Chapter 18 Communication
Communication
Itold him. Unlike with every other person in my life, including all my closest friends, I told Caelum Bones exactly what Alaric and I had been doing.
Why I told him, given the thoughts I’d had, pretty much throughout the summer, from the very first broadcast Alaric and I managed to overhear, wasn’t entirely clear, even to me.
I’d only ever voiced those suspicions aloud to Alaric the one time, up on The Eyrie.
I suppose I’d been afraid he would agree with me, and I hadn’t wanted Alaric to tell me I was right.
He hadn’t agreed with me, though. Not only did Alaric think the idea improbable, he seemed to think it was completely impossible.
Regardless, I didn’t tell Bones about that particular conversation.
I told him everything else, though.
Even as I did, I marveled at that bizarre trust I still had in him, that I’d always had in him, even when I’d wondered if he might be the Priest himself. Even then, I’d still mostly framed it as something he felt he had to do, to keep himself safe or to appease his father or both.
As I laid everything out for him now, starting with the end of my first school year and my conversations with Alaric over those months, I wondered if Bones would deign to tell me anything real in return.
Would I have told him anyway, if I knew for sure he wouldn’t?
I knew myself well enough to know the answer was probably yes.
Anyway, delusional or not, I likely wasn’t making anything worse. If he did turn out to be on the wrong side of this, I wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t already know.
Somewhere in the middle of me talking, he’d gotten up from where he’d been half-lying on me, and sat cross-legged on the mattress, staring down at me incredulously.
He released my hand. He stopped touching me altogether once I was at the point of describing Alaric and his magical radio, our regular meetings to work on seeing arts, and our endless attempts at tracking and identification spells.
By then, I’d stopped crying, and was speaking more or less coherently, not through a fog of sobs like I had in the beginning.
He didn’t interrupt me, though.
He listened, absorbing every word, even after my voice grew borderline defensive. The expression on his face didn’t really change, even after I’d finished talking.
I don’t know what I’d expected him to say at the end of my however-many minutes of explaining, but the first words out of his mouth shouldn’t have surprised me.
They didn’t surprise me, really, but they managed to irritate me, even with how emotionally wrung-out I felt from the last twenty-four hours.
“What in the fuck is the matter with you, Shadow.”
He didn’t voice it like a question.
His voice was flat, harsh.
His gold eyes continued to stare at me, the disbelief and anger in them growing more prominent at my silence.
His irises no longer held that unstable, flickering fire, like they had before he’d used me to offload his magic, but they shimmered in a way that made me think he was having some kind of emotional reaction, despite the stillness of his features.
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” he continued coldly. “Did Alec put you up to it? Or was this summer suicide project your brilliant idea?”
My jaw hardened.
I’d just explained all of that. In detail.
For the same reason, I didn’t bother to speak.
Seeing something in my face, he averted his gaze. His own jaw clenched briefly as he seemed to be making an effort to dial his emotions back.
“Well, that explains why they decided to tag him now,” he said a beat later.
He spoke under his breath, practically through gritted teeth.
“You realize there’s no possible way this is a coincidence?
Old Borogh must’ve been ordered to bring him in.
They likely told him to control his son, or they’d do it for him. ”
“So someone felt us that night?” I asked cautiously. “At The Eyrie?”
His eyes flickered to mine, incredulous.
“Of course they fucking felt you,” he snapped.
I stared at him, feeling myself pale all over again.
My hands tightened on the blankets as my throat went dry.
My mind returned to the vortex image I’d seen the night before, the bloody Osiris inside the temple, carving hieroglyphs into his chest. Fighting my expression level, I leaned my back lightly against Bones’s headboard.
“What does ‘tag’ mean?” I asked. “What are they doing to him?”
Bones looked at me, and now the anger and disbelief had leaked into his actual features, not just his eyes.
“Eye of Horus, Shadow,” he said, his teeth still gritted. “You really have no interest whatsoever in staying alive, do you?”
I felt my own hackles rise. “You wanted to know what we were doing. I’ve told you. Is that all you can think to do with that information? Insult me?”
