cVX
Chapter Nine
Darien
My hands shake, literally shake as I fill my backpack with what I’ll need for my outing with Rex. I’ve never been this nervous on a first date before.
I drop my water bottle.
This isn’t a date. Can’t be.
Do I want it to be?
Nope. Definitely not.
Liar.
I plop onto the cot with the thin mattress that passes as my bed and let the half-filled backpack slip from my grasp.
I need to get my shit together before I meet up with Rex.
My thoughts have been so muddled the past few days, and I still can’t decide whether I should allow myself to explore my attraction to him or take a hardcore stance and reject all thoughts of being intimate with a guy.
I’ve jerked off to pictures of the hunky Rex in my mind ever since the coffeeshop. But that doesn’t mean I have to follow through on my feelings.
Okay, if I’m being honest, I’ve been jacking it while pining over him since being half naked in his cave.
Oof. How hot was that? Being rescued by a big, strong mountain man and carried off to his cave like a damsel in distress.
I snort. That’s a fantasy I never imagined would make it onto my bingo card.
Shoving aside my pervy fantasies, I grab my backpack and go back to getting it ready.
I’m sure I’m working myself up over nothing.
I seriously doubt the man is interested in me.
I don’t even know if he’s gay or bi. But I can’t quite interpret the girlfriend remark.
Because it really seemed as though he was testing the waters.
Once, when I was at a college party with Kade, this guy hit on me. Being the big dork that I am, I didn’t pick up on what was happening until Kade teased me about it later.
I’ve always wondered about that exchange. The guy was funny and attractive. If I’d realized what was going on, would I have flirted back? Or would I have been too worried about what Kade or my other friends would think if I got together with a man?
The frustration my musings are causing is doing nothing to calm my nerves. One thing’s for sure, though. I absolutely refuse to ponder over how fast and strong my attraction to Rex is. Otherwise, I might jump him on the trail, which would be hella awkward.
I toss my backpack onto the bed, then reach for my hoodie.
I don’t have to think about the answer to any of this right now.
Being on my own for the past few weeks with only my thoughts to keep me company most of the time has made my brain go into overdrive.
I simply need to go out and enjoy the day with someone by my side.
The nights in my new home are lonely. But they’re also devoid of civilization’s soundtrack.
The distractions that prevented me from facing myself.
I assumed that planning my future and deciding to lean into being a naturopath was delving into my true self.
But I’m not simply what I do for a career. I’m much more.
And now there’s Rex, making me come to terms with a part of my true self I’ve been pushing away for far too long.
My heart thunders the closer I get to the spot where I’m meeting Rex. I’ve been singing at the top of my lungs and reciting the Latin names of various plants in my head to try and distract me, but it’s been a big fail. Rex, Rex, Rex. This growing obsession is getting out of control.
Right as I drive around the bend, I spot Rex’s truck. But what I’m really fixed on is him. Tall, muscular, and fuck me, those full kissable lips tugging into a smile as I park next to him.
Quit drooling, you maniac.
Now, if I can only behave like a coherent human being, I might stand a chance of surviving the day.
What I should’ve been doing while driving was come up with safe, and hopefully interesting, subjects of conversation.
I doubt the history of local plants and their medicinal properties will thrill him.
“Good morning,” Rex calls out as I climb out of my Jeep. “We’ve got ourselves a perfect day for a hike.”
“Yeah.” I attempt my least unhinged smile. “It’s awesome.”
I can’t seem to purge the inappropriate thoughts of Rex out of my mind. He might think twice about being alone with me if I keep staring at his crotch.
Heat crawls up my neck until my cheeks are burning. Or maybe he’ll really want to be alone with me.
I busy myself with adjusting my backpack, pretending that I’m verifying I have everything with me. Anything and everything to keep from locking eyes with him. Somewhere in my addled brain I’m convinced he’ll know exactly what I’m thinking about if I do.
“Did you need help with anything?”
I realize I’m struggling to hoist my backpack over my shoulders, which is ridiculous.
At this point in my life, I’ve been hiking for so long that getting ready to hit the trail is muscle memory.
However, that unconscious action seems to have flatlined.
My fingers fumble and I’m twisting my waist and rolling my shoulders as if I’m warding off a flea infestation.
“Here,” says Rex. “Let me get that for you.”
