Chapter Nine
Sailor
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't tear my gaze from Noah’s profile as we ate dinner in Benito’s room.
He was talking about his childhood, and I was fascinated by the story, yet my mind kept wandering to the shape of his jaw and the way his dark hair had gotten long enough to curl over the tips of his ears.
Where I’d assumed we would have to get dressed up and go to one of the hotel restaurants, he’d instead ordered dinner to be served in his father’s suite.
It was more intimate that way, and perhaps that was why I struggled.
“So, Vicki is bashing me over the head with her favorite doll, and Dad is laughing his ass off because I was getting exactly what I deserved.”
Benito added, “And your mother was yelling at you both to quit antagonizing each other.”
“I enjoyed Vicki’s reactions, I suppose. The beating was fair after the way I butchered her doll’s hair.” Crease lines around his mouth became more evident when he grinned, and then he turned to face me. “Maybe you should be grateful you didn't have an older brother.”
My smile wasn't nearly as full as his when I responded. “You may have fought when you were younger, but you always had each other’s backs.”
As opposed to me, who was constantly lonely.
He studied my mouth for a second before his gaze moved up to meet mine. “You’re right. Now that we’re older, I no longer take my sister for granted.”
This side of Noah confused me. Charming, friendly, not stubborn or rude. Not the menacing man he’d been a few short days ago. The attack on his house had changed his attitude toward me for the better.
“You two should go dancing,” Benito said abruptly.
My head swiveled in his direction. “I’m sorry?”
“Don't stay stuck inside these four walls with an old man. Go out and have fun.”
Pursing my lips, I glanced from him to his son. I didn't particularly want Noah touching me. “I don’t know how to dance.”
“Someone as smart as you would pick it up in no time. Besides, I don’t mean ballroom dancing with complicated steps, cara mio. Just swaying back and forth.”
Noah cleared his throat. “It’s not really advisable to go out right now. In this weather,” he quickly added.
Did he think he was fooling me? For that matter, did anyone outside this room buy his facade? Surely the world knew he was a criminal. “Honestly, I’d rather curl up with a book than step all over Noah’s toes.”
Benito smiled gently. “The nightlife is one of our city’s perks.”
It felt dangerously close to a matchmaking scheme, and panic crawled up my throat at the reminder that I was their enemy.
I couldn't afford to let my guard down for even a second. Even so, my reports since the accident had been brief and to the point. The Costas knew nothing; therefore, I knew nothing. No one had physically come to check on me to keep from blowing everyone’s cover, and that was how I preferred it.
The last thing I wanted was anyone fawning over me and my injuries.
Setting my napkin on the table, I pushed my chair back. Both men followed suit, rising when I did. The gesture made tears prick at my eyes, which I ruthlessly shoved down. “Thank you for an enjoyable dinner, gentlemen. I think I’ll retire for the night.”
Only once I’d locked the adjoining door did I breathe fully. Being in close proximity to them both kept me on high alert. Loosening my muscles, I shook out my arms and legs, bent over to stretch my back, and headed to the bathroom.
One area I planned to indulge in was the bathtub.
It was huge, so deep I could swim in it, and I couldn't wait to try the various bottles of things that my hunch told me Noah insisted the hotel provide for me. As I’d unpacked earlier, I’d found a few things tucked away to make my stay more comfortable: a robe, a sleep mask, a pair of slippers, and various toiletries.
With the water on scalding, I let it fill the tub most of the way, watching the bubbles form and float as the tub filled.
Only when it was past the midline did I twist on the cold to keep from boiling my skin off my body when I sank in.
Undressing, I left my clothes on the floor and tucked a few stray hairs behind my ears.
With a contented sigh, I lowered myself into the fragrant water, trying to relax.
Unfortunately, Noah's face was at the forefront of my mind.
I didn't just see the one from tonight, with his features softened by candlelight and easy smiles, but also the one from the day he grabbed me.
The fierce glare, the firm set of his jaw as he clenched his teeth in fury; those were unfortunately etched in my brain.
I couldn't let this kinder side of him sway me into liking him. He was cruel; a cold-blooded killer. If the feds had their way, Noah would soon be behind bars.
Where he belonged.
The only reason they’d been targeted was because they led a life ripe with rivals.
Whatever illegalities they dabbled in had turned another mafia family against them.
Whether they fought over money or power didn't matter, and I was the one caught in the crossfire.
Though I would normally paint myself as innocent, I couldn't quite call myself that when I was voluntarily in bed with the government.
Since I couldn't shut off my brain after all, I drained the tub and got out. After my bath, my skin felt like liquid silk. Smoothing on luxurious lotion with a heavenly scent, I indulged in slipping on the bathrobe with the hotel’s logo embroidered on the breast. It was as soft as I was, and I shrugged just to feel the lapels stroke across my cheeks.
A knock on the adjoining door startled me, but I hurried to open it. If Benito needed something from me—
Instead, it was Noah standing there, his hands clasped in front of him. I didn't see his father in the main room behind him, and I swallowed convulsively for a few seconds while he watched me.
“I, um, wanted to tell you I put my father to bed. He shouldn't require anything overnight, but he has his phone beside him just in case.”
My face was already flushed from the hot water, but I felt my temperature go up further.
My bun had fallen to my nape, tendrils of damp hair clinging to my neck and forehead.
The robe was fluffy, but I held the front of it in my fists to make sure no part of my chest was visible.
