1. Declan #2
“Am I annoying you? Because if I am, I won’t say a word more.
” God himself was laughing. “I just thought this flight would go by faster with some conversation, that’s all.
Besides, and I’m not proud to admit it, I’m a nervous flyer.
Being God knows how many miles up in the air, it makes me nervous.
And after the day I just had…I needed the distraction.
But, fine, message received. Loud and clear. I won’t say a word more.”
I held my breath.
“Not even if you ask me to,” she continued. “Okay, maybe if you ask me nicely. But otherwise—”
“Seriously?” I looked up at the ceiling and rolled my eyes. “I get the nervous flyer thing, but you really need to take a deep breath here. I mean…bloody hell.”
“That was uncalled for.” She sounded genuinely hurt. Then her eyes narrowed. “I don’t know who you are but—”
“I’m just a guy with a growing headache,” I volleyed back, my annoyance getting the best of me. “And your endless talking isn’t helping matters.”
“You know what… No, no, I’m not sinking to your level.” She crossed her arms and looked away from me. She was probably going for calm superiority, but she just looked annoyed.
Since sleep clearly wasn’t happening on this flight, I checked my phone. Luckily, the plane had Wi-Fi.
But I found myself at a loss of whom to message. I didn’t particularly want to reach out to any of my real friends. What would I even say? Funny story. My sister just told me she’s an alcoholic and asked me to look after her kid while she’s in rehab.
I wasn’t ready for that.
Instead, I logged onto Snug, the social media app my friend Anil and I had launched five years ago, and pulled up my chat with @1000words.
She ran a popular blog on Snug reviewing children’s picture books.
Everything she’d recommended, my niece Catie had loved.
One of my replies on a review had triggered a conversation and then, eventually, a friendship.
I had no idea who @1000words was in real life, and she definitely didn’t know who I was.
Unlike most of the other billionaires I knew, I hadn’t been born with money.
My anonymous Snug account was one of the few places where I got to let my guard down and be that regular guy again for a few minutes.
Maybe that’s what made @1000words easier to talk to right now.
Any new picture book recommendations? I’m about to spend sixteen hours traveling with an easily bored six-year-old, and I’m not above bribery.
She didn’t respond.
Of course she didn’t.
The way my luck was going, she’d probably decide to go on a digital cleanse or something else equally idiotic.
“I don’t normally drink in the morning,” Olivia said defensively to me.
Did she seriously think that I was still thinking about her? Like I had nothing better to do than ponder the drinking habits of the most annoying seatmate in the world?
I could use a drink, I thought, then remembered Sinead and winced.
“If you must know—”
“Please don’t,” I muttered.
“I was fired today,” Olivia said. “Again.”
“How?” I asked, incredulous. “It’s not even noon and you’ve been on a plane for most of the morning.”
Even she couldn’t be that incompetent.
“Oh, don’t be a pedantic jerk about it. Technically, I was fired yesterday,” Olivia admitted. “But I haven’t been to bed yet. When a family fires you, it’s best to leave as soon as possible.”
“A whole family fired you?” I asked, confused. I had a vision of some beleaguered office manager calling his mom for support just so he could get a word in edgewise as he tried to shove Olivia out the door.
“Just the parents. I’m a live-in nanny,” she explained, which I guessed made sense. When she wasn’t snapping at me, she had an open, pretty, approachable air that reminded me of my favorite first class teacher. Except no one would have dreamed of firing Mrs. Malone.
Damn. I should probably hire a nanny for Catie, I thought. I’d be working, and since it was summer, it wasn’t as if I could send her off to school. I’d rushed to the States so fast I hadn’t considered what lay beyond the immediate future.
“They kept asking me to do things that were bad for their kid,” Olivia said, true anger leaking into her voice for the first time since she’d stepped on the plane.
She clearly didn’t like me. But whatever these parents had done had obviously made her absolutely furious.
“They signed Wyatt up for so many activities he developed an ulcer from stress. I didn’t even know an eleven-year-old could get an ulcer.
But somehow, I’m the bad guy for refusing to take a crying kid to a violin teacher who yells at him. ”
When she was angry on behalf of a child, she didn’t look annoying. She looked fierce.
It suited her.
“How does one hire a nanny?” I asked, figuring I might as well get something useful out of the conversation.
“You lie and say you’ll respect the nanny’s childcare expertise.” Olivia’s sarcasm would have been more biting if she wasn’t struggling not to yawn.
Clearly, she wasn’t as used to sleepless nights as I was.
“Did you respond to an ad online, or did they reach out to you?” I prompted. “I know someone who might need a nanny.” If I told her it was me, she might try to turn the rest of this flight into a job interview. And while she clearly cared about children, I was looking for someone less…her.
Olivia bent down to root around in her purse.
Her shirt road up in the back, showing a swathe of smooth, fair skin.
She straightened and handed me a business card.
“Here. I’m a vetted nanny with Sunny Days Childcare.
Your friend can go online and fill out a form saying what they’re looking for.
They’ll send your friend a selection of potential nannies.
If your friend’s Irish too, he or she will want to check the box requesting someone who’s willing to travel internationally. ”
“Grand.” I accepted the card and put it in my wallet.
Since she’d helped me, and I’d grudgingly given up hope of anything resembling peace and quiet, I figured I could return the favor.
Even if she was the worst seatmate in the history of the world.
“You know, losing a job can be an opportunity to re-direct your career. Look for ways to improve yourself so it doesn’t happen again. ”
Olivia tilted her head, jaw tense. “Improve myself? Are you saying it’s okay for parents to give their children stress ulcers?”
I massaged the bridge of my nose, wishing I hadn’t said anything.
“Or the time before that when—”
“Wait, how many times have you been fired?” It couldn’t have been more than three, right? No one could possibly get fired that many times without learning their lesson.
Olivia crossed her arms, mutinous. “None of your business.”
Fuck. It was more than three. If she wasn’t so annoying, it would have been almost impressive. The eighth wonder of the professional world—the un-hirable woman.
“At this point, I’d be looking for the common denominator, sweetheart,” I said.
“How dare you,” she said.
I hit the call button to summon the flight attendant and reached for my wallet.
“Yes?” the flight attendant asked when she reached me.
I handed her a €100 bill. “Please get this woman her damn white wine.” If she’d been up all night, then I was pretty sure that one drink would be enough to make her fall asleep. Maybe then I’d finally have some silence. Already this flight felt longer than the one from Dublin to New York.
The stewardess took the bill discreetly, then returned with a plastic cup full to the brim of white wine. After some hesitation, Olivia accepted it. Hopefully, that would steady her nerves and, as a bonus, earn me a few minutes of silence.
“I still think you’re a condescending ass,” she told me. “I’m just drinking it because it would be a waste not to.”
“Oh my God. Drink the wine, don’t drink the wine…
I couldn’t care any less. I get it, you don’t like flying, you’re having a rough day, and you clearly need to vent.
It’s just…” I raked a hand over my face.
“I really don’t need to hear every bloody thought that runs through your head.
Believe it or not, I have a lot on my plate right now, and you’re making it impossible to think straight. ”
Olivia gaped at me, stunned.
For a moment I wondered if I’d gone too far.
Then she faced forward, studiously ignoring me and blessedly, silently drank her wine.
Sometimes going too far is the only thing that gets the job done.
After about twenty minutes, I glanced over and realized Olivia had fallen asleep. I rescued the half-empty cup from her hands since it was tipping in the general direction of my lap. Next to me, Olivia released a delicate little snore.
Christ, she can’t even sleep quietly, I thought.
I nudged her shoulder gently, hoping to jostle her into a position that would result in less snoring.