Chapter 16
TYLER
HE’S IN.
There hadn’t been a single second of quiet since the first of the Muskies players showed up at Jamie’s house for the team holiday party.
Booming laughs, shouts, shrieks, and laughter of children filled every corner of Jamie’s home, and Tyler understood, then, why a man like Jamie lived in such a large place.
Jamie had introduced Tyler to his teammates, their partners, and kids, only removing his big hand from Tyler’s back to give everyone a hug. Tyler had been surprised to learn a few members of the Muskies staff were queer, and had loved seeing how openly they were welcomed into the fold.
A lean, dark-haired man wearing a vibrant green Grinch sweater rushed at Jamie, wrapping his arms around Jamie’s body in a bear hug. “We missed you, big guy,” he said, voice muffled against the front of Jamie’s sweater.
“Get off,” Jamie groaned, but Tyler saw that he couldn’t hold back a smile. “Oi!” Jamie called out toward the living room full of people. “Someone come get Matty!”
“He is not my problem!” Elias Svensson, a Swedish defenseman, held up his hands where he sat on the couch. “I am too old for rookies.”
“Shut it, Svenny,” Carter called out from across the room, grinning to reveal his missing front tooth. He had a hint of a Boston accent. “You don’t get to claim you’re old until you start doing yoga at the hotel with the vets.”
Bailey Cox, one of the other young players, scowled from where he was sitting with his girlfriend, Juliet. “Hey! It isn’t just for the old guys, Carts. I’ve been going and I swear it’s helping my stamina.”
That got a loud chorus of laughs and crude jokes from the young guys, followed immediately by the quiet reminder that there were actual kids in the room from the older guys on the team.
Tyler had given up trying to keep track of the rest of the players’ names, but thankfully Jamie had been whispering reminders in his ear throughout the afternoon.
The main topic of the party was the upcoming Winter Classic, a highly-publicized game played outdoors in a football stadium or ballpark. This year, the Muskies were hosting, and a rink was already being built at Camp Randall Stadium, where the University of Wisconsin’s football team played.
Jamie had mentioned the game briefly before, but Tyler hadn’t realized what a big deal it was.
Apparently, the league hosted only one per year, and spent months promoting and advertising the event.
It was scheduled for the day after New Years, and there would be a flurry of media events around the game that the players were expected to attend.
Listening as the players ribbed their captain about the silliness of his injury–shouting at him to “watch the hand, Sully,” whenever he picked up a plate or got someone a drink–made Tyler smile.
It was obvious his teammates missed him and loved him. Tyler understood what Jamie’s commitment was to the team, why they came first: Jamie had been chosen to lead them. They looked to him for guidance, and in turn, he took care of them.
They were ready for Jamie to be back.
When it was time to eat, the parents with young kids went through the buffet line first. The spread was classic holiday fare–a turkey, a spiral ham, a few different types of stuffing, more casseroles than Tyler had ever seen in his life, and enough desserts to fill Jamie’s entire kitchen island.
Another defenseman, John Moore, had a newborn baby strapped to his chest in a soft wrap like the one Tyler used to use with Rowan. Tyler watched as players came by, whispering encouragement to John as he stood at the edge of the room and swayed the baby to sleep.
Tyler hadn’t been sure how Rowan was going to do with such a large group of people.
At first, he’d clung to Tyler’s hand, staying close amid the chaos.
But soon enough, Henri and Jack had arrived, and Rowan had been coaxed into playing with them.
Tyler made sure never to go too far away, but he relaxed, realizing he wasn’t worried about his son.
He trusted that Rowan was safe around these people.
“Tyler!” Layla walked up to Tyler and gave him a hug. “It’s so good to see you.”
“Hi.” Tyler felt a little lightheaded, a giddy kind of joy that sent him reeling. “Great to see you, too.”
“Come sit with me.” She grabbed him by the hand, pulling him over to an empty pair of stools by the kitchen bar. They still had a clear view of the kids, who were building something elaborate with colorful magnet tiles.
Once they were sitting, Layla’s expression turned conspiratorial.
She wore her hair up in a bun, and a red and white knit sweater hung off of one of her shoulders.
“So. You and Sully.” She held up her hand, her expression apologetic.
“Sorry, you don’t have to tell me anything.
I’m just excited. He’s always been so closed off about dating, especially during the season. ”
Tyler pressed his lips together, considering what he wanted to share. What they had was new, wasn’t it? Was there a reason to keep it a secret?
More importantly, would Jamie mind him talking about their relationship?
But then he remembered how Jamie had introduced him to his teammates, how he hadn’t hesitated when he’d said: This is Tyler, my boyfriend, and his son, Rowan.
He also remembered the picture Jamie had put up of the two of them on his social media, with Tyler in his lap, kissing his nose. The caption below, which had said: “Life, lately”, followed by a black heart emoji.
“We’re going to try,” Tyler said, unable to keep himself from smiling.
Layla let out a loud whoop, raising her hands above her head. When half the people in the room turned to look at them, she waved them off with a loud, “None of your business!” She turned back toward Tyler with a smile. “How did it happen?”
“Well, we sort of kept running into each other, and he kept showing up and doing thoughtful things. Once we started saying what we wanted out loud, it didn’t take us too long to realize we might be a good fit.
