11. Maddy
MADDY
People always leave.
They change. Forget. They get busy.
It’s been four weeks since I started college, and I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I think I’m coming to terms with it.
Kira and Jasmin have no intention of contacting me, no matter how long we’ve been friends.
I have proof right in front of my eyes—the messages I’ve sent them have gone unanswered.
It’s okay. Jordan’s nice enough, and even though we’re different in all aspects, I enjoy spending time with her.
While she’s super outgoing, I’m calm and shy.
I don’t open up a lot, and she’s been telling me all about her private life.
Like how she’s been hooking up with one of the guys from the hockey team, and how glad she is that her vibrator days are over, because she recently fried hers.
I usually nod when she talks to me about things like this, or laugh, pretending to be in on the joke.
I don’t make any mention of my lack of experience and experimentation in the intimacy department.
Kayden has been letting me adapt and keeping his distance. He’s joined the hockey team and spends most of his time with the jocks.
I welcome the lack of bullying and distraction, because I’ve been trying to do my best in my courses and focus on what’s important.
Still, that little voice inside my head screams ‘look at me’ every time we cross paths in the halls or share a class, begging for his attention. The car rides are insufferable.
“God, I need to start hooking up, too.”
I don’t realize I’ve said it out loud until Jordan cracks a laugh.
“You absolutely should. This is college, girlie. Don’t let the best years of your life go to waste.” We’re sitting in the cafeteria, grabbing a quick lunch before our next class.
“I mean, what have you been doing until now?”
“Umm…” How do I tell her that my dating life hasn’t been anything exciting, that in fact, I did not date throughout high school, and I barely have any experience, without sounding lame?
“You and your wand?” She raises an eyebrow.
“Y-yeah,” I whisper, hoping I sound convincing.
Jordan grabs a bite of her Caesar salad. “I’m so glad my dog days are over. I love my vibe and my hands, but I love having a man ready to pin me against a wall any time I want more.” She pauses. “Or you know…Let him go to town on me whenever I’m too tired to participate. Hand cramps no more!”
“Totally.” I take the biggest bite I can from my tuna sandwich. “Men make things so easy sometimes.”
God, I’m so pathetic. All I do is have forbidden fantasies about my stepbrother, who has no interest in me, given that I’ve already seen him driving around multiple times with girls from campus in his red Porsche.
Not that anything could happen, even if he wasn’t hooking up with others.
I’m sick. That’s what I am. There’s no doubt in my mind.
Hooking up with someone myself is the best thing I can do.
God, Jordan can probably see right through me. I bet my inexperience is obvious.
“They do. And this is college, girl. You should hurry up and snatch someone. Get yourself a fuck buddy to help you with your biology classes.”
“I am not taking any biology classes.”
“You know what I mean.” Jordan winks at me. “It never hurts.”
“I’m okay.” I shrug, then change my mind. “But if you have anyone to introduce me to, or maybe one of your fuck buddy’s friends…”
Jordan’s face lights up. “I may. But I’ll have to vet them first. Let me get back to you on that.”
“Cool.”
“I mean, I’m all up for solo fun, girlie. Don’t get me wrong. Go girl power! But what are men for if we can’t use them to fulfill our needs? And what better time than now to find out exactly what we like and how we like it before it’s too late and we find ourselves married to some loser?”
***
After a long day of studies and shit-talking with Jordan, I can’t wait to go home and relax. Maybe read one of my smutty books and fantasize about finding someone who can make me as happy as one of the men in them. Someone who isn’t complicated…or related to me in some way.
Kayden’s Porsche comes into view once I get to the parking lot next to the main building of campus.
One of the many designated lots for students’ cars.
The windows aren’t tinted, and the glass makes it obvious Kayden is inside it once I’m close enough.
Only a few steps away.
That’s when I see his face. His eyes closed, his mouth parted.
Is he sleeping?
Music’s blasting through the speakers, loud enough that I can hear it from outside. That’s a weird way to sleep. I know of people sleeping with noise, but loud rock music lulls him to sleep?
It’s only when I stop right in front of the car, about to tap on the window to wake him, that I see what’s really going on.
My mouth goes dry. My heart thunders inside my chest.
An uncomfortable tingling runs through my thighs. I freeze.
Kayden’s got his zipper down, and a brunette between his legs, bending over from the passenger seat as he presses her head down onto his crotch.