The Werewolves #9
Maybe that's why I rushed things with Danny.
I was so ready to prove I was better than my parents and their matching Disney sweatshirts and constant needling; I didn't care that I was settling for a man who didn't love me.
On paper, I was soaring. I had my shit together; I was excelling.
I was serious. I had a proper job, with my own office.
I had an assistant. I shared her with five other people, yes, but I was going places.
All it took was one card to break for the whole house to come crashing down. My solid future was a farce. And here I am, back in my parent's house, forever destined to be their sidekick.
I'll be Braden and Keely's sidekick, too, because I'm not cut out for their life either.
I move around the kitchen, making breakfast, trying to gain some sense of normalcy.
The morning light filters in through the windows.
I pour coffee and stir the eggs. I eat at the counter, my shoulders finally dropping from my ears with the ease of the morning, then clean everything when I'm done.
Just as I'm squeezing the last drop of water from the soapy sponge into the sink, there's a knock on the front door.
I drop the sponge, head to the living room, and without checking through the window to see who it is, I stupidly swing open the door. Big mistake.
He's still cute. I hate that I notice. He gives me that shy smirk. The one that makes you feel chosen. Special. It's always paired with a slight narrowing of his eyes, the fine lines around his lips highlighting the fullness, perfect for kissing. Like he's reserved it just for you.
Then I remember: it isn't.
"What are you doing here?"
He looks down at the ground and shrugs. "You weren't answering your phone."
I let out a long, irritated sigh. "I have nothing to say to you, Danny."
"Can we talk? Just for a minute?" He looks up, hopeful. He doesn't use the smirk. No, he employs something much more dangerous. His big brown eyes grow glassy, and suddenly, his pain becomes my pain. And with all the other pain on my shoulders—
I don't have a chance to really answer, because he's somehow maneuvered me out of the way, into my parent's living room.
"Seriously, Danny, we have nothing to talk about. You should leave," I say, holding the door wide open. But there's no conviction in my voice. Not because I want him here, or because I'm at risk of taking him back.
A part of me needs to hear what he has to say. Because the last time we spoke… "You're so predictable…"
"What do you want?" I ask after closing the door, since he's made himself at home.
"Sit, please." He gestures to the other side of the pink floral couch. It's lumpy and awkward, and when I sit, the middle cushion lifts. He smirks again, looking from the shitty couch to me. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," I tell him. That's partly true.
He nods. "Good. That's good." Then he rubs his hands on his knees and lets out a heavy breath, looking around at my mother's silly knick-knacks. Still smirking. Still not getting to the point.
"Why are you here, Danny? We broke up. Remember?"
"I remember," he says, but still won't look at me. I have an urge to scooch closer, if only to hold his attention.
Which just pisses me off. So I ask, "How's Veronica?"
He stops his wandering eyes and sighs before finally looking at me. His eyes are glassy again. "She's fine. I don't know. I haven't talked to her."
I don't know how I feel about that, so I say nothing. He expects me to fill the void. I usually do. I fix everything. The awkward silence. The bills, the monotonous daily tasks. Dinners. I don't this time, and it makes him fidget in discomfort.
"Why are you here, Danny?"
"I miss you. I just… I wanted to see you. I'm sorry, I just… I needed to see you."
I lean further away, my back hitting the armrest on the couch. "Well, you've seen me."
He nods.
"Danny, for fuck's sake. What do you want? Why are you he—"
"I made a mistake."
My heart skips a beat. "What?"
"I… I fucked up. Not just about what happened with Veronica. With you, I mean. I fucked up. I'm sorry. I… I didn't appreciate you enough. Lily, you're… you deserved better than the way I treated you. I know that now. All this time without you. Jesus, I didn't know how good I had it."
His words swirl in my head, in my stomach. My vision swims, and for a moment, a brief, minuscule moment, I revel in it. It's fleeting, though, because immediately after, I remember the ass-slapping and the floral duvet wrapped around their ankles.
"Thank you for saying that."
I take a deep breath, and let his apology settle over me.
But it doesn't affect me the way it would have a few weeks ago.
In fact, it changes nothing. I come to a stand and walk over to the door, swinging it open again.
The sun beams in, and the late morning birds sing, contrasting the dark cloud hanging over us in the living room. "But I think you should leave now."
"Lily, I'm—"
"Please go, Danny. If this is why you're here, because you think you made a mistake, let me assure you, you didn't." And then, because I can't let this moment pass without nailing in the coffin, I tell Danny what surely will keep him away.
"I'm working at The Monster Playhouse, you know?
You were right. I was boring. So, thank you for pointing out my flaws so brutally, but you did me a favor.
I love my new job. I'm serving drinks and I hang out with monsters every single day.
And they are so much better at humanity than you are. They are kind. And generous."
Danny was always talking shit about monsters.
He'd weekend warrior himself on the computer, re-posting garbage memes with his friends about how they were the scourge of our society.
When we were out, if an earth monster, like a troll or a minotaur, got too close, Danny would tense up and make us stand on the other side of the room, or switch tables if possible.
Finding out I'm working at a monster pleasure house will disgust him. And it does. I can see it on his face.
"Really?" he hisses.
"Yes. So, I've moved on. Goodbye." I cross my arms and look over his shoulder, keeping my spine straight.
But then… he fucking smirks. One cheek pulling up just slightