Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
Aurora
I need to be quick. Deacon usually comes to the hotel sometime between eight and nine. I don’t want to be standing in reception when he’s here, but I want to find out when he’s no longer going to be our guest.
I need to know when I can stop hiding.
From what he’s said, Gabby wants the nesting arrangement to end sooner rather than later. When it does, Deacon won’t need to stay at the hotel because he’ll be full-time at his townhouse.
I don’t want to run into Deacon at any point before I leave New York if I can help it.
Not seeing him is all I can think about.
Even though we’ve only known each other weeks, what I feel for him is so strong, losing him is like losing a piece of myself.
It’s like I’m broken without him and I’m not sure I’ll ever work again.
I managed to leave his house without losing it, but then I went back to my flat and cried all night. I’ve cried every day since.
I cried for Deacon and the hope of loving someone for the rest of my life.
I cried for the life and family I’ve wanted since I’ve been a teenager.
I cried for all the pregnancies I won’t ever have.
I’d never felt so alone. So hopeless.
I managed to crawl out of bed, and for three days, I came to work and just went through the motions. I can’t remember anything about those days. I was just surviving.
Today, he’ll be checking in. It’s there on my screen—his booking right up until Wednesday.
I figure I can do my best to avoid him. I’ve moved one of my shifts, which means tomorrow, Monday, I’ll come in early and will have left by the time he returns after work.
I only have to avoid him at breakfast time.
Today might be a little more difficult because he’s here most of the day. But I’ll figure it out.
My entire time in New York has been about Deacon. In my final three weeks, I just want him to disappear.
I quickly check the time on my watch. It’s almost eight. I need to get out of here. I know he usually doesn’t leave the townhouse until eight, but I don’t want to take any chances.
I go back to the home screen on the computer in front of me and look up. Poppy is standing just outside her office on the other side of reception. She beckons me over with a nod of the head.
“Hi,” I say as I greet her. “Are you trying to catch up?” I ask. Poppy’s not usually at the hotel on a Sunday.
“I’m eating an elephant,” she says. “There’s no end to the work I have to do.” We head back into the office she shares with Avril. “Now with Boston on the horizon, I think I’m going to have to speed up the process of getting a junior to help me with some stuff.”
The mention of Boston makes my stomach roil. They’re expanding, and they were counting on me to help them in this hotel so they were freed up. “Sounds like you need to have some things taken off your plate.”
She smiles and takes a seat at the table under the window, just as Avril comes in.
“Oh good, you’re here,” Avril says, coming in and closing the door behind her. “How is everything?”
“Fine,” I say, as I take a seat.
Avril perches on her desk.
“We were just wondering if you had any questions about the general manager job or if you’ve had any more thoughts.”
I feel so ungrateful. These two women have been nothing but welcoming and supportive to me, and now they’re wanting to promote me and I’ve kept them hanging.
But I don’t want to prolong this agony. I’ve made my decision. I want to go home.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t think I can stay away from home any longer.” My voice cracks as I get to the end of the sentence, and I mentally chastise myself. I want to stay professional.
“Are you okay?” Poppy asks.
“Of course,” I say. “A little homesick, I suppose.”
More than a little. All I’ve wanted to do since I had my last conversation with Deacon is to drive to Woolton Hall in my pajamas and get into bed with Darcy with a packet of chocolate biscuits and the remote control. I want to cry and have someone I love and trust tell me it’s going to be okay.
I don’t have anyone here in New York.
I suppose I could have gone and cried on Ryder and Scarlett’s shoulders.
They would have been sympathetic and said all the right things.
But I’m always the girl in the background to Ryder.
I don’t want him to see me upset in New York.
I want to show him, and Darcy, that I took New York by the balls.
It’s part of the reason I haven’t told Darcy that Deacon and I have split.
Also, I know she would be sad for me but secretly pleased I don’t have anything to keep me in New York.
And I wonder if part of her would have seen our breakup as inevitable.
It’s not like I’ve ever been the girl who got the guy. That’s not been my story. Not ever.
