4. Margot
Chapter 4
Margot
A breeze howls through the buildings, rattling the loose window panes. Ethan pulls me into his body, his warmth a comfort I’ve come to know and love over the last five years. Closing my eyes, I drag his citrusy scent deep into my lungs, hating how I compare it to Massimo’s woodsy musk.
Squeezing him closer, I exhale, wishing that we could stay here for the rest of our lives. The threat Massimo made in the car hangs heavily over my head like a guillotine, and although I want nothing more than to run away with Ethan, I can’t have his life being taken because of me.
I can’t hide the pleading note when I ask, “Promise me something?”
“For you? I’d do anything, Margot. You know that,” Ethan murmurs, his nose stroking the column of my neck as he squeezes me tighter for half a second.
I tip my head back, giving him better access. It’s easier to sink into the pleasure that dissipates the tension when he’s doing that. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t a good idea to meet here; a place we’ve fooled around in countless times. Our place . Not when I’m delivering the news I have to. But then again, I thought I was coming here to convince him to run away with me.
The reminder of our circumstance is like ice water thrown on the flames of my arousal, and I suck in a lungful of air. Tears well in my eyes and a sharp pain makes itself known in the back of my throat. I don’t want to do this . I don’t want us to end, but I have no choice. I won’t have Ethan’s blood on my hands; I won’t have anybody’s blood on my hands. And that’s the problem, no matter what I do, somebody will die and I’ll have to live with that. The only way to stop that from happening is to sacrifice myself and marry Massimo. He’s made that abundantly clear.
Leaning away from him, I tuck back the rogue curl that hangs over his forehead, my eyes remaining locked on the patch of skin visible at the base of his throat. A thickness threatens to choke me as I push out the words I have no choice but to voice.“Promise me you’ll remember how you feel about me right now. That you’ll remember you loved me.”
Ethan's hands move to hold my arms, forcing me back as he dips his gaze to search my face, his confusion evident. “What are you talking about?”
He’s usually so good at reading me, but right now, I need him to make me this promise, no questions asked. If he doesn’t, I don’t know that I’ll have the strength to speak the words I need to. Words that will stick with me for the rest of my life. Words that will save him . My eyes blur as I tear my gaze away from his.
His grip tightens, shaking me lightly. Panic sends his voice an octave higher when he says, “M? You’re scaring me. What’s going on?”
A tear slips free, followed by another, and I take comfort in his presence one final time because I know once I say what I need to, he won’t be offering me comfort. He’ll hate me.
Burying my face in his chest, I cry out, “Please, Ethan. Just say that you promise you’ll remember?”
“Okay. Okay.” He wraps his arms around me, talking into my hair. “Okay… I promise. I won’t ever stop loving you. I’ll never forget the love I feel for you. You’re it for me, Margot.”
The tin walls rattle as a gust of wind slams into the building, reminding me of the desolate location we’re in and the time limit on the task I’m still yet to complete.
Pushing out of his embrace, I swipe angrily at the tears that won’t stop. I shouldn’t have to do this. It shouldn’t be me having to give up the person I’ve loved for the last five years.He’s my first love and I know he’ll be my only love. We had plans for a future together and I can feel it being ripped from my grasp with every second that passes.
Anger swirls at my helplessness, igniting the edges like a burning sheet of paper. I hate that Josephine, Alvin, and Massimo get to dictate my life, that they can yank away my future with deadly threats.
Ethan Watkins has been my best friend since we were both in diapers. Even our moms were best friends. When Josephine married Alvin, I was fifteen, and he moved us away, out of the city and too far away from Ethan for us to see each other. We kept in touch, and when we turned seventeen, he showed up on my front porch and asked me out. For the last five years, he’s shown me what true love is, and every day of my life has been like a movie.
Up until last night .
Folding my arms across my stomach, I gaze over his shoulder. It’s an effort to get the words past my lips. “I… I can’t…” I clear my throat and nod decisively before meeting his confused yet patient gaze. “I can’t do this anymore, Ethan. I wish I could, but I can’t.”
“What?” His mouth lifts, a chuckle falling from his lips as he shakes his head. “Very funny, M.”
He reaches for me, but I take a step back, numbness creeping into my body. It’s for the best that I don’t feel a thing. I’ll go into this marriage to Massimo with my heart closed off and burning with the flames of my hatred.
“I’m sorry.” My voice is barely above a whisper. “But I’m breaking up with you, Ethan.”
I need him to believe me.
He runs his fingers through his thick chestnut brown hair and begins pacing the cracked concrete. I watch, mesmerized, as the weeds that have grown through are trampled beneath his feet. Turning toward me, with wide, glassy eyes, he pleads, “You don’t mean that, M.”
“I do mean it.” I bite down on the side of my cheek, swallowing thickly.
Ethan tips his head back before returning his gaze to me. I see the anger and confusion warring inside of him before he snaps, “No, you’re not…You’re… you’re messing with me. You just made me fucking promise to remember that I loved you and now you’re playing some sort of sick, twisted game. It’s not funny, Margot.” His words echo around us, a bite of frustration laced with panic in his tone.
I lift my chin, resting my hand on my chest to ease the tightness taking up residence. This isn’t fair . None of this is. I don’t have a choice but to hurt the one person that’s always been on my side. Either he dies and becomes another casualty of my stepfather’s mess, or I make him hate me, but he gets to live a long, fruitful life.
It’s a no-brainer .
“I’m being serious, Ethan. I can’t be with you. I don’t want this.” I wave a finger between us. “Anymore.” The conviction in my tone is surprising. This is far from what I want, but if I want him to live, I have to do this. His eyes brim with unshed tears and the hurt that falls over his expression before he turns away nearly kills me.
His voice is small and there’s a hint of resignation in his tone when he asks, “Why are you doing this?” He doesn’t even look back at me; as if it hurts him too much to see me again.
“I…” I can’t tell him the real reason, but I don’t want to lie any more than I have to. My heart is breaking too. I suck in a breath before looking at his stiff back. “I’m getting married.” That's the truth . “And I love him, Ethan.” That’s a lie .
A gasp of shock leaves him. I want to reach out, pull him close, and tell him the truth, but then he’d try to fix this and there isn’t anything either of us can do. Especially if what I know about Massimo Marino is true, and given the threat he made in the car, I know that it is.
Ethan walks away without a glance in my direction, out of the warehouse, out of danger, and out of my life. I hate every second of watching him leave. This moment will stay with me forever, etching itself into my heart like an ugly scar. I’ll never forgive Josephine for what she has asked of me, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure Massimo pays for making me do this.
But at least Ethan will be alive .
Even if I’ll never have the life I wanted.