmin.
“Sometimes.” Jasmin bites her bottom lip. “In books.”
We let out a relieved breath and nod.
“We’ll let that one slide, because facts,” Kira says. “Okay, Maddy, details, please.”
My friends extend their attention to me.
The thing is, the puck wasn’t there. I know that.
Which can only mean one thing. Kayden came into my room and put it there for a reason.
My heart clutches at the realization he wants to talk.
I don’t know whether it’s on the roof or his room, but he wants to talk.
I snatch the puck off Kira’s hand. “I am not dating anyone, girls. Chill your vaginas.”
They both burst out laughing, and throw themselves on my bed.
“You could have just said no,” Kira says. “You’re still a virgin, aren’t you?”
“Still?” Jasmin asks.
I press both my hands to my hips. “We are only eighteen. No need to rush.”
Kira shrugs. She’s the serial dater of the group.
“She’s not completely wrong,” Jasmin says. “Maybe she’s waiting until we get to college next year. That’s when things are supposed to get wild anyway.”
“You bitches know I love to be ahead of everything,” Kira says. She’s also the overachiever among the three of us.
“That we do,” I say. “I’ll be right back, I think I left my favorite lipstick in one of the bathroom cabinets,” I lie. A white lie. They’ll never know. “Don’t go anywhere.”
“Where would we go?” Kira shouts as I exit the room.
I can’t have a proper conversation with Kayden now, but I want to at least let him know we can talk later.
That I’m here if he wants to.
I check the attic first, climbing the ladder but heading back down as soon as I see the window is shut.
Then, make my way downstairs to his room. The door is closed, and I knock to make my presence known.
A second later, I hear a click and let myself in.
“Close the door behind you.” Kayden’s voice is low and intense. He’s sitting at his desk, staring at his computer, with headphones on. “Lock it.”
I press the little button on the doorknob.
I haven’t been in his new room since he moved, but the layout is pretty similar to his old one.
Bed, TV in front, closet to the side. Except the desk is right beside the TV this time.
Standing in place, I stretch my hand to show the red puck.
“You wanted to talk?”
Kayden swings around in his computer chair. “Yep.”
The way his mouth turns into an O shape for a moment, and his eyes travel the length of me, sends tickles through my body. Anticipation builds up inside me.
“Are you going somewhere?” he asks.
My face falters.
I don’t know what I expected him to say. That I look nice, maybe? I knew he wouldn’t. I know Kayden doesn’t give compliments. Why do I even want him to? Stepbrothers don’t compliment their stepsisters. And we aren’t supposed to want to hear that from them.
“Yes.” I gnaw at my lip. “I’m about to go out for dinner.”
He raises an eyebrow. “With a guy?”
I shake my head. “Kira and Jasmin are treating me for my birthday.”
“That’s nice.”
“I just saw this.” I show him the red puck again. “And thought I’d check in with you. We can talk later if you want or—”
“No need.” He stops me. “I’ll make it quick. It’s your birthday, after all. I’m sure you want to have fun with your friends.” He opens a drawer beneath his desk and takes something out.
He stands up, hiding it behind his back.
“I got this for you.” He stretches the hidden item toward me faster than I can react.
It’s wrapped in ugly brown wrapping, and it has a tiny bow made from red tape in the middle.
Book-shaped, and about the size of it, too. Anticipation bubbles up inside me.
“What is this?”
“Open it.”
He steps back to give me more room.
My clumsy fingers attempt to unwrap it in a lady-like manner first, failing and simply tearing off the paper from every direction possible. It’s a wine-colored notebook with a smooth hard cover, no decorations or writing on it. I flip to the first page to find it empty.
“This is...an empty notebook?”
“Yeah. You like reading, Madelyn. It’s time you write your own story,” he says, rubbing the back of his head. “Or, you can use it to make notes. Turn it into a diary. I don’t know. I saw it and thought of you.”
