CHAPTER SIXTEEN
THE CONVERSATION WITH KILLIAN AFTER the battle today plays on repeat in my mind well into the night.
I tried to show him using my Szellemi magick what I learn, but I’m not sure he fully believes me—that in his state of panic, he couldn’t hurt me.
I could see his muscles bunching like they wanted to strike out, to pulverize me into the ground, but he couldn’t.
His fear is understandable. I just wish I could help more.
“Maybe you should have one of us try to hit you,” Jesper mutters half asleep. “Show him your theory.”
“Is it even right, though, when I’ve trained with you all and you’ve managed to land hits on me? What about when Talyn would take his frustration out on me at Phixmery?”
Jesper sighs, sitting up in his cot. “But we weren’t trying to kill you or cause serious harm. We never would. It’s just training.”
I tilt my head in consideration. “You really think the bond can tell our intent? I mean… I threw a knife at Aemon and it left its mark.”
He moves onto my cot. “But were you trying to kill him?” His arms wrap around me and he cuddles his head into my hip and mumbles something that sounds like “Mmm delicious thighs, perfect pillows.”
Was I trying to kill him? I think back to that day in the field. I was scared of what was happening. My secret was out but he felt familiar, even if my mind was warped from the Soul Stone necklace. No, I don’t think I wanted to kill him.
I don’t want to kill any of them, so how would I even go about testing this?
Nero’s feathers rustle from atop his perch. “You could always try to stab Jesper. He would probably enjoy it.”
“My mates do enjoy it when I try to maim them,” Vasari adds.
“Nothing like a little bloodshed to get the heart pumping. That battle did wonders for us today.” Her love and adoration for her males overwhelm the bond and I have to shut her out.
I love her, but I don’t need to know when all our dragons are getting their freak on.
“See, even the giant flying lizard agrees,” he chips.
Is that something I could even do? Just pretend to want to stab him?
Just to prove a theory? No, I should wait for him to wake up and talk about it first. The last thing I want him to see is him waking up and I have a knife poised at his throat.
Yeah, who am I kidding, he would definitely enjoy that.
“Your mental thoughts are really loud tonight,” Jesper mumbles.
My body seizes up and I peer down to see his green eyes staring back and a sleepy smirk on his face.
“If it helps you sleep sooner, please try to stab me. I know your brain won’t stop thinking about the what-ifs.
” He lets go of me and rolls onto his back.
His bare, deeply tanned chest has my mouth watering: chiseled muscle, dips and grooves and a hardness that has me wanting to throw this theory away…
at least for a few hours. It’s been too long since I’ve had any of my mates.
“Ravina, as much as I love when you get those glazed-over eyes looking at me... I think you wanted to stab me.” He places his hands behind his head, smirking.
“Right, stab.” I take a breath and cautiously grab the dagger from the floor and unsheath it. “I just have to want to kill you, right? Ugh, I really don’t like this.”
“It’s for Killian, remember. So that big oaf can finally conquer his fears and then conquer you.” He winks.
“Ha, ha. Very funny. Okay.” I want to kill Jesper. I want to kill Jesper.
“Why do we want to kill Jesper?” Aemon asks. “Do I need to come back from patrol and supervise? Or does he actually deserve said killing?”
I drop the knife between us and start giggling. The absurdity of this whole situation and the exhaustion of the night is finally getting to me. “Just a theory to help Kill.” I give him a quick rundown of my thoughts and what I was just attempting to do, with Jesper chiming in once or twice.
“I think it has merit to test out, but maybe we should wait until tomorrow when we are not half asleep with delusions. Get some rest, Little Dream.”
“Fine, I’ll try to kill Jesper tomorrow. Goodnight.”
“Damn, I was really hoping for some bloodshed,” Nero sighs.
“TRY IT AGAIN,” Killian says with hope lining his gaze.
I sigh. “I’ve done it ten times already. I can’t hurt you. Maybe you should try instead, that way you can see for yourself.”
His blood-red eyes narrow. “No. I’m not chancing it until we are sure. And even then, it’s not worth the risk.”
Jesper’s impatient groan reaches me from across the small training area we carved out just outside the base near the boundary wall of Maleen. “Oh for Fate’s sake,” he mutters. “Seems like I need to do everything myself. Nero, don’t look at me like that, you know it’s not going to work.”
Nero’s plumage is puffed up as he slowly stalks towards him.
Jesper smirks and sprints across to us, simultaneously pulling out duel daggers. My eyes widen as I realize what he’s about to do, yet I don’t move. I face him head on with my arms at my side when suddenly he stops, his brows furled as the dagger halts inches from my neck.
He peers at Killian over my shoulder. “See, I can’t kill her.
Now…” The blade presses playfully against my collar bone while his tongue darts out, licking the edge of my ear.
“The bond does really seem to know when we don’t mean harm.
I bet it would let me cut you, if you’d be into that,” he mutters thoughtfully.
A nervous laugh escapes me. “Sorry Jesp, I think that’s a ‘you’ thing.”
He darts in for a quick kiss. “Maybe I’ll let you carve your name into me then. What do you think, Little Beastie?”
“I think not!” Killian growls. “This doesn’t prove anything.”
Jesper spins the dagger in his hand before offering him the hilt.
“Well then, why don’t you see for yourself.
” He hesitates but Jesper continues. “You trust me, right brother? Have I ever led you astray?” His gaze narrows on Jesper again but he cuts him off.
“Let me correct myself. Have I ever led you astray about Ravina?”
Their silence drags on as they continue to stare, neither of them backing down.
“Do you think they’re going to fight?” Nero whispers. “I could still peck his eyeballs out for not giving you a warning.”
“I trust them,” I tell him. “Even before this discovery, I knew instinctively they could never hurt me. And vice versa. I just need Kill to see that too. I need him Nero, I love him. Fates, I love all of them, but they need to want me too and I know he does, he’s just scared.”
Arms wrap around my waist and I’m smothered into Jesper’s chest. “Awe, you love me?”
I sink into his hold. “You know I do.”
“Fine, I’ll do it,” Killian’s voice breaks, making him sound more vulnerable than I’ve ever heard him. Even as a fledgling.
I spin towards him, unable to help the small smile that’s struggling to stay hidden. As if I would be getting excited over the fact I want my mate to try to kill me. Maybe I’m as crazy as Jesper.
“Not crazy,” he adds. “Delightfully unhinged.”
My head shakes at his charming absurdity before I block him out, focusing on Kill. “I promise. You won’t hurt me.” I will say it as many times as he needs to hear it.
He takes a deep breath and I feel his magick flare out around him. His body straightens, his corded muscles ripple and for the first time in a long time I feel more like prey than a warrior. Yet I’m not scared… I’m excited.
My chin dips. I’m ready.
His quads bunch a millisecond before he moves and I don’t blink. I need to show him I’m not scared. That he has no reason to fear us interacting.
The tip of the dagger stops right at my leather chestplate and then clatters to the dirt a second later.
His shoulders shake as he falls to his knees, panting. “I didn’t think it would work…” his deep baritone shakes as he pulls me into his arms. “I’m so sorry. I’m—”
“Shh, there’s no need to apologize, Kill. I know it will take time, and we will have our bumps, but you don’t need to worry about this.”
Even though he’s on his knees he’s still able to bury his head into my neck. “You’ll remind me when I forget?”
“Always.”