Chapter Ten
TEN
‘What are you doing out here?’
My chest feels like it’s about to cave in at the sound of his voice. It’s gruff and sharp, like the edge of a blade. I rise on shaky legs, my hand snapping out for the tree, using it to steady myself as my left foot gets tangled on a thick winding root.
Sebastian is wearing the standard Malachite uniform: a dark green long -sleeve top, black training trousers and lace-up combat boots. This is the first time we’ve been alone since I arrived. A torrent of emotions builds beneath my skin as I step away from the tree to face him.
‘It’s none of your business,’ I say defensively, wondering how he found me out here. Did he follow me?
‘Considering I’m your unit leader, I’d say it is my business to know why one of my acolytes is out here by herself.’
I laugh. Actually laugh. It’s loud and harsh against the quiet among the trees and crisp gusts of wind. ‘I thought you said I wasn’t a Malachite. “She’s not one of us.”’ I say in a mocking tone. ‘Which is it, Sebastian? Am I part of your unit or not?’
‘If it were my choice, you wouldn’t be,’ he growls, stepping forward with those long, thick legs of his. He doesn’t stop until he’s right in my face, scowling down at me. ‘You’d have been sent home the second you stepped foot on ValAc’s soil if it were up to me.’
My hands shove at his hard chest as he invades my space. But he doesn’t budge, and suddenly I’m taken back to when Harley had his hands on me, and I couldn’t fight him off.
‘If it were up to me,’ I snap, ‘my brother would have been sent home the second he died on ValAc’s soil. But we don’t always get what we want, do we?’
Sebastian rears back as if I’ve slapped him. His green eyes flare wide. Finally. I want to pat myself on the damn back. It turns out he does still have emotions.
‘What’s wrong?’ I taunt with a small tilt to my head. ‘Don’t tell me you forgot about him? Forgot how he died and how his body was burn t by your headmas—’
Sebastian rushes at me so fast I barely have time to blink before his body crashes roughly against mine. My yelp is smothered when his hand clamps over my mouth; it’s so large it covers the entire lower half of my face. My back hits the tree, hard. I growl against his palm in pain.
‘Shut your starsdamn mouth,’ he hisses down at me then cranes his neck to look around. I glare up at him. Rough bark digs into my back through my jacket. I try to shift my weight, but it’s no use, he only pushes me further back into the tree, using the sheer size of his body against mine.
Stars, he’s just so … big. Everywhere. From his shoulders to his arms, even his chest is sculpted and firm as I practically nose breathe into it.
Which, unfortunately, affords me the ability to inhale the rich, smoky scent emanating off his skin and clothes.
It’s achingly familiar, and I hate it. It would be easier if he smelled different, looked different – felt different.
But he doesn’t. The body that’s pressed to mine feels the same, and for a long-winded moment, my own body starts to react as if it remembers him.
We’re so close, close enough I can see the muscle flickering in his clenched jaw.
The foliage above our heads casts shadows across his face, making his cheekbones appear sharply defined, more so than usual.
A moment later his head slowly turns my way as he finishes scanning the area. Our eyes lock. My heart thumps within my chest at a galloping speed as I feel his hot breath tickle my nose and cheeks, warming the exposed skin.
Resentment, disappointment, betrayal, sadness. A myriad of emotions wash over me like a tidal wave as I gaze up into his swirling green eyes that, behind his mask of indifference, hold something else beneath them. Something I finally recognise.
No.
I breathe heavily against his palm.
No! What the fuck am I doing?
I can’t do this. It isn’t fair to be pressed so close to him after all this time, when he’s not who I remember. Not who I thought I’d find within this academy. The urge to run itches against my skin, irritating me to no end. I let instinct take over and I bite into the fleshy part of his palm.
‘Ah, fuck!’ Sebastian yanks his hand back, leaping away from me to shake it out. When he looks back to glare in my direction, there’s a dangerous glint in his eyes.
‘Do that to me again,’ I threaten, ‘and I swear next time I’ll make it bleed.’
‘Is that supposed to be a threat? Or a promise?’
‘Stars! He’d be ashamed of you if he could see you right now,’ I snap. Lukas would lose his shit if he knew the way Sebastian has treated me.
I look for a flicker of emotion, but he offers nothing. In fact, my words only seem to darken his glare – not hurt him like I wanted, but encourage him.
‘Is that so?’ He huffs a short laugh that makes my blood run cold.
‘What about you, Little Traitor?’ His eyes narrow and, paired with the slight tilt of his head, he looks every bit the predator that I’m sure he’s used to being in a room.
His gaze is penetrating as he takes calculated steps toward me.
Fallen twigs snap beneath his boots until we’re toe to toe once again.
I swallow.
‘You’re rather quick to condemn me in his eyes, but what do you think he’d say if he discovered his darling sister was rejected by his own unit. Or worse, all of the units.’
‘He wouldn’t care,’ I protest with a shake of my head.
‘You sure about that? Just think about it,’ he continues.
I don’t want to.
‘Your brother excelled at everything, but you know that. Right? I mean your parents sure knew it; they were so proud of him.’
There’s no point trying to hide the way his words hit home; I couldn’t if I tried.