“You shouldn’t be talking to me about this at all,” he growled.
“You shouldn’t be telling me any of this shit.
You shouldn’t be asking me about Alaric.
Why in the gods would you trust me with this, Shadow?
I as much as told you my family is involved.
I told you that last year. And here you are, basically admitting to… ”
He trailed, as if thinking better of what he’d been about to say.
When I didn’t speak, he let out an exasperated sigh.
“Even if you trust me for some bizarre fucking reason… and I’m definitely not telling you that you should trust me, Shadow…
you’re not trusting me with the right things.
” His eyes flickered back to mine. A frustrated, nearly agonized look reached them, startling me with the openness I felt behind it.
“Why in the gods won’t you trust me when I tell you to stop doing shit like this?
Do I really need to spell it out for you, why it’s a bad idea to be chasing after Dark Cathedral operatives, given what you are? ”
My hands clenched in the blankets. “So Alaric is in danger?”
His exasperation turned back to disbelief. “YOU are in danger!”
“But Alaric––”
“Leave the Alaric situation alone,” he snapped. “Let me handle it.”
My own anger flared. “Why? Because you’ve done such a bang-up job already?”
“No,” he snapped back. “Because this is my world, Shadow. You didn’t grow up here. You don’t know these people. You have absolutely no idea what you’re getting yourself involved in, nor how fucking lucky you are to be alive right now, given what you’ve been doing.”
My jaw hardened right alongside his.
“And you’re absolutely in a position to be tackling this yourself, are you?
” I cut in, now angry for real.“You’ve as much as told me you can’t…
or won’t… do anything against them directly.
You won’t do anything at all if it means going against your father.
Not even for one of your closest, possibly your only real friends! ”
It took maybe a second for my words to penetrate.
Then he paled.
I blinked as I stared at him, a little shocked when I saw how dramatically his color changed. Then, replaying my own words, I felt a sharp pain under my ribs.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
When he averted his gaze, I clasped my hands in my lap over the long shirt I wore, conscious suddenly that I badly needed a shower. And a toothbrush.
“I’m not judging you.” I pressed my lips together, shaking my head.
“I don’t know the situation there, and I’m not asking…
I’m perfectly aware it’s none of my business.
” I fingered a few stray curls behind one ear, then gestured vaguely around the room.
“I’m just saying, you might need some actual help, Bones.
Preferably from someone who isn’t connected to that lot, either by blood or because all their childhood friends are in the exact same position.
You say I’m crazy for trusting you, but who on earth can you trust with any of this?
Apart from me and Alaric, is there anyone else? ”
I watched his face when he didn’t answer.
For some reason, he didn’t look away.
“That’s why Alaric and I did this,” I added earnestly.
“He needed to know what Dark Cathedral was actually doing. He needed to know if he needed to run. He knew it was a risk. Of course he did. But he was already in danger because his family is directly involved. Ignoring it wasn’t an option for him.
And clearly, from everything both of you’ve told me, ignoring them’s not an option for me, either.
They’ll kill me whether I go after them or not. ”
Bones was already shaking his head.
“You’re barking, both of you. You especially,” he added with a growl. “You’d think last year might’ve scared you off fucking around with these people, at least a little––”
“Last year?” I retorted in disbelief. “And how could I have avoided that, exactly? You act like I’ve gone looking for this stuff, Bones, when most of the time, it’s been hunting me!
Now you’re angry that I tried to get ahead of it a little?
What am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for someone to come for me again? ”
He winced, his expression pained.
He didn’t look away from me, though, and I saw conflict in his eyes.
“Can’t we just talk about it?” I asked, exasperated. “Do you know where he is? Alaric? Is there any way you could get a message to him?”
But he barely seemed to hear me.
“…Even if you did find out what they have planned, what then?” he muttered, his words holding a touch more venom.
He pulled at the duvet with his fingers.
“What do you even hope to accomplish? Do you think you can just go to your praecurus cousin with that information, and he’ll just snap his fingers to make it all go away? ”
His eyes rose to meet mine. Anger shone in them again.