” He ducked his head. “Or, it didn’t take Jamie long.
It took me a while. I just…” Tyler sighed, looking at Layla and hoping she’d understand.
“I didn’t think I had time for someone else. ”
“I get it. When there’s a kid in your life, it’s easy to put your needs on the back-burner.
Their needs are immediate, while we can survive for a while without much more than an occasional meal and a few hours of sleep.
But eventually, everyone needs somebody.
Maybe not romantically, maybe not even physically, but it’s okay to need people. ”
Tyler nodded. “I get that. Doesn’t mean I like it, but I get it.”
They both laughed, and Tyler realized Layla really did get it. It was such a relief to not have to explain himself, to not have to try to put into words what it was like to feel torn in two, suspended between what you want and what is best for your kid.
“For what it’s worth,” Layla said, “Sully loves kids. He’s always been like an uncle to ours.
That man has so much love bottled up inside of him.
He can be tightly wound, but I think he’s just been waiting for the right person to stick with him.
And when they do, I think he’s going to love the hell out of them. ”
Tyler smiled fondly, trying to quiet the little kernel of fear in his chest. It was too easy to allow himself to imagine that he could be the one to stick with Jamie, the one who wouldn’t leave. The one who understood how much of his heart belonged to hockey, and who could accept what remained.
“I hope we’re enough for him.” The admission slipped out.
Layla shook her head. “None of that shit,” she said, looking Tyler in the eye. “Anyone would be lucky to have you and Rowan in their life. Sully wouldn’t be dating you if he wasn’t invested. That man doesn’t do spontaneous things. So, if Sully says he’s in, he’s in.”
Tyler felt himself relax. “Thanks,” he said, and then turned in his seat to check on the kids. “Shit. Rowan’s gotta pee.”
Layla followed his gaze and burst into laughter. “Oh, yep. That’s a pee dance if I’ve ever seen one.”
As the afternoon faded into evening, Tyler felt himself getting more and more tired.
Jamie found him sitting on the floor with Rowan curled up on his lap, listening to Arturi Alexeyev, one of the Russian players, telling a group of kids the story of Ded Moroz, a character from Russian folklore.
Tyler had completely lost the plot of the story, but Rowan and the rest of the kids were totally captivated.
Jamie’s arms wrapped around him, and Tyler felt the tickle of his mustache against his cheek as Jamie kissed him. “Wanted to let you know it’s almost seven,” Jamie whispered. “I would love to have you guys for a sleepover, but this crew will be here for a while.”
Tyler looked up at him. Jamie’s cheeks were flushed, and his hair had escaped the swept-back style he’d tamed it into after their earlier shower.
“Thank you,” Tyler whispered back.
It was a “thank you” for checking the time, for always thinking of Rowan. It was a “thank you” for how patient he had been while Tyler worked up the courage to say yes to Jamie. It was a “thank you” for everything.
Jamie hummed, and pressed a chaste kiss to Tyler’s lips. He settled in beside them as Arturi finished the story, and then helped Tyler gather up their things. Tyler tugged on his boots and coat before kneeling down and helping a sleepy, yawning Rowan into his jacket.
“Thanks for coming to my house, buddy,” Jamie said to Rowan. “You’re welcome to come over any time, got it?”
Rowan nodded. “You’re my most favorite best friend.”
Jamie’s eyes went soft. Tyler’s heart flopped in his chest.
Jamie looked down at Tyler, and there was so much there in his eyes, like he knew what it meant when a kid chose you. When you were granted an important place in their world.
When a kid decided you were theirs.
“Thanks, Rowan,” Jamie said, opening his arms. “Hug?”
Rowan rushed into his embrace, and Tyler put a hand over his mouth. His eyes burned, but he blinked before any tears could escape.
Jamie walked them to their car, Rowan in his arms. Tyler started the engine while Jamie put Rowan in his carseat, and then stepped aside so Tyler could buckle him in.
They moved together like they’d done this before. Like loading the car was a routine part of their life. Closing the car door, Tyler turned to Jamie.
“Thank you,” Tyler said, his voice breaking.
“Hey,” Jamie said, moving toward him, and then Tyler was surrounded by a puffy coat and warmth and the unassuming smell of Jamie as he pressed gentle kisses to Tyler’s forehead. “What’s going on?”
“I’m just so happy, Jamie. Do you know how scary that is?”
He felt Jamie nod against the top of his head. “Yeah. I know.”
“Rowan loves you,” Tyler went on. “My kid, he…He loves you. I never thought I’d have someone, and never imagined there could be someone who wanted both of us.”
“You’re a package deal,” Jamie said, softly.
“We are.”
Jamie leaned in and kissed Tyler’s nose, then his cheek, then his chin. There was a quiet, fond smile on his face. “You need to get Rowan home, and I need to make sure the rookies haven’t set my house on fire.”
Tyler laughed quietly, wiping his eyes. “Good luck with them.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Text me?”
“Of course.” After one more kiss, Tyler climbed into the car. He watched Jamie walk back to the brightly lit house, his body a looming shadow in the night.
“Papa!”
Tyler looked at Rowan in the rearview mirror as he put the car in gear. “What’s up, kiddo?”
His hands clapped together, his face split open in a grin. “You gave Jamie a mouth kiss!”
Tyler smiled. “Yeah, I did.”