Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
The Ranch
I flipped the screen of my cell phone around and said, “Say hi to my parents.”
“Hi parents!” Salem called with a smile and a wave.
I panned the cell around the kitchen. My friends and Muddy wished my parents a happy Thanksgiving. The back door slid open and Lenni came in holding Mildred.
“Ah, just in time,” I said with a smile. “Lenni, come meet my parents.”
“Hi Lenni!” my mom greeted with enthusiasm.
“Hi,” Lenni said, bashfully hiding her head against Mildred.
“Hi Lenni. Are you helping with all the food prep?” my dad asked. “Or are you going to do what I do and sneak away and hide?”
Lenni laughed. “I helped with the pie crusts earlier.”
“Don’t listen to him,” I said to Lenni. “He and my mom were the only reason we had a good Thanksgiving one year. They drove down to the city with a cooked turkey after we messed ours up.”
“Turkey is not as hard as everyone makes it out to be,” my dad informed her. “Meat thermometers will save your life.”
“Okay,” Lenni said. “Nice to meet you!”
She escaped to the living room where Mr. Powell and Grampy were watching football.
“I’m going to step outside for a second,” I informed the occupants of the kitchen.
“Take a coat,” Muddy insisted. “Snow’s in the air.”
Nodding, I grabbed my coat that hung on a kitchen table chair and slipped into it as I headed outside to the back porch. I didn’t want to stay too close to the house, so I went to the fire circle and took a seat in one of the camp chairs.
“She’s a cute kid,” Mom said. “How’s that going?”
“Okay, I think,” I said. “A lot of ups and downs.”
“That’s to be expected,” Dad said.
“Archer doesn’t really know how to handle the meltdowns yet,” I said. “Not that I blame him. It’s not like kids come with a manual.”
“How are you holding up?” Mom asked. “You look tired.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
“Am I wrong? Are you tired? Have you had a day off yet?” Mom demanded.
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” I insisted. “I wish you guys were here.”
“Maybe next year,” Mom said.
“You think I’ll still be out here next year?” I asked.
“Yes, I do,” Mom said.
The oven timer beeped in the background of my parents’ house.
“Gotta check that,” Mom said, rising from the couch. “Happy Thanksgiving, honey.”
My smile wobbled. “Happy Thanksgiving.”
Mom left so it was just me and my dad on the call.
“Don’t forget to take care of yourself,” he said. “You have a habit of taking care of everyone else. The world will not implode if you slow it down.”
“Slow it down? I’m in a small town with less than a thousand people. If it gets much slower, I’ll be retired.”
My dad smiled slightly. “You know what I mean.”
I sighed. “Yeah. Never could lie to you, could I?”
“You never really tried,” he pointed out. “I appreciated that. Made our job as parents a hell of a lot easier.”
“Love you, Dad.”
“Love you, Winnie. Have a great holiday and eat way too much.”
The screen went dark, and I sat in the camp chair for a moment, not yet ready to go back inside.
I looked at my cell, took a deep breath and scrolled to the number I’d saved into my phone last night. It rang twice before rolling to voicemail.
Something about the cheery greeting pissed me off to no end and I couldn’t hold back the vitriol. So, I left an angry lecture before hanging up.
I inhaled a few deep breaths and tried to shake off the mood, but it covered me like a wet feather blanket. The sliding back door opened, and Poet called out, “Wyn? You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, but I didn’t move.
A few moments later, Poet took the chair next to me. “What happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“You were in good spirits when you were talking with your parents. But now you look like you want to get into a brawl. So, what happened?”
I clenched my hands into fists and slowly released them. “I called Nancy.”
“Nancy,” she repeated. “The woman who dropped Lenni off with Archer?”
I nodded.
“How’d you get her number?”
“It’s on some of Lenni’s paperwork,” I stated. “Emergency contact information. I found it last night.”
“Okay?”
I sighed. “I just left a very angry voicemail. I don’t expect a reply.”
“Why did you call her?” Poet inquired.
“She dropped Lenni off with two suitcases and a folder of paperwork. No childhood mementos. No Christmas decorations. Nothing. Not even a photo album.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. “It pisses me off.”
“So you went all shield-maiden on her voicemail?”
I cracked an eye and looked at Poet who was gazing at me with raised eyebrows.
“Yeah, something like that.”
“Hmm.”
