25. Chapter 25 #2
“But I lied to you,” I spit out, scooting forward to the edge of my seat.
“Dixon, remember that one time we were talking about our crappy parents, and I let slip that my mom wanted me to go to conversion therapy? Well, that wasn’t the whole truth.
Not even close. She succeeded . She got men from our church to haul me away in the middle of the night and bring me to this run-down church camp who-knows-where.
I was there for a month before they brought me home, a different person.
And I wasn’t the only one. There were other boys there, too. The youngest was only twelve.”
Dixon looks at me with profound sadness in his gaze, but when he reaches for my knee again, I swat his hand away and turn to Alex, whose mouth is open behind his palm.
“All the times you’ve called me Malibu? All the times we’ve hung out and danced together?
Every day I’ve sat by your side pretending to be someone I’m not?
How can you be okay with that?” I run my hand through my hair harshly, my words coming faster now, my leg bouncing.
“I’m not some cool, breezy person. I’m a mess.
My anxiety, my panic disorder… I’ve been acting like I’m fine for so long when I’m not.
” I huff out a frustrated breath. “I didn’t tell you guys about the escorting until recently.
I was camming, too, for extra cash, did you know that?
No, because I didn’t say anything. And that one’s definitely against the rules.
I’ve been shoving every single one of my problems down deep where you couldn’t see them.
A friend wouldn’t do that. A friend wouldn’t hide.
Wouldn’t lie . And I’ve lied to you. All of you. You don’t even know who I am.”
“Mal,” Niko pipes up.
“No, I’m not—”
“Enough,” Alex says, cutting me off. He grabs my hair-raking hand and tugs it down between us.
His grip on me is absolute, the fire in his eyes even more shocking.
“I do know who you are, Curls. We do know.” I shake my head, but Alex won’t be deterred.
“No, you listen up. You’re the guy who puts on a brave face, even when times are tough.
You’re the guy who has a kind word for everyone he meets, who’s good and gentle and more caring than most. You’re the guy who would give any of us the shirt off his back, who’s been hurt and doesn’t know how to accept anything in return.
You’re our friend . Our brother.” He squeezes my hand tightly.
“It doesn’t matter what your name is. That’s never mattered.
And it doesn’t matter that there are some things you’ve kept close to the chest. We all have a past. What matters is you , Mal.
Just you. And despite what you may think, we all know that guy, and we love him. ”
“Fuck,” I breathe out, dropping my head. My heart is beating furiously, but it’s not in panic. It’s something I don’t have a name for.
“He’s right,” Dixon says, his large palm smoothing over my back. “You’re ours. And a couple little white lies don’t change that fact.”
I choke out an incredulous laugh. “I think it was more than that.”
Dixon shrugs. “Like Alex said, it doesn’t change who you are at your core. But Mal, you don’t have to lie to us. I think I understand why you did,” he says, frowning, “but we’re here for you no matter what.”
I shake my head. “You guys really mean that, huh?”
“100 percent,” Niko says through Dixon’s phone.
Alex nods, squeezing my hand again. There’s a smile on his lips, even as moisture lingers in his eyes. “I’m excited to get to know the real you. Still our Mal, just…freer, I hope.”
“I hope that, too,” I say softly.
Alex clears his throat. “What do you want us to call you? What’s your name?”
I huff a breath, shaking my head. “I think… I like Mal,” I say. Not the guy I was long ago—the one my mom tried to break. And not the persona I fell into here. “Not Malibu. Just Mal.”
Alex nods, smiling crookedly. “Mal it is. Still our Mal.” He leans forward, wrapping me in his petite arms before I can protest, not that I would. “I’m so sorry about what happened to you,” he whispers harshly. Sincerely. “But we’re here for you now, okay? You’re safe here. Please believe that.”
I blow out a shaky breath, ready to accept that what he’s saying is the truth. “I do.”
“Good,” Niko adds.
Alex sits back and wipes his eyes as Dixon squeezes my arm, nodding his head in agreement.
