Chapter 5
Jordan
We’re here,” Josie says as she enters the front door.
“We? Who’d you pick up at the—Nora.” At the sight of her entering the living room, my system snatches the air from my lungs and slaps me in the face with it. I’m not ready. I mean, I’ve been begging to see her, but I haven’t prepared my heart for the jolt her presence always gives me.
While I search for a thread of control, my eyes take in every inch of her. Her soft white sweater, cropped at the waist of her black high-rise jeans. The light freckles on her nose and the lone mark above her top lip. Her long dark hair tied up into a ponytail, exposing the soft skin of her neck and my favorite place to kiss. She’s holding bags and something else, but I can’t focus on it because her glistening eyes have met mine and put me in a chokehold.
“How did you two—”
“It’s a long story,” Josie dismisses, but Nora pipes up to fill in the blanks.
“She tried to carry the grocery store home in a few bags, but some of them ripped. I witnessed the disaster and saved the day with my car.”
Josie grins, but it looks painful. “And she was patient enough to let me pick through a couple of yard sales on the way.”
Seeing the two of them together for the first time mesmerizes me, but my attention keeps gravitating back to Nora. She’s a beacon of light in the shadows the accident cast over my days, and I’m captivated, drawn to her like a wayward ship in the night.
“I heard voices. Everything okay?” Sergeant Montgomery asks as he exits the bathroom, whipping me out of my stupor.
“Yes. It’s—”
“Hi, there.” Josie steps around the kitchen counter and tosses me a confused glance. “I didn’t know we had a visitor. I was about to ask where Jackson disappeared to,” she says.
“Something came up at VETS,” Sergeant Montgomery answers, saving me from having to muscle up the words. “I arrived to see how Jordan was getting along before he left.”
“That’s great.”
“I should get going. Jordan, I’m glad to see you’re upright and all in one piece. You had us worried.”
I shake his hand, grateful to call him my friend and sergeant. But with Nora moving around the kitchen in my periphery, I’m not fully present in the conversation.
“Tell the guys we’ll celebrate big when I get back,” I say at last.
“What? You’re—”
“Thank you so much for stopping by…Hayes, is it?” Josie waves for Sergeant to follow her. “Let me walk you out.”
I don’t like the look on her face or the warning her eyes are giving him, but they step outside together (also odd), leaving me and Nora alone. She looks over the bags at me, then around the room. It feels less empty now that her sweet vanilla scent has filled the space.
“How have you been?” I ask for lack of anything else coming to mind. Her beauty has a way of knocking me senseless with or without brain injuries.
“Good.” She removes a can of green beans from the bag and sets it on the counter. “I’m loving my new job.”
Why is she still so far away?
“You have a new job? Where?”
“At VETS.”
“Really? That’s great. I guess I’ll be seeing you there a lot. Are you commuting? That’s a long way to—”
“I moved here.”
“Oh. When?” My dumb concussed brain isn’t putting the pieces together. I have so many questions and each one makes my head pound. When did she move, and why didn’t I know? My hospital stay lasted only a few weeks. How did she get a new job and move cities in that time frame, and why didn’t she tell me? Has this been in the works for a while? Was she planning to break it off before the accident? Is that why she’s so distant now?
“Jordan,” she says, a little too weary for my comfort, as she continues to unload the groceries. “We can talk about me anytime. Now I want to know how you’re feeling.”
“I’d feel a lot better if you were beside me instead of over there.”
After what seems like months of separation instead of mere weeks, I’m itching to touch her again. My heart rallies in anticipation as she takes a step closer. And another. She reaches the edge of the kitchen on her way to me when the slamming front door sends her back.
Josie appears and takes us in with caution before resetting her face with a wide smile. “Is that sergeant of yours always so grumpy?”
“Yes. Nothing makes him smile except a lot of booze.”
“Sounds like a real bore…except at parties.” She shrugs and joins Nora in the kitchen. “Wait until you see what we found at the yard sales. Next find will be furniture, I know it.”
Nora’s eyes drift to the only so-called furniture in the open living room and kitchen area—an air mattress in the corner where I convinced Josie to let me sleep for easy wheelchair maneuvering. I wonder what she’s thinking. She knows my family history, but my present situation might be bleaker than she’s prepared to deal with. Good thing it’s temporary.
“I have some furniture I’m not using,” Nora says, concentrating on Josie. “You’re welcome to it.”
“Thanks, but I’m sure I’ll find—”
“Don’t be silly. It’s all just sitting in storage and in great shape. I rather someone use it.”
Josie sighs. “Okay. If you’re sure.”
“I bought a new set right before my mother rid herself of all the furniture she and her soon-to-be ex-husband bought last year. But guess who gets to do all the actual ridding?” Nora points a thumb at herself and adds a sarcastic grin. “You’ll be doing me a favor.”
