Chapter 9 #3
I made myself look at him—really look, taking in all the pieces.
The killer who'd broken two men on a street in the Lower East Side less than twenty-four hours ago.
The caretaker who'd run my bath and tested the temperature three times and braided my hair without pulling.
The man who'd been patient with me for five months, who'd learned my patterns and my triggers and my particular brand of broken, who'd met every confession with acceptance instead of judgment.
All of him. Every contradictory, impossible part.
"I don't want this to be temporary."
My voice came out small, but steady. Steadier than I'd expected.
"I don't want you to just be Lis on a screen, or Maks who's protecting me until Anton's gone." The words were spilling out now, faster than I could filter them. "I don't want to be your asset or your project or your responsibility. I want—"
I had to stop. Breathe. Find the courage that had been building since the moment he'd let go of my face last night.
"I want you to be my Daddy."
The word hung in the air between us.
I'd never said it out loud. Had never let the sound of it exist in the physical world, where it could be heard and judged and rejected.
"For real," I continued. My hands were shaking harder now, but I couldn't stop. Couldn't take it back. "Not just online. Not just for now. I want—"
I met his eyes. Let him see everything—the fear, the wanting, the desperate hope I'd been carrying for five months without letting myself name it.
"I want to be yours."
The silence stretched.
His eyes had gone dark. Intense. Burning with something that looked like hope and hunger and heartbreak all at once, everything he'd been holding back suddenly visible in the shift of his expression.
"Auralia."
His voice was rough. Low. Powerful.
"Do you understand what you're asking for?"
"Yes."
No hesitation. No second-guessing.
"I'm asking for you. All of you. The parts that scare me and the parts that make me feel safe.
" I lifted my chin, held his gaze even though every instinct I had was screaming at me to look away.
"I know what you are. I saw what you did last night.
I know the violence is part of you, and I know it's not going away, and I'm choosing you anyway. "
Something cracked in his expression.
"I've spent my whole life being left by people who said they could handle me," I said.
"Being too much, too intense, too broken, too weird.
And maybe I'm all of those things. Maybe I'm the most difficult person you'll ever meet.
But I'm choosing to believe that you meant what you said. That you want all of me."
"I do." The words came out hoarse. Wrecked. "God, Auralia, I want—"
"Then take me. Be my Daddy. For real."
His hands cupped my face—those hands, those capable terrible gentle hands—and for one suspended moment we were frozen there, his eyes searching mine for any trace of doubt, any hint of hesitation.
He didn't find any.
When he finally kissed me, it felt like coming home.
His lips were warm. Soft. The kiss started gentle—almost tentative, like he was giving me one last chance to change my mind. I answered by pressing closer, by opening my mouth against his, by making a sound that came from somewhere deep in my chest.
He groaned.
The gentleness shattered.
His hands slid from my face to the back of my head, fingers tangling in the braid he'd made hours ago. His mouth opened against mine, tongue sliding between my lips, and the taste of him—coffee and something sweet, something that was just him—flooded my senses.
I grabbed his shirt. Pulled him closer. Tried to climb inside his skin.
He let me.
The kiss went on and on, deepening and shifting, our bodies finding each other in the space between breaths. His hand pressed against my lower back, drawing me closer. My fingers fisted in the soft fabric of his t-shirt, pulling, demanding, wanting more.
This was what I'd been missing. This was what I'd been craving for five months of careful distance and typed confessions and the loneliness of wanting someone you couldn't touch.
His mouth. His hands. The solid warmth of his body against mine.
Him. Just him.
When we finally broke apart, we were both breathing hard.
His forehead rested against mine. His eyes were closed. His hands still cradled my face, thumbs tracing slow circles against my cheekbones.
"Say it," I whispered. "Please. I need to hear it."
He opened his eyes. Dark brown, warm, burning with something that looked like devotion.
"You're mine," he said. "My little bird. My Ptichka. Mine to care for, mine to protect, mine to love."
The words hit me somewhere vital.
"And I'm yours," he continued. "Every part of me. The parts that scare you and the parts that make you feel safe. All of it. For as long as you want me."
I kissed him again. Softer this time. A seal on the promise we'd just made.
When we pulled apart, I was smiling. Actually smiling—the kind of smile that came from somewhere deeper than my face, that reached all the way down into the broken parts of me and filled them with light.
"Daddy," I said quietly. Testing the word in my mouth, in the physical world, in the space between us.
His eyes went dark. His hands tightened on my face.
"Again."
"Daddy."
He kissed me until I couldn't remember any other words.
And somewhere in the middle of all of it—the kissing and the holding and the particular joy of finally belonging to someone who saw all of me and chose to stay—I realized that the fear was gone.
Not the violence. Not the danger. Not the war that was still coming, the threats that still existed, the complicated mess of a life I was walking into.
But the fear of being left.
The fear of being too much.
The fear of wanting something and having it taken away.
All of that had dissolved in the warmth of his hands, in the promise of his words, in the kiss that had felt like coming home.
I was his little bird.