“Now,” Alex says, turning his lips up and practically flooding the room in his natural sunshine. “What will it take to get your fabulous ass to join us this Friday at Sublime? You haven’t been in forever. Is your daddy keeping too tight of a leash on you?”
I bark out a laugh, eternally grateful for Alex’s ability to lighten any mood. “No,” I reply, shaking my head. “Henrik has been…great.”
“Oh,” Alex says with a coy little smile. “Do tell.”
I relax back against the couch, the remaining tension bleeding from my frame. “I thought he was going to be…I don’t know, strict when I first met him. But he’s actually very sweet.”
I think back over all the affectionate touches.
The way Henrik can’t seem to help but attach himself to me when we’re close.
How patient he is, and the look on his face when I do something as simple as thank him for dinner.
How his hesitancy from the early days is gone.
How he seems to believe me when I tell him I want him.
“Oh, hun,” Alex says, folding his hands under his chin. “You’ve gone and gotten attached to the sugar daddy, haven’t you?”
“Maybe?” I hedge. Definitely.
Dixon chuckles. “I know that look. You’re trying to convince yourself it’s nothing. You don’t want to get your hopes up.”
“Well, can you blame me?” I ask. “I’m just his escort.”
“You’re not just anything, Mal. You’re wonderful. He’d be lucky to have you,” Niko says loudly through the phone.
“I’m afraid to go for it,” I admit. “I’m afraid I’ll get hurt.”
“Well,” Alex says, slipping close and squeezing himself onto the couch next to me. “If Henrik doesn’t feel the same, we’ll be here to help you find someone who will, okay? But I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
“No?” I ask.
Alex shakes his head. “No way. That man was smitten. He couldn’t keep his hands off you.”
I scoff. “That doesn’t necessarily mean anything,” I point out, even though I was thinking otherwise not a moment before.
“Alex is right,” Dixon says. “When we were there, it was like you were the center of his universe. He kept turning to you, aligning himself to you, following you wherever you went. I don’t think it’s just physical for him.”
“Huh,” I say, my chest tingling with hopeful little bubbles. “Maybe.”
“Only one way to find out,” Alex sing-songs. “You gotta confess to your sugga beau.”
I sigh, hanging my head. “Could we not call him that?”
Alex starts singing the chorus to “I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch),” and I lose it, laughing loudly along with Dixon and Niko.
“You’re ridiculous,” I say once he’s finished his short rendition of the song.
“Guilty as charged. Now, I need some fuel,” Alex says. “Who’s with me?”
“I could go for a bite,” Dixon says.
I nod, smiling a little, knowing I can afford to treat myself once in a while now. “Me, too. But then I have somewhere to be this afternoon.”
“Oh?” Alex says, standing up.
“Well.” I huff a laugh, realizing I have one more secret to confess. “I volunteer at a cat shelter nearby.”
Alex’s face brightens. “Kitties? Can I come?” he asks, bouncing on his toes.
I chuckle. “If you want.”
Keith is going to be thrilled. First Henrik, now some more recruits.
“Grumpy Bear,” Alex says, looping his arm through Dixon’s. “You have to come, too. Please, please, please.”
Dixon sighs, but the corner of his mouth turns up infinitesimally. “Fine.”
“Count me in,” Niko says. “I’ll meet you guys there. There’s no way I’m missing my boyfriend surrounded by a pile of kittens.”
Alex laughs as we head toward the door. “Yeah, this calls for photographic evidence.”
Dixon groans as Alex tugs him forward.
“This is the best. Anything else you want to get off your chest, Mal? Perhaps a secret yacht we can visit tomorrow?” Alex asks lightly, determined to make sure I know he and the guys aren’t upset with me.
I appreciate it more than he could possibly understand.
I didn’t want to lose these guys. My real family.
“I’m afraid not,” I say, shaking my head, following them out the door. “But I did get to ride in a limo recently.”
Alex ooohs , demanding I tell the story. And as we set off together, stepping out into the Las Vegas sun, I pluck a little pill from the container in my pocket, feeling lighter than I have in quite some time.