Suddenly, I was keenly aware of my nakedness beneath.
“Th-thank you. At least we know if he does need me, I’ll be right here.”
His rich brown eyes glowed in the lights from my room, and I couldn't help staring into them when he didn't move. The air between us thickened, and I was powerless against it. I should have bolted; I should have forced my legs to move, my hands to close the door.
When Noah reached out, I didn't recoil as I’d assumed I would if he ever came close to me in such a manner again. Instead, I stood frozen while he gently pushed the hair off my bruised temple.
“Yes, you’re right here, aren't you?”
Unsure what he meant by that, I found my voice from where it had fled. “Good night, Noah.”
Clearing his throat, he dropped his hand. “Sleep well, Sailor.”
I had a wild urge to ask him to call me Sara. That errant thought brought on a new wave of fear, and I backed up, abruptly closing the door in his face. Locking it quickly, as though I thought he’d barge through if I didn't, I turned and leaned heavily against it.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
Instead of pondering that, I put on my pajamas and got in bed. Ensuring my phone was on the nightstand in case Benito called me, I pulled the covers up to my chin and shut my eyes. I didn't expect sleep to claim me so fast, but I found myself lost in a nightmare all too soon.
My father sat in the driver’s seat, smiling over at my mother in the moonlight filtering through the heavy tint on the windows.
We’d been at my dance recital, and I was feeling proud of myself for my performance.
Daddy hadn't planned on coming, but he’d had a last-minute cancellation at work.
Afterwards, we went for ice cream, and I got to pick whatever toppings I wanted.
I remembered their banter vividly. They were clearly in love, holding hands and pecking each other’s lips when they thought I wasn't looking. But then, in the car, I saw Daddy’s face contort as the glass in front of him shattered.
My mother screamed, and the car careened off the road as another hole opened up in the windshield.
We spun and flipped, the sensation making my stomach lurch up the back of my throat as we landed upside down. With sickness in my belly, I crawled out the broken sunroof and crouched on the pavement. Smoke rose from the busted tires; shattered glass littered the road.
And their blood was everywhere.
It coated me in a red dress, dyeing my hair pink and dripping into my eyes.
I vomited over and over, until nothing was left but dry heaves.
Then, bracing myself against the startling violence, I tried to pull their lifeless bodies out of the car.
I tried to hold my hands over their wounds, but I was too small to stop the bleeding.
I was too little, too young. Over and over in my head, I heard my mother scream my name right before the car crashed.
In reality, I was the one screaming, my chest heaving and sweat pouring off my body. The pounding in my head was coming from the door between the suites, but I couldn't stand on legs gone weak.
The main door opened, and Noah rushed in. I was so disoriented, I didn't even care when he picked me up off the floor. “What the fuck?” he demanded. “Are you okay?”
“There’s so much blood,” I muttered as my legs shook. “So much blood.”
He patted my arms and back. “Where? There’s no blood, Sailor.”
“Not Sailor. I’m not good enough to fix it.”
“Fix what?”
“They’re dead because of me.”
“Sailor, snap out of it. It was just a dream.” As I babbled, he shook me. “Dr. Wentworth!"
My name filtered through the haze, and I looked up at his face in a panic. “What?” Sucking in a deep breath, I felt my eyes go wide. “What did I just say?”
“Who's dead because of you?”
My heart raced. “Sometimes I'm still stuck—there was nothing I could do—” I sucked back my stuttering words, taking a second to order my chaotic thoughts. “When I lose a patient, it hits me hard.”
“You haven't lost anyone. Dad is just fine.”
“It was a recent patient, who I lost from a pulmonary embolism.” Gulping in air, I tried to continue with my half-truth. “Mr. Miller bled out on the operating table.”
Noah ran the backs of his fingers across my cheekbone, and his proximity muddled my already bewildered brain. My breathing slowed, and I realized he sat very close to me on the bed.
“This is the second time you've picked me up,” I said softly.
“You were unconscious the last time.”
“So your dad said.”
Our eyes locked, warmth overtaking his gaze. His breath fanned out over my face as he leaned in, and I realized his fingers hadn't stopped caressing me.
Though my lips tingled in anticipation, I said, “Please don't.”
He reared back, standing so quickly I nearly tumbled forward.
My whole body trembling, I rushed to apologize. “I’m flattered, Noah, but—”
“I’m not good,” he interrupted. “You’re the most ethical person I know, and I’m the exact opposite.”
Helplessly, I watched him walk out the door. On shaky legs, I rose and followed him, making sure I flipped the dead bolt this time.
If I weren't spying on his family, would we ever be compatible?
I was a surgeon who had no life outside the hospital, and he was a criminal.
At the very least, I knew he bought and sold weapons to the Chinese.
He should be in prison, and part of my agreement was to help put him there.
If he and the other men in their organization were put away, they couldn't hurt anybody else. I’d be saving lives in a different manner.
So why did the thought cause me so much agony?
More than once in the past handful of days, my heart had been laid wide open, and Noah was right there to witness it each time.
What came out of the deepest recesses wasn't pleasant; I was always so deep in my head that I couldn't let anyone in, no matter how hard they knocked. But just the once, I’d wanted him to do whatever he was thinking, whether it was only to kiss me or if he planned to spread me out on the bed and take what he wanted. In my weakest moment, I’d envisioned having everything with a man who was untouchable.
And that was a very dangerous line of thinking.