It’s a soft spot and he knows it, which is just plain cruel.
He’s witnessed the favouritism that often happened when Lukas and I were put in a room together – it’s no secret that my parents had a preferred child.
Even now they’d probably prefer him over me.
My fists clench at my sides. My breathing turns heavy.
‘I wonder what they would think, too,’ he taunts and starts to walk around me like I’m his prey and he’s stalking me, ‘if they found out you’re not only magicless, but also unitless.’ He tsks. ‘What a shame.’
My body is vibrating with anger.
I gasp as he stops pacing and snatches out to pinch my chin between his thumb and index finger. He tilts my head back, our faces mere inches apart.
Every drop of blood in my body hums as he lowers his face to my ear and whispers. ‘I think that you are the one he’d be ashamed of, and that he’d tell you to leave and never come back.’
Leave.
Never come back.
Magicless.
Fucking magicless.
My eyes squeeze tight as I try to block Sebastian out.
‘Look at me!’ he demands, tugging on my chin.
‘Stop it,’ I breathe, trying to sort through the assault of thoughts in my head.
Lukas would never say that to me. He was the type of brother to stay up late and talk to me when I was struggling.
He would walk me through trying to find my magic inside of me, even if it took all night and was fruitless.
He’d never tell me to leave.
Never.
He wouldn’t abandon me, and I won’t abandon him.
It’s Sebastian who doesn’t want me here.
It’s him who wants me to leave. Him who wouldn’t let me train.
It was Sebastian who stood in the middle of a ceremony and questioned my right to be here.
I see his plan for what it is, a mindfuck.
One where he thinks he can convince me to walk out of here, using my brother against me.
I feel something inside of me break, like a glass bottle being thrown against a wall and shattering into a million shards. My eyes snap open and my gaze collides with his.
‘Can you even say his name or are you too ashamed of yourself?’
‘What?’ He releases my chin.
‘His name, Sebastian. Why won’t you say it?’
A cold expression settles over his eyes. ‘What does it matter if I speak his name? He’s dead.’
My resolve breaks.
I lunge at him with nails, fists and knees. I kick and scratch. I punch and throw myself at him, shoving him backward with all my might but he deflects, dodges and bats my hands away as if they’re pesky bugs in the air. Not once fighting back, as if I’m not worthy of the effort.
‘How could you?’ I scream in frustration. My hands shove at his chest. ‘He was your friend!’
You were my friend.
I’m no match for him. He’s faster and well trained. But I don’t let up. He might have circled me like prey, but if he thinks I’m the type to just roll over and show him my soft underbelly, he’s dead wrong.
‘You’re pathetic,’ I growl.
‘The only pathetic thing here is you attempting to hit me. It’s like watching a toddler. I almost feel bad for you.’ The humour lacing his tone only infuriates me more.
‘Shut up!’ I shout and my fist goes flying.
Thwack.
Sebastian’s head snaps to the side. It’s enough of a shock to him that he pauses momentarily, as if he’s surprised that I landed a hit. One of his hands rises to touch the high point of his cheekbone.
I’ve never struck anyone before, except for my brother when training in the backyard. I freeze as clarity settles over me and my own shock sinks in.
‘Well, that was highly entertaining,’ an unfamiliar voice echoes over the wind. It startles the both of us.
Our bodies spring away from each other as if we’ve been caught doing something we shouldn’t. The open space between us reveals a tall blond man with a light dusting of stubble along his jawline. His downturned brown eyes dart between Sebastian and myself, curiosity dancing in them.
I frown. He looks too old to be a student, at least in his mid-thirties. When he stops between us and I get a closer look at him, I’m positive he’s too old to attend the academy.
‘Professor Nicks.’ Sebastian nods in greeting.
Professor? I try to recall if I read a Professor Nicks anywhere on my class schedule, but I can’t remember a single thing right now. My body is too busy shaking with adrenaline from striking Sebastian and trying to assess what level of danger I’m in.
A professor just saw me hit someone. A unit leader, no less. My mouth goes dry.
‘What’s going on here, Zain?’ Nicks asks Sebastian.
‘I was just giving Acolyte Nocthare an extra lesson in combat. She was too scared to join in this morning.’
I fight the urge to roll my eyes.
‘Nocthare?’ Nicks’s brows rise in surprise. His head turns my way again, affording me the chance to make out the finer details of his face. Like the thin white scars peppered over his cheeks and jaw and the slight curve of his nose, which suggests a break or two over the years.
‘Hmm.’ He lets out a small, indifferent grunt. ‘Interesting.’ He turns back to Sebastian. ‘Well, whatever you were doing out here, it’s over. Let’s go, I need your help in my office.’
‘Now?’ Sebastian questions.
‘Yes. Now!’
There’s no room for argument in Nicks’s tone and, unlike the way Sebastian seemed to grind his jaw when Headmaster Zain gave him an order, he nods to the professor.
‘Get back to your room, Miss Nocthare. It’s getting dark,’ Nicks instructs me, a puzzling warning lacing his voice.
I fight back a shiver and watch as the two of them turn and walk away. It doesn’t take long to decide that I’ll be following them instead of returning to my room. I wait until they’re small figures in the distance before I head their way.