They share a smile, and watching my two favorite girls become friends soothes the ache in my chest.
“And you’ll be happy to hear that my mother’s last husband owned an antique dealership. The house was furnished with pieces she picked out from the store.”
“Get out!” Josie pushes on Nora’s shoulder, soliciting a laugh from them both. “Where is this storage unit? I’m dying to see what you have.”
“It’s in Northern Virginia. Just two hours from here.”
“Oh.” Josie’s shoulders slump, and I know why. It’s the burden bearing her brother’s name.
“Why don’t you go next time I have a long schedule at VETS?” I suggest. “I can eat lunch and keep myself busy there until you get back.”
“We’ll see,” Josie says, balling up the empty plastic bags and tossing them under the sink. “Thank you, Nora. It was kind of you to offer.”
“Or I can take some muscle with me and let you shop by video chat,” Nora suggests.
“Not loving the sound of that,” I chime in jokingly—sort of—but they’re lost in making plans and didn’t hear me.
“We can bring back whatever you want in a moving van or truck.”
“I do love the sound of that,” Josie says, mocking me with a wink.
“Great. I’ll let you know when I have time to run over there.”
“Hello,” I call to get their attention. “Remember me?”
Their eyes land on me in unison.
“Got anything to eat over there? I’m starving.”
◆◆◆
Nora
“Can we talk?” Jordan asks me after Josie takes our empty dinner dishes to the kitchen. “Maybe outside?”
“Sure,” I say with more enthusiasm than I feel, rising from the floor and taking hold of the wheelchair handles. Josie flashes me a half warning, half pity glance as we pass the kitchen, and I’ll take it. After our escapades today, she no longer hates me (as much), and I need her. Neither one of us wants to hurt Jordan. It’s why she sucked up her distaste and asked for my help.
While I try not to jostle him, that’s what happens when I push the chair over the floor groves of the sliding glass doors and into the courtyard. “Sorry. Guess I need to work out more.”
“You’re perfect,” he says with such conviction that the gloom I feel about the upcoming conversation twists and burns inside me. Tentacles wrap around my heart and squeeze, reminding me of why I shouldn’t be there. Why leading him on and pretending everything between us isn’t broken is cruel and so terribly wrong.
After setting the brake and closing the door behind me, I sit on the short brick wall, separating their small patio from the next, to gather myself. But flashbacks from our last conversation take over my thoughts and steal the air from my lungs—his glistening eyes when I refused his second proposal. The resolve that hardened his body, telling me he’d never ask again. The heartbreak I felt watching him walk away for the last time. Both of us will relive that pain over again when his memories return. He’ll feel deceived and manipulated—and he’ll be right.
I can’t do this. I can’t lie to him again. He needs to know what happened between us. He needs to hear the truth. But no matter how much this hurts, I can’t say any of that today. He’s unstable, and Josie would have my head if I broke our agreement without speaking to her first. I’ll talk to her to—
“I’ve missed you,” he says, stealing my hand and my focus. His eyes are soft, loving, and processing my every movement.
Straightening, I hide behind a smile. “And I’m glad you’re safe.”
“In the hospital, all I could think about was getting back to you. I think you saved me.”
He raises my hand to his lips, sending fire and ice down my back. I don’t know what to make of it. Goosebumps prickle my skin as his gaze heats my core. I’m used to seeing desire and complete surrender in his twilight blue eyes, but it’s the absolute adoration I see now that has tears burning my own.
What the hell?Not again. I’m the one who mops up everyone else’s tears and talks them through whatever issue caused the emotional breakdown. Sydney affectionately named me her therapist in college. Usually, after my clients talk it out, they realize the issue, person, or hurt wasn’t worth crying over. But Jordan has always been worth it to me. I just couldn’t give him what he wanted and deserved. The other problem, he’s never been able to see me for who I am. He doesn’t know I’m not worth the love he offers…but he will.
“How’s your mom?” he asks in that selfless way of his.
“Now that she’s signed the divorce papers, she’s hit the I-hate-men stage. It won’t last more than a week.”
“I can’t remember his name.” His brow pinches as he weeds through the lingering fog and memories. “Was it Terry? No, Todd.”
“Brent,” I correct, instantly regretting it. Since he doesn’t remember the last year, he won’t know my mother’s latest marital victim. It could raise a few flags.
“Oh. Right,” he says, but his face doesn’t match. He’s confused and questioning himself.
“I’m glad I’ll be seeing you at VETS,” I say to change the topic. “With us both in the same city again, we can spend more time together.” After the words spill out, I realize I meant them.
“Me, too. I wish I could do more than just sit here.” He winks, but I see the anguish behind it. He’s used to being active, a necessary piece of a system—part of something great—and feels empty without it.