“What’s that mean?” I demanded.
Her smile was tender. “Mama bear.”
I snorted.
“You are,” she said. “You never would’ve done something like that for Owen.”
“It would’ve fallen on deaf ears,” I pointed out.
“Probably. But that wouldn’t have stopped you from saying it. If you’d wanted to, I mean. Why did you go to bat for Lenni? For Archer?”
I fell silent.
“Uh huh. Thought so,” Poet said.
The sliding back door opened again and both Salem and Hadley trekked out in their coats. “What’s going on out here?” Hadley demanded as she waddled off the porch.
“Just trying to clear my head,” I explained.
“Clear your head about what?” Salem asked as she took a chair.
“She’s not trying to clear her head,” Poet explained. “She’s trying to clear her heart.”
“Ah,” Hadley said with a nod.
“How’s that going for you?” Salem added.
“It’s not,” I said with a sigh. “I have a confession. I tried to quit working for Archer. Like, I really tried to quit, but he wouldn’t accept my resignation. That was why I was with him when he got the call about Lenni.”
“He wouldn’t accept your resignation?” Hadley questioned.
I shook my head.
“You didn’t fight it that hard either, did you?” Poet asked with a knowing smile.
“Good,” Salem said. “I’m glad he didn’t accept your resignation.”
“Why?” I demanded.
“You have to stay, Wyn. So we can all be together again,” Salem said.
“Forever,” Poet added. “Forever and ever.”
The sliding door to the back porch opened and Muddy stepped out. “Food’s ready!”
Thanksgiving dinner was a boisterous affair. It was crowded and loud and it made my heart swell with happiness. This was family.
We all went around the table and said what we were grateful for. When it was time for Lenni to speak, I worried for a moment. But it turned out I didn’t need to. She listed out several things. Mildred. A new comforter. Steak.
Archer and I shared a look, and he smiled. It was filled with warmth, and something more. Something deeper than desire.
Poet wiped the tears from her eyes. Brooks pulled her to him and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
We passed dishes, the animals under the table begged for scraps, and when they realized that Lenni was the soft touch, they all crowded around her feet waiting patiently.
“Fig, go lay down,” Salem commanded.
Fig removed her face from Lenni’s lap and then dutifully curled up on the mat by the sliding glass door. Tempest followed and nuzzled down next to her.
“This is like a youth hostel for farm animals,” Hadley remarked.
“Lenni needs an animal,” Jane said. “Don’t you?”
“She has Mildred,” I said. “That dog switched allegiances in an instant.”
“She even sleeps with me,” Lenni pointed out. “I didn’t even have to bribe her with treats.”
“Not forever though,” Mr. Powell said. “When Wyn leaves, Mildred will go with her.”
Jane glared at him. “Connor, really?”
“Ignore him,” Muddy said to Lenni, shooting her son a look. “He had a head injury a few months ago. Now he can’t always control what he says.”
Lenni shoved back from the table. She almost tripped over Fig in an attempt to flee. She got the back door open and ran outside, the animals trailing after her.
A gush of cold air drifted inside.
“Damn it,” Mr. Powell said, looking at Archer. “I’m really sorry about that.”
“She didn’t even take a coat,” I remarked, moving to rise.
“Eat,” Archer said. “I’ll grab her coat and meet her outside.”
He rose from his chair. After closing the back door, he stalked to the front room. A moment later, the door opened and shut.
No one said anything, but my friends kept shooting me glances.
“Happy Thanksgiving,” Mr. Powell muttered. “I really wasn’t thinking.”
“We know,” Salem said. “Where do you think I get it from?”
The teasing didn’t lighten the mood. The anger that had been simmering since my phone call came roaring back into an inferno.
I lost my appetite.
Muddy glanced at me. “Go on after them.”
“It’s not my place,” I stated.
“Like hell it’s not,” Muddy remarked.
For some reason, I looked at Brooks for direction.
He nodded.
With a sigh, I stood up and went to get my coat. And then I headed outside in search of them.
They were in the barn and Archer was saddling a mare.
“Going somewhere?” I asked.
“Trail ride,” he explained.
“Ah,” I said, reaching out and stroking the mare’s sleek nose.
“You wanna come with us?” Lenni asked me, shooting a glance at her father, who nodded.
Want . . . yes. But should I?
“Come with us,” Archer urged.
I couldn’t ignore both sets of pleading eyes begging me to join them.
“All right,” I said. “But I get to ride Mirabelle.”
Twenty minutes later, the three of us were on our mounts. The air was crisp, but the snowflakes that had fallen a few hours earlier had stopped. The sky was hazy and white.
There wasn’t much to say. What could any of us say? We all knew this was a losing battle.
I wouldn’t stay.
I couldn’t stay.
It would hurt us all too much if I tried to pretend my roots could grow with theirs.
My eyes misted as my horse followed Lenni’s. Archer brought up the rear. I looked over my shoulder at him, unable to stop myself. His gaze was somber, as if he already knew what I’d decided.
For real this time.
Lenni reined her horse to a stop when she came to the crest of a small hill. I guided my mount next to hers and then Archer brought his next to mine.
I stared out over the land. Once upon a time, men had gone west with nothing more than a direction and a dream. They’d settled wild land; land that had given them food and shelter. They’d suffered and endured to make it this far, and then they’d put down roots and stayed.
Would I ever find my place? Would I ever put down roots? Would I find deep, soul-wrenching love that I couldn’t live without?
I peered at Lenni. Her jaw was clamped shut, and in the angles of her profile I could see the adult she’d one day become. But for now, she was a child. A child who’d been dealt far too much heartache.
I couldn’t be another fracture in her young heart. Too many heartbreaks could change a person into something else. A new version of their old self, filled with bitterness where love should’ve been.
Swallowing, I backed up Mirabelle so that I could turn her. I gently kicked her sides, and she took off at a gallop. The frigid air stung and froze the tears on my cheeks. My ears burned, and blood drained from my fingers as they began to go numb.
I felt the coldness down to my marrow.
Mirabelle slowed and the other two caught up to me.
The three of us turned back toward the ranch. The ranch that wasn’t my home.
It only reminded me of what I didn’t have.
“Go eat,” Archer said to Lenni as he threw his leg over his stallion’s back and dismounted.
“You sure?” Lenni asked. “I can help brush the horses.”
“I’ve got it,” Archer said.
“I’ll help you,” I stated. To Lenni, I said, “Make sure they save me a turkey leg.”
“A turkey leg?” Lenni asked. “Why a turkey leg?”
“So I can eat it with my bare hands and pretend I really am a Viking warrior,” I quipped. “Really, Lenni. You’re missing out.”
She smiled. “I’ll try it.”
Nodding, I swung my leg over Mirabelle and dismounted.
Lenni rushed toward me and wrapped her arms around my middle, pressing her cheek to my stomach.
I couldn’t help but hug her back and gently rubbed circles between her shoulder blades.
Lenni finally let me go and then ran out of the barn. When I was sure she was gone, I turned to Archer.
“Consider this my two weeks’ notice,” I said, my tone clipped. “For real this time.”
He nodded slowly as he removed the saddle from his mount and set it aside.
“I don’t want to do it,” I added.
“Then don’t.” His eyes were liquid as he looked at me.
“I have to,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I can’t break her heart further down the road.”
“Do you have to leave?” He took a step toward me. “Stay, Wyn.”
“I can’t.” Tears filled my eyes. “Don’t you get it? I have to make a break now. Before any of us get hurt.”
His expression softened. “You love her already. I can see it in your eyes.”
“I can’t help it.”
“I know.” He paused. “Is she the only one you care about?”
I took a step back and refused to answer.
He took a step toward me.
“It’s not just about Lenni. Admit it, Wyn.”
“Please, Archer. Just let me go.”
“Tell me the truth,” he commanded.
And when I peered into his dark brown eyes, I could no longer hold back the words I’d been attempting to bury.
“I’m afraid you’ll break my heart. I won’t survive that.” My throat was clogged with suppressed emotion. “Okay?”
He stared at me for a long moment and then he nodded again. “Two weeks’ notice.”
“Two weeks’ notice,” I repeated, defeat piercing the armor of my heart. “You’ll find another nanny. I’ll move out and . . .”
“And then what? Where will you go? Back to New York?”
“Yes. After Poet’s wedding . . . after Hadley has the baby, I’ll go back.”
I’d go Upstate for a while. Hang out with my parents. Hide from the world.
Why did I keep getting myself into these messes? Why was my heart so vulnerable?
“Go eat, Wyn,” Archer said finally. “I’ve got the horses.”