Chapter 11
ELEVEN
Deacon
I haven’t exactly been trailing the corridors looking for Aurora, but I’ve found myself out of my room this evening more than I normally am. Our kiss last night has played on a loop in my head all day.
I expected to see her on reception when I arrived back after work, but she wasn’t there. I know she’s moving around to lots of different departments, so maybe she’s switched.
I even popped into the hotel bar for a beer, which I’ve only done twice before in three years. I didn’t see her there either.
If I had her number, I could text her. Even though I shouldn’t. If she’s at work, she doesn’t need me sniffing around her. She clearly thinks that people won’t approve. She’s got a lot more to lose than I have.
The alarm on my phone goes off, indicating that it’s time for my FaceTime call with Willow. I grab my phone from my bed, turn off the alarm, and dial Gabby.
Gabby doesn’t answer, Willow does.
“Hey, dollface, how are you?”
“Hey, Daddy! I just ate dinner.”
“What did you have?”
“Broccoli. And I ate it, didn’t I, Mommy?”
I hear Gabby in the background. She sounds like she’s talking to someone. It might be the nanny or she might be on another phone. I don’t sweat it. Unless we agree in advance, there’s no one at the house other than the nanny or either one of us.
Now more than ever, I’m pleased we have that rule.
I’m being an insecure prick, but I don’t like the thought of Gabby and her boyfriend playing happy family with my daughter. I’m her family. That’s never going to change.
But if my sister’s right, and Gabby wants to change our arrangement, she’s going to want her fiancé there all the time when it’s her time of the week.
The thought makes my stomach churn. I hate to think about another man having some kind of fatherly role in Willow’s life.
Maybe if I loosened the reins a little and said that he could come and go as he pleased, it would make it more likely that Gabby wouldn’t ask to change our arrangement.
Chloe thinks it’s inevitable, but maybe it’s not.
Maybe we can agree that the way things are set up now still makes sense going forward.
“What else other than broccoli?” I ask, trying to stay in the moment.
“Carrots. And chicken. Daddy, I don’t like chicken.”
“Did you eat it?”
“Only a little bit. And then I had a yogurt.”
“Are you still hungry?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
“Maybe a glass of milk before bed would be a good idea.” Why am I interfering? Gabby’s got this. She’s a good mum, and anyway, the nanny is there. She’s great at her job and will make sure that Willow doesn’t go to bed hungry.
“What did you have for dinner, Daddy?”
“I’m going to have my dinner later,” I say. “Tell me about school.”
“I’m doing really well with my letters. And also gymnastics. Soon I’ll be able to do a one-handed cartwheel!”
“Wow,” I say. “I can’t wait to see. Maybe you can even teach me.”
Willow throws her head back and laughs. “You’re so silly, Daddy. You’re way too big to do a cartwheel. You have to be little. Like me.”
I screw up my face. “That’s disappointing. But I’d love to see you do a one-handed cartwheel. Will you do a hundred for me?”
“Two hundred,” she counters.
“Wow. That’s a lot of cartwheels.”
“I can do a lot, Daddy. You’ll see on Wednesday.”
“I can’t wait,” I reply.
I hear Gabby calling to Willow to go and brush her teeth. Gabby’s not cutting me off. She’s not being a bitch. It’s time for Willow to go and get ready for bed. It’s fine. It’s just, I wish I were there.
I try to tell myself that if Gabby and I were still together, I would probably spend less time with Willow than I do now.
I would know Willow was with Gabby, so I would stay at work and finish off whatever it was that needed my attention.
This way I’m getting to see more of my daughter, and when I’m with her, I’m fully present.
But somehow, I still feel like I’m missing out.
I feel like a failure. I didn’t give her everything I vowed to give my daughter when I was old enough to know what I’d missed out on. Stability. Security. Certainty.
“I gotta go, Daddy. I love you.”
“I love you more,” I reply, and she giggles.
“I love you a fillion percent.”
“I love you double.”
She waves at the screen, and I blow her a kiss before hanging up.
The call has been dead less than a second when my phone rings in my hand.
“What?” I ask Brian.
“It’s the closing day to book tickets to the conference,” he says.
“The conference I’m not going to?” I ask.
He sighs.
“I’m not going to change my mind. But if you want to go, please feel free.”
“You know there’s no point in me going. It’s not me that ABC Inc. want to talk to. It’s you.”
“Set up a video conference call.”
He groans. “Seriously? You know face to face is where you make the progress.”
“Okay, when does the conference start?” I ask. “Thursday?”
“Yes.”
“Then fly me out on Tuesday and back on Wednesday. I’ll take them to dinner on Tuesday night. Tell them I’m not going to be at the conference, but I’d like to see them.”
“Surely they’ll be too busy to do that.”
“You won’t know until you ask. ABC Inc. is hot property, but they’d be lucky to work in our group. We’d nurture them and get them on the path to being a powerhouse in AI. They know that. I bet they say yes to dinner.”
“I’ll draft you an email to send.”
“You do that.”
That’s one night next week when I won’t be at the hotel. For a fleeting moment, I get the urge to tell Aurora…not that I have her number. But why? I never have the urge to tell anyone about my business. We’ve shared dinner and a kiss. She doesn’t need my personal itinerary.
Even though I know that, I get the sense that her not knowing would create some kind of issue. A misunderstanding maybe?
I’m overthinking. Trying to control something that doesn’t need it.
I need to let it go.
I have to focus. On Willow. On my job. On buying ABC Inc. and expanding my empire. It’s just…whenever I close my eyes, it’s Aurora that I see.