Chapter 42
Chapter
Forty-Two
Natalie: I got your present. I can’t even begin to thank you.
Hunter: It’s just a car, no big deal. Cooper and Evan dropped it off for me.
Natalie: I promise I’ll be really careful.
Hunter: I’m not worried about it. Is Jace okay?
Natalie: You heard all that, huh? Yeah, he’s okay. Kids are pretty forgiving.
Hunter: I’m sorry about it.
Natalie: It’s not your fault. Things will be fine!
Things are not fine as I type that, but it’s not exactly a lie. The future could be great. This, too, shall pass, as my mom would say.
I balance my laptop on my knees in my bed as Jace sleeps next to me. I should study for finals, but I’m scouring the internet for deals on holiday party outfits to post for my followers.
I haven’t been able to devote much—okay, any—time to my blog lately, and I miss it. Much like I miss my boyfriend. God, I’d like to do more than kiss him on the cheek in a waiting room. I’d like to—
A knock on my door interrupts my impending fantasy, and I whisper for them to come in.
Sarah does, eyeing Jace, who doesn’t move. “Can we talk?”
Her voice is low, and she jerks her head towards the living room. With an internal sigh, I stash my computer—so much for an update—and follow her down the hallway. She settles on one end of the couch, and I take the other, and she stares at me, waiting.
Oh. She’s expecting me to apologize. Again.
I get it. I felt terrible when I saw Jace’s tear-streaked face. He threw his arms around me when I got home and cried again, telling me how upset he was when I didn’t show up at school. I apologized profusely to Sarah as she flew out the door, back to work. And if I earned Jace’s forgiveness by finding a carton of his favorite ice cream in the freezer… well, things are back on track between us.
Obviously, Sarah isn’t there yet. After forgetting her son, I’m going to have to grovel.
But something niggles at the back of my mind. I looked on the family calendar—no note about me picking him up. Just the scrawled writing stating my plans with Hunter. I checked my texts from her—nothing about it there, either. No Post-it in my planner or reminder in my phone. So while it’s fully possible that she asked me and I forgot, it’s also unlike me to not write it down somewhere.
Probably just goes to show how swamped I am with everything.
“Um.” I clear my throat. “I can’t apologize enough for what happened. I let you and Jace down. You should never have been in that position. Will you forgive me?”
Her expression softens. “Of course. It was excruciating—getting called at work and feeling torn between all my responsibilities.”
I could write a book about that. I run my fingertips over the worn sofa cushion, staying silent.
“It’s all so hard right now.” Her voice takes on a note of desperation and tears shine in her brown eyes. “I have dreams, you know?”
I nod. Jace is a wonderful surprise, and he lights me up inside. He’s the best. But there’s no doubt he threw a wrench in Sarah’s life plan. She adapted quickly and didn’t wallow in self-pity, but I think she’s felt off-track ever since he was born.
Her expression changes, morphing into excitement. She bounces on the couch. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I can’t wait any longer, this dead-end job is killing me. I’ve enrolled in culinary classes for the second semester.”
With a wide smile, she grabs my hands, and I blink.
But… how? When are the classes? Will she go during the day and keep working second shift? When will she see Jace?
“Are you sure it’s the right time?” I don’t want to rain on her parade, but this is a terrible idea.
“No time like the present, right? I’ve already put down the deposit.” That hits like a kick to my stomach. She keeps talking, though. “It felt great to do something for myself. And I’m really hoping I can count on you to help with Jace.”
I nod, stunned and not sure what I’m agreeing to.
“Oh, Nattie, that’s great.” She pulls me in for a hug. “That’s so great. Thanks so much.”
Still grinning, she hops off the sofa. “I should go to bed, get some sleep. You should, too.”
“Yeah.” I yawn, then point at the book bag I left by the front door. “I’ll probably study first, though. Finals are soon.”
“Finals!” She hops on her toes. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m even excited about finals.”
Wait until you’re trying to find time to study for them, I think, but don’t say.
For months, she’s mentally checked out, so it’s good to see her passionate about something. I give her another hug as she heads to bed, and I shoulder my backpack.
But instead of settling back down on the couch and opening it, I press my fingertips against the windowpane of our front door. The glass is cold beneath my palm. My heart clenches at the sight of Hunter’s car in the driveway, shiny and new. I can’t believe he’s letting me borrow it. I shake my head in wonder. What did I do to deserve him?
Christmas lights twinkle red and green across the street and reflect in the Beemer’s silver surface. How many days until Christmas? I do the math in my head. Seventeen? It doesn’t feel right, although the calendar doesn’t lie.
Will we ignore Christmas like we did Thanksgiving? Skip right over it like it’s just another day? For Jace’s sake, I hope not. He deserves a happy Christmas memory. No matter what, I will get him presents and stuff his stocking. We might not get the tree decorated, but I won’t let him down.
And I’ll find something for Hunter, too. Not like he needs anything—oh god, what will I get for a boyfriend with unlimited disposable income? Regardless of that challenge, I won’t let him feel neglected again, not like I did today.
I want to run to him, to throw myself into his arms and tell him everything. How unfair it feels that Sarah is doing this now. I want it for her, but is this the best time? Could she have used her tuition to help around the house and given Mom a break?
And what about me? I try to silence the selfish voice inside, but it refuses. When is it my turn?
I swallow. I guess it’s been my turn these past three and half years. One more semester and then…
I picture myself in a tiny studio apartment. My own kitchen, bathroom, and bed. Shabby, but mine. Hunter could come over whenever he’s around and…
I take a deep breath. My plan is to live at home after graduation. I can save money and contribute more that way. But that fantasy is seductive, pulling me in.
I wish I could call him or stop by. But it’s after eleven. I let him down today—in return, he offered me his car. Talk about undeserving. He keeps showing up for me in big and small ways, more even than my mom or sister. I can’t ask more of him.