31. Devon
DEVON
“Come on,” Trav says.
I give him the smile I know he wants, but I make sure it looks as fake as can be. “I don’t want to be here.”
“Who wouldn’t want to be here? The weather is beautiful. The town is bustling. There’s cider over there. I know this is your favorite time of year.”
It’s hard to lie to your best friend, but it’s harder to see everyone staring at my leg. That’s one thing about small town life I wish I could change. The things you don’t want aired out in public, eventually get aired out in public.
“I’m not in the right mind for this, and you know it.”
“Well, kudos to me that I know from previous experience that letting you sit and wallow in your own house does nothing for you, so I’m going to be the annoying gnat dragging you around town for the foreseeable future, making sure you know that you have people who care about you.”
“I’m tired.”
I can see I’m testing his patience. As good of a friend as he is and always will be doesn’t mean he still wants to put up with my shit.
I find a table near the cider and sit, inwardly cursing my stupid leg. The fact that I’m tired is true, but I’m also hoping that sitting will give me a sort of camouflage from the rest of the farmer’s market goers.
“I’ll get us some cider.”
I nod appreciatively, then actually tell him thank you.
As soon as he leaves, though, I go back into my hell of a brain.
I study the area around me, telling myself that I’m not looking for Ember, but I know I’m lying.
I crane my neck to look around groups and don’t spot her anywhere.
I guess that’s good. I’m sure if we ran into each other it wouldn’t be welcome to either of us right now.
Hopefully, in the future, we can meet indifferently.
What we had would just be a blip on the timeline.
Friends would be stretching it but it’s not beyond the possibility because I have absolutely no ill will toward her, but that doesn’t mean she can say the same.
In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she felt the exact opposite.
Mrs. Morris stops by, squeezing my shoulder.
“I really wanted to see all the work you put into Sleepy Hollow yesterday. I was sad when it was shut down.” She lowers her voice to a whisper.
“I swear those Nicholses say they only want good things for Harvest Falls while secretly trying to upheave why we all love it here. Give Ember my love.”
I thank her and agree to do as she asked even though I’m quite sure Ember wouldn’t want me approaching her right now.
I hope she put in the new proposal. Or talked with Mom. Or dug up some dirt on Nichols so we—I mean, she—can put him on blast. I hope she’s not just sitting back stewing about me and letting all of this fall by the wayside.
Mom always says how stubborn I am, and sometimes, it’s a curse. I wish I could just call up and ask my mom right now if she spoke with Ember. I even pull out my phone, but think better of it and put it on the table. Instead, I peer around again, simultaneously looking for Ember and my mom.
If my mom sees me here, no doubt she’ll be surprised. At least I can make someone else happy today.
“Devon Richard Lachey. I could smack you upside the head.”
I freeze, knowing the voice is Bea’s. I peer up to find both Bea and Trav staring down at me with frowns. Bea has her hands crossed over her chest.
I understand this look. She’s spoken to Ember. I resist the urge to ask about her. This was the plan.
“I can’t believe you didn’t say anything to me,” Trav states.
I shrug because there’s really no answer to make. I certainly didn’t feel like talking about it and I knew something like this would happen.
“I’m doing fine. Thank you for asking,” I bite out instead.
“Oh, good. Yes. Which leg is it because I might just ruin the other for being a jerk.”
I blink at Bea. She is beyond furious, but I can tell underneath it all, there’s concern and a lot of it. “You might as well,” I counter.
“Alright, alright. Let’s talk without blaming.”
Trav has always been like this. I think it’s because he’s a middle child, he likes to be the mediator in everything, and he absolutely despises when people around him fight. It’s what makes him such a good pub owner. I can’t think of anyone who has ever fought there.
“Did she write the proposal?”
“Ask her,” Trav and Bea say at the same time.
“Oh, come on,” I mutter. “I don’t think she wants to hear anything from me. I’m just worried about the manor.”
“Let’s just say she’s doing as well as she can since her partner abandoned her.”
“I wasn’t her partner.”
Bea laughs. The sound comes out so maniacal that I’m surprised. “You know you were.”
“I agree with the sentiment,” Trav says while he talks Bea down, “but let’s try to understand one another.”
“You know you were great together,” Bea says, her voice softening. “The two of you ran that manor together. It’s been a long time since it was Ember’s house and you were just the contractor. You two ran it together.”