“You’ll heal and get back on your feet before you know it.”
He nods. “Having this special time with you and Josie is the only thing making the pain, nausea, blackouts, and incessant itching all worth it.” A sideways grin lifts his cheek before he shifts into the chair.
“You’re blacking out?” I ask, the news settling like a load of bricks.
“Yeah. It’s why Josie won’t let me be alone.”
“Don’t blame her.”
“I love her and appreciate her taking care of me, but I hate not being able to do anything for myself. Do you know how weird it is to be bathed by your sister?”
Despite my growing concern over his slow recovery, I laugh. “I imagine it’s not pleasant for either of you.”
“Thankfully, it’s just a sponge bath, but I much rather you do it.”
His eyebrows wiggle, and the thought of touching his naked body does something to my insides I can’t decipher. Is it desire, dread, excitement, fear? All the above?
“We’ll see,” is all I can muster out of my muddled brain. “Is there anything else I can do to help?”
“You’re doing it now.”
His gaze locks on mine, sweet and sensual. It’s how he used to look at me before an engagement ring complicated our arrangement and sent us into another round of arguments and breakups. Before I freaked out and turned into a runaway bride without a wedding ceremony. My heart revs at the possibility of him asking that impossible question again during this charade.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, holding my clammy palm against his chest.
The pace of his sprinting heartbeat matches my own. How will I live with myself if I hurt him or cause more health issues because I can’t get a grip?
“Nothing,” I say with a conviction that even I believe. “I just haven’t adjusted to all this yet.” It’s the truth, just not the truth he understands.
“Me either, but I like to look at it as an extended leave. We get more than a weekend together—a month, possibly more—and I’m looking forward to it.”
“You’re the sweetest, you know that?”
He pauses, pinning me with an incomprehensible stare. “You’ve never told me that before.”
“What?”
Was I really that horrible to him? How could I never have told him how amazing he is? With frustration, I think back. Since we met, I refused to be seen with him in public, disregarded his feelings, and never appreciated the joy he brought into my life. I rarely, if ever, mentioned anything that involved my heart, thinking only of myself. His kind nature and tenderness were overlooked or discouraged on a regular basis.
So, yeah. I really was that horrible.
Fear and stubborn pride controlled my life, yet somehow, he loved me still. Shame shudders through my body, but it doesn’t change the past or why that stubbornness was there in the first place. I never deserved him, and he is better off finding someone who does.
“Well, I should have,” I finally say, knowing it doesn’t make up for five years of keeping those words to myself. “You are one of the sweetest, most selfless people I know, and you deserve the world. I regret never telling you that.”
“Okay.” He drops my hand like it burst into flames. “Who are you, and what did you do with my snarky girl?”
My back straightens as I take him in. His playfulness is back, and I’m grateful. “I can bring her back if you prefer.”
“No, not yet. I’m liking this new softie side, too.”
“Don’t get used to her. She only comes out of hiding in dire situations.”
“I didn’t know my situation was that grim.”
“It’s pretty bleak, but I have faith that you can turn it around.”
“Wow. Softness and faith in me. I should have gotten injured long before now.”
I pop a hand on his good leg. “Shut your mouth, or Josie will come out here and do it for you.”
“Right. I don’t—” The base of his hand flies up to his temple, and with a grimace, he rubs hard.
“Jordan, what is it?”
His body twitches, then convulses as if in answer. I shoot to my feet, my mind reeling with a thousand competing thoughts. Instinct kicks in, and I check my watch: 4:16 p.m. I try to keep him from slipping out of the chair but can’t do it alone. I call out for Josie. When she arrives, she’s in a state of panic and fear, but we work together to get him back in place.
“What’s happening?” she asks, fear shredding her voice.
“It’s a seizure.”
“Is that normal?”
“I think it can happen after a brain injury. I’ve got him now. Call his doctor.”
She rushes back inside to grab her phone. By the time she’s connected to the on-call doctor at the hospital, Jordan’s trembling body calms. Gently, I turn his head to the left and run my hand over his hair.
“You’re okay,” I whisper. “Relax. We’ve got you.”
Josie lets out a long exhale and steps inside to talk privately with the doctor.
He lets out a moan before his eyes flutter open. Staying connected to him, I adjust my position so he can see me. “Hi, there. Everything’s okay. Josie’s here too, but she’s talking to your doctor. Don’t worry. You’re going to be fine.”
A tear escapes his eye, shattering any chance of me getting out of this arrangement unscathed. At a loss for words, I kiss his forehead, then his cheek, before pressing my lips softly to his. He’s too weak to react, and with his eyes glassy and distant, I’m not sure if he comprehends my words or presence. Then, he reaches for me, and I take his hand, holding it to my chest.
“You’re doing great, sweetheart.”