I never told Kayden that I adore stories and it’s a dream of mine to one day write something.
But, in all honesty, I don’t think I ever could.
Yet, the thought of him giving me this. That he put enough thought into thinking of what I may like as a present, and gave me something with a personal meaning?
My pulse rushes through my veins. I’m at a loss for words.
It’s the sweetest thing someone has ever done for me.
“Thank you.” Tears well in my eyes. I don’t know why, but I feel the need to do something about it. To thank him in some way, other than with words. Before he can stop me or complain, I forward and wrap him in a one-armed hug.
Except my arm is grabbed in seconds, stopping me mid-action.
I stare up at Kayden, his height overpowering my own. He’s so tall and big.
“What are you doing?”
“I-I was going to…” I stutter. “Hug you?”
“I don’t want a hug.”
He’s still gripping my arm with his fist, tight around me.
I can’t move.
“But this will do.”
He leans forward, crouches, and presses his lips against mine. One of his hands flies to my hip, the other to my face as he pulls me toward him.
I don’t know what I’m doing, but I follow. Allowing him entrance when his tongue pushes through my teeth.
My eyes close, and heat spreads throughout my body. My heart races so fast I may even faint.
What the hell is going on?
He’s minty and fast, but tender at the same time.
His tongue finds mine with ease, and his lips are sucking on my mouth.
I lean closer to him, craving that taste, that new sensation that sends butterflies bursting, fireworks exploding in my chest. My whole body vibrates with emotion, and an unfamiliar warmth spreads down to my most sensitive place.
He releases me, my lips parted and tender.
I blink, unable to form words. I press the notebook tight against my chest.
My first kiss. He stole my first kiss. And I freaking responded to him.
Kayden just kissed me.
“W-why did you…”
“Kiss you?” A smirk sneaks up on his face. “Because I wanted to. You wanted to give me something in return for my gift, so I chose your lips. Happy birthday, Little Demon.”
“W-why?” I can’t process what just happened. “Kayden, w-we can’t. You’re my—We’re—”
“Maddy, relax. It’s just a kiss.”
“It’s not just a kiss. It’s my f…” I pause, unable to say it out loud.
My cheeks turn into pure marinara sauce. I can’t say it. He’ll laugh.
“Oh. Shit.” He palms his mouth. His eyes freeze for a moment. “Shit.” A cackle. “That was your first kiss.”
I can’t even look at him now. My heart’s thumping so damn fast. I can’t think.
I can’t say or do anything. How am I supposed to go out with my friends and pretend nothing happened after this?
I’m so dead. Oh my God, I—
“What’s so funny?” I mutter and push him back, looking away.
“Maddy.” He pulls me closer again, cupping my chin with his hand. “Calm down. It’s okay. You’re spiraling. It’s just a kiss.”
I stare into his deep blue eyes, lost in that ocean of his, trying to settle my thoughts.
I can’t. We can’t. This…what was that?
“I take it back.” He kisses his finger and presses it against my mouth. “There. You got your first kiss back.”
“That’s not how it works.”
“I know that’s not how it works.” His tone shifts, moodier, stronger. His eyebrows narrowed. “Jeez. This is why we can’t have nice things.”
He steps back and slumps against his bed.
I don’t even want to take it back. It’s not that.
The one thing I can’t fathom is the fact that Kayden kissed me. Me. His stepsister.
The one whom he has enjoyed bullying for the past two years. I thought we were finally getting past that. And now…he kissed me. Like it was nothing. A rite of passage.
The worst part is that I liked it.
I liked it so much more than I can admit.
“I-I have to go. Thank you for the gift.”
I run away, pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind.
We can’t. No. This can’t happen. It’s wrong. If our parents find out, things will get bad.
Mom won’t like it, and Lucas will definitely be against us.
It doesn’t matter that he makes every part of me melt under his touch. That my heart feels like it’s about to explode whenever he’s around. The reality is clear.
I can never have him.