It certainly felt like that. Everything had been clicking into place. If it weren’t for this stupid leg. “I don’t need to be a distraction to her.”
“Forgive me,” Trav says. “But you’re being…I don’t know, the word ridiculous comes to mind. You’re pushing her away because you think she’s going to push you away.”
“That’s not it.”
“Then what is it?”
“I’ll hold her back.” I rub a hand down my brown Carhart jacket. “That’s what this is about, and it’s the only thing it’s about.”
Bea takes the seat across from me, and Trav sits next to her. I feel a little like I’m being interrogated by the cops now. I wonder if they’ll give me a phone call so I can get out of here.
“But you know that’s just fear talking,” Bea says. Her voice has turned sad, and the last thing I want is for anyone to pity me right now. It’ll make everything worse.
“It’s experience, actually. I don’t know how you both don’t see it. Look at the trajectory of my life. Everything I touch gets ruined. I’m coming to terms with that now.”
“Do you think he knows how stupid that sounds?” Trav asks Bea.
She shakes her head. “No, no I don’t. Let me tell you what I saw. I saw my friend finally let his guard down. I saw him thrive in a situation that I knew was hard for him. I saw him fall in love.”
I balk at that, even when the seed that was already planted there in my heart balks right back at me.
“You two joined forces and kicked some major butt. Within weeks, you two had the manor up and running when it hadn’t been touched in years. I was amazed.”
“It was all her.”
“As much as I would love to take credit for my friend, I’m not going to. It was both of you. Two people who had clicked into place. Everyone saw it, Dev.”
Trav nods. “I knew it from moment one.”
“You hadn’t even seen her yet,” I counter.
“I knew it from the way you got so upset. I can still see you simmering at the bar talking about the girl who stole the manor out from under you.”
“I care about the manor. That’s not weird.”
“It was the way you said everything. If someone can invoke that much emotion in you, it’s always a good thing.”
“The opposite of hate is…”
Love. We were definitely heading that way. “And that’s why I put an end to it. I don’t want to drag her down with me.”
“Here’s a concept. What if you didn’t? What if you didn’t even take the journey because you had someone like Ember by your side this time? Someone who could bring the best things out of you, just like she did when you were working on the manor together.”
Bea nods. “You took the one thing that could save you, and you blew it up. That’s not the sign of sacrifice that you think it is, Devon.
It’s a sign that you’re really just scared to lose it in the first place.
Scared that she would leave when things got tough, just like your dad.
Scared that you’d become unlovable because you knew how you’d react to the injury because you’d reacted that way before. ”
My throat clogs with emotion. I was scared. I am scared. I don’t know if I can do this again. It took all I had in me to pull myself up the first time.
“What if you tried something different this time, Dev? What if you tried to open your heart instead of close it? I know it’s a defense mechanism.
I can’t even blame you there, but speaking as someone who saw who you were with her, I’d make another bet that she won’t do what you think she will.
She’ll stick by you. She’ll make sure you’re okay, and you know I always win my bets. ”
“Trav’s right. In fact, I might take it a step further and say I think the only way you’re going to get through this is if you do it with Ember.
” She smiles. “I love you both, and I love you both separately, and I love you both together.
Things can work out for you. You just have to make different decisions than you did the last time.
“Last time, you retreated inside yourself and it took a heck of a long time for you to come out of it.”
“This time,” Trav says, picking up where Bea left off. “This time will be a whole different story.”
I rub my face. The words Mom said come back, too. Combined with Bea and Trav, they’re the three people who understand me the most. Maybe I should take their advice. It can’t get any worse than it is right now.
Their path means the possibility of making the greatest decision of a lifetime.
But what if I’ve already messed it up so completely? I was rude and mean. Possibly unforgiveable.
“Just try,” Bea begs. “Life is messy. No one said it had to be perfect, and Ember knows that, too. She took a chance on the manor, so why wouldn’t she take a chance on you?”
Just like the manor, I think she was fixing me up inside, too. Well, she was until I put a stop to it.
I bite my lip. Like Mom says, she doesn’t want me looking back on today and wishing I could change things. Neither do I.
“Thanks you two.”
“Always happy to impart wisdom on such a stubborn ass.”
Trav chuckles. “Same.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Somehow along the way, even though the universe was supposedly against me, I was still able to make friends like these two.
I let the dark win, and I’m not going to do that anymore.