Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
MARIA
I run my hands through my hair, trying to convince myself I didn’t make a mistake by coming here, not that I had much choice.
I’m safe here, that’s what I have to remind myself. No matter how hard it might be to believe it, these guys have offered me a sanctuary, away from Rayo and the rest of the Rosas men. I have to stop panicking, looking over my shoulder and thinking something terrible is going to happen to me every moment of every day.
It’s been two days since I got here, and I have spent most of that time sequestered up in my room, hiding out from everything that’s going on out in the club. Aside from a few trips down to the kitchen to get some food, I figure it’s better to keep myself, at least for the time being.
But I’m starting to get restless, and I know how bad it is for me to have time alone with my thoughts. They always end up drifting back to my father, to everything that’s going on with him, and I know I can’t let all of that get to me. I need to stay focused, not sit around feeling sorry for myself and what’s happening with my family.
I draw myself to my feet, and grab one of the hoodies that was left in the room for me. There’s not much in the way of cute clothes, but that doesn’t bother me. After the way I’ve been forced to dress up and parade myself around for Rayo and Las Rosas Negras, I’m happy to make use of the hand-me-down pieces I have in my room. I stuff my hands deep into the pockets, the faint smell of motor oil coming off the fabric. I guess this once belonged to one of the MC members. Maybe Malo.
Nope, I’m not letting myself think about him, not a chance in hell. I need to keep my head on straight, and he has me feeling all kinds of confused. The hook-up outside the Deadman’s Hand is still playing on my mind, and I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed through my mind while lying in bed up here all by myself. It was seriously hot, even if I’m sure he’s never going to touch me like that again, not after finding out how I betrayed him. He was into me when I was just this random girl at the bar, not when I came with all the baggage I currently have on my back right now.
I make my way out of my room and wander down toward the clubhouse on the ground floor. I know I can’t leave this place, but I’ve done a little snooping late at night, and it looks like this is where everyone hangs out in their off time. There is a pool table and a bar, along with a rusty old jukebox that I would be surprised to find out still worked at this point. Not much, but I guess it’s somewhere safe for them to blow off steam if they can’t be bothered to go all the way to the Deadman’s Hand to get a drink.
I round the corner, and find the place full—fuller than I’ve ever seen it, at least. A few of the guys are playing pool, shooting the shit together, and one of them is leaning up against the bar, pouring himself a generous measure from a bottle of bourbon. Harley and Bella, the two girls I saw earlier, are chilling at a small table next to the window. Bella looks a little tired, and I wonder if she’s still dealing with the sickness she mentioned to me before. Maybe there’s something else going on there…
“Hey, Maria, right?” the guy at the bar calls to me. “Names Blue.” I nod, scrunching my hands under the long sleeves of the hoodie. I’m still a little freaked by people knowing who I am around here, worried that someone is going to take exception to me, given that I worked for their enemies up until recently. But he waves me over, and pours me a drink.
“For you,” the man named Blue tells me cheerfully, pushing it across the bar toward me.
“Oh, it’s okay, I don’t?—”
“Beast told us to take good care of you,” he remarks, nodding toward the drink pointedly. “You’re an honored guest, helping out with Las Rosas.”
I pick up the drink, and take a sip. The warmth blooms over my chest, and I let out a smile. Okay, yeah, maybe I can handle this. Just a drink, right? And a chance to get to know some of the other residents here. If I’m going to be living here, then I’m going to need to find a way to get comfortable with everyone.
I lean on the bar for a moment and look around. Nobody seems to be paying much attention to me, which comes as a relief. I was worried everyone would be staring at me, wondering what I was doing here, trying to parse out whether or not I could be trusted, but the guys weren’t even looking in my direction. I’d imagined they would be lecherous, but they were more interested in their game than they were in me. Something begins to uncoil inside of me, the fear I’ve been hanging on to for so long starts to ease a little.
Bella lifts her hand and waves to me. Harley still doesn’t seem sure of me, but she offers me a tight smile as I come over to them and pull up a chair. It’s a little creaky, but I don’t care, it’s just good to be around other people, after being alone with my thoughts for so long.
“Hey,” Bella greets me warmly. She’s got a bright, bubbly tone to her voice, and I can tell she’s a total sweetheart. I might not know her well yet, but I hope I get a chance to. I don’t know how long I’m going to be here, but I like the thought of having some girlfriends while I’m in this place. Even before I got pulled into this whole mess with the cartel, I was so focused on my studies, I didn’t really have a lot of time to spend with anyone else. Maybe it’ll do me good to get to know these girls a little better.