One warm, strong hand lands on my shoulder and I tense, my breath caught in my throat. Holy shit, I might pass out. Of course, then he’d have to carry me back to his cave, so would it really be all that bad?
Rex grabs the strap of my pack with his other hand then lifts it onto my shoulder. “There. Comfortable?”
The absolute last word I’d use to describe my situation is comfortable, but I’m not about to let him know that.
“Yeah, that’s great. Thank you.”
Rex smiles. “Of course. Ready?”
I need to snap out of my Rex-induced trance. “Totally. I’m excited.”
Ooooh… I wince. Could’ve made a better word choice.
“Me too.”
Rex tosses his pack over his shoulder like Paul Bunyan wielding his axe. I briefly wonder why this man isn’t a lumberjack. He’s certainly built for it. He’d probably be able to yank a tree out of the ground by its roots.
I snort at the visual. I also remind myself not to fixate so much on what a gorgeous male specimen Rex is. I’ll never survive the day otherwise.
“You said where we're going has the greatest view in the park?”
Small talk for the win.
Rex nods as we set off on the trail. “In my opinion, it is.” He gives me a sideways glance. “Not many people attempt it, so I hope you’re as experienced as you say you are. I might have to carry you over my shoulder otherwise.”
He winks, and my knees wobble.
I let out a shaky chuckle, and thankfully, he faces forward again so he doesn’t see me bite my knuckle. Fuck me, but this is going to be a long ass day.
After an hour or so of chit-chat and an easy trek, the path veers off to the left—the opposite direction of where the arrow on the sign points. The trail is much narrower and doesn’t seem as if it’s been maintained at all. Rex stops at the fork. He points toward the narrow path.
“This is the way we need to go to get to the top.” Rex retrieves his water canister from the pouch on his belt and unscrews the cap.
Right as he’s about to take a drink, he pauses, his brow furrowing.
“You know, if you’d rather make, this a more relaxing outing, we could always…
” He shifts from foot to foot. “What I mean is, if I’m being too pushy…
” He places the cap back on his canister without taking a drink.
“There are scenic limestone bluffs in the other direction that are interesting. Lots of people go there because they’re so… ” Rex clears his throat. “Interesting.”
I have no idea what’s caused this sudden hesitation.
Unless he’s picked up on how attracted I am to him and would rather we stay on a more well-traveled path.
I could respond by agreeing to change our course.
Then I won’t have to worry about being alone with him either.
We can be trail bros, and he can be my platonic guide, showing the Ozarks newbie what it’s all about.
Nah.
“I’m really looking forward to that view. It sounds awesome.” I scramble to come up with something to say that will seal the deal. “Plus, I’d never know how to get there without you guiding me.”
“Don’t ever hike up to the summit without me.” Rex’s tone has a steely edge that startles me.
“Oh.” I draw my eyebrows together. “How come?”
“I still haven’t found that mountain lion and discussed…
err…” He rubs the back of his neck, glancing around as if said lion is about to leap out of the bushes.
“What I mean is that the trail isn’t maintained very well because it’s barely used.
It would be easy to get lost if you’re not extremely familiar with the terrain. ”
I nod. “Okay, then I guess this is my chance since you’re with me.”
Rex fidgets with his straps. “Right. Good point.” He gives me a weak smile. “Onward and upward then.”
We resume our trek and a tinge of uneasiness courses through me.
Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed the issue.
I’m really starting to feel as though I’ve made him rethink hanging out with me.
After all, I’m not only terrible at picking up on romantic cues in general, but I’m completely clueless when it comes to dudes.
I should seriously put a stop to my fantasies about Rex because I have no clue what I’m doing.
Another hour passes with us walking in mostly silence. I’ve managed to quit fixating over what is or is not happening between Rex and me. Instead, I revel in the beauty of the day and the thrill of setting foot on a patch of earth I’ve never trodden on before.
“Ah,” Rex points to a large outcropping of rocks up ahead.
“As soon as we get to the top, there will be a small descent down to a creek where there’s shade and a spot where we can rest.” He smiles at me, and this time it reaches his eyes.
“Ready for a snack break? It’s going to be a steeper incline the rest of the way. ”
I realize my shoulder aches a bit and my stomach is grumbling. “Sounds good.”