But also, I just can’t bear the thought of telling Darcy and not being able to have her wrap her arms around me. I’d rather just deal with it myself, and when I’m feeling better, I can tell her that it didn’t work out.
“I’m sorry,” Avril says. “You’ve been working really hard. You’re probably tired as well.”
I nod. I don’t want to say anything else in case my voice comes out a strangled yelp.
“How are things with Deacon Black?”
I shake my head. “Oh, that’s…that’s not anything. Not anymore.”
Poppy shifts her chair closer to mine. “What happened?”
I try and steady myself. “It’s fine. It just didn’t work out.”
Avril’s expression of sympathy and concern is going to pop my bubble of professionalism and have me completely lose it, so I look away and focus on my hands in my lap.
“Really?” Poppy says.
“And I don’t want to mess you around about the general manager position. I don’t think I can take it. I’ve really enjoyed my time here, and I’ve learned so much. But I just want to go home.”
I can feel Avril and Poppy sharing a look, but no one says anything for a long time. Or at least it feels that way.
Avril speaks first. “Look, I know we’re technically your bosses, but we feel like we’ve built the start of a friendship while you’ve been here.
I want to take my boss hat off and say screw the job, let’s just focus on you.
I know you’re trying to shrug off this breakup as no big deal, but it’s allowed to be a big deal.
You clearly had chemistry, and if you were prepared to come to us to tell us about it, then it can’t have been nothing. ”
“We’ve all had breakups. We know that it’s awful,” Poppy says. “So take your time. We wouldn’t have asked you about the job if we’d have known you and… It’s not a good time to be making decisions.”
I shake my head. “I’m not going to change my mind about the job. I’m sorry, but I just can’t stay here.”
Poppy nods. “We’re not saying this to put pressure on you. We’re saying this because in the wake of a breakup, everything feels hopeless. You want to retreat and spend the day in bed watching horror movies and eating ice cream.”
“Horror movies?” Avril asks. “Who watches horror movies after a breakup? I want to watch nature documentaries. Anything factual. Anything on Bravo. Cooking shows.”
“I like horror movies,” Poppy says.
“I’ve known you my entire life and I didn’t know that,” Avril says.
“Horror movies wouldn’t be my go-to either,” I confess, sufficiently distracted from my heartache to participate in the off-piste debate. “For anything. But definitely not for a post-breakup healing.”
“Real Housewives?” Avril asks.
“Maybe. But anything so long as I’m in bed with my best friend, Darcy, calorie-loading.”
“Amen to calories,” Poppy says.
“We should organize another girls’ brunch, or afternoon-in-bed-eating-ice-cream day or something.”
They’re kind to be concerned. Having these two as bosses is very different to the carousel of bosses I’ve had during my time at The Rookery. “I’m going to be fine. Honestly I will.”
“Of course you’re going to be fine,” Avril says. “I have no doubt about it. But it’s okay not to be fine right now. You’re a long way from home. You probably feel isolated.”
“What are you doing tomorrow night?” Poppy asks. “We could go over to Avril’s place and watch a movie.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I say.
“We know we don’t. We want to. So that’s agreed. We’ll do it on Thursday, your next evening off.”
“And don’t think we’re doing this because we want you to change your mind about the general manager position either,” Avril says.
“Well, we do want you to change your mind about that, but that’s not what a movie-and-ice-cream night is all about,” Poppy adds.
“I’m not going to change my mind,” I say. I don’t want to give them false hope. I’m counting down the days when I can go back to England. I might not have been delighted with where things were heading, but I wasn’t miserable. And I’ll take not miserable over how I’m feeling right now.
“That’s okay,” Poppy says. “But the job offer is on the table until you step foot on the plane to go back to the UK.”
A little bit of the darkness that had settled in me lifts.
Even though I haven’t known Avril and Poppy long, and I don’t know them well, it’s nice to have people in my corner.
Nice to be treated with kindness and empathy.
I’ve enjoyed almost everything about working at Hotel on Ninth Street.
If only Room 325 had been occupied by a different guest.