Bella nudges Harley under the table, and Harley lets out a sigh, grabbing the beer that’s sitting on the table in front of her.
“I guess I owe you an apology,” Harley offers me, clearly prompted by Bella.
“What for?” I ask, a little confused.
“She was just worried you were really working with Las Rosas Negras,” Bella cuts in, clearly wanting to hurry along this conversation.
“That’s why I was off with you the other day,” Harley explains, managing a wry smile. “I don’t trust anyone who comes through those doors. Not after…”
She trails off. There’s clearly something on her mind, but she doesn’t want to get into it now. I’m not going to push the issue. God knows we all have our stories, and we might not want to lay it out to people we’ve only just met.
“I’m going to get another drink,” she remarks. “You want something, Bella?”
“I’m fine,” Bella replies, waving her hand and pulling a face. “Anything other than water makes me feel crappy lately.”
“Suit yourself,” Harley replies, and heads over to the bar, leaving us alone again.
I eye Bella for a moment. I wonder how long she’s been feeling this way? She leans back in her seat, rubbing a hand over her face.
“You doing okay?” I ask her gently, and she shrugs.
“I’ve been feeling so crummy recently,” she admits. “But I don’t know what’s going on. I mean, it’s not like I’ve caught something off anyone else, nobody else around here is sick…”
“Crummy how?” I ask. There’s something at the back of my mind, but I want to ask a few more questions before I come out with it. The last thing she needs is to get spooked by something she doesn’t need to be.
“Like, every morning I wake up and I’m just so sick,” she complains. “I have no idea why. And then it gets better over the course of the day, but I can only eat the blandest stuff. Just the smell of some food makes me sick. And anything other than water, makes me feel terrible. Sometimes just a whiff of alcohol is enough to set me off.”
I shift my drink away from her, making sure she doesn’t have to inhale the smell of it. I dance around the obvious in my head. She’s probably already thought of it, right? I mean, she’s younger than me, but she’s not stupid. I probably don’t have to say anything.
But I know I won’t be able to get it out of my head until I do. I lean forward, lowering my voice, and speak quickly so I can get it all out by the time Harley gets back.
“Do you think you might be pregnant?” I suggest.
Her eyes nearly bug out of her head when that comes out of my mouth. “What are you talking about?” she gasps, shaking her head. “I… no! There’s no way…”
She trails off, and I can see her mind turning over the possibility. She begins to chew on her lip.
“I guess I could be,” she admits, finally, as though coming to terms with it herself for the first time.
“When was the last time you had your period?” I ask her.
She frowns. “I don’t know,” she replies. “I don’t really keep track of that kind of stuff.”
“What about your mom?” I ask. “Did she have an irregular cycle, or…?”
Bella shakes her head. “I don’t know,” she replies, voice dropping slightly. “She’s been sick for a very long time.”
My heart twists, and I lean away from Bella again to make our conversation look more casual as Harley returns from the bar. It’s clear these women haven’t had a mother figure around when they were growing up. Were they raised in the club? Maybe. That might explain why Bella seems so oblivious to the fact that she’s showing a whole host of signs of being pregnant, but she doesn’t even seem to know why.
“You okay?” Harley asks, glancing between the two of us, clearly able to sense the shift in the atmosphere.
“I’m fine,” Bella replies, quickly sitting up straight, as though covering her ass and making sure Harley doesn’t catch on to what’s happening. The two girls might be close, but I guess Bella doesn’t want anyone to know about this one way or another until she’s sure. I offer her a quick smile, hoping she can tell that I’m not judging her for any of this.
I pick up my drink and take a sip, as Bella begins to chatter away to Harley again, clearly wanting to fill the silence before the other woman clocks on to what’s happening here. I glance between them, and feel a little pang in my chest. I kind of wish I didn’t have to leave. It’s clear Bella, at least, needs some female guidance in her life, and if Harley’s anything like her, she’s probably no different in that respect.
I know what it’s like to grow up without a mom around for most of your life. But I don’t know how it must feel to live under the rule of a place like this, of a club like the Ruthless Kings. They’re clearly cared for here, but how much of the normal experience have they actually had? They have street smarts, obviously, but what about the basic stuff that having another woman around could teach them?
I down the rest of my drink, and slip my hands into my pockets again. I don’t know how long I’m going to last in this place, but I promise myself, at least, that I will do everything I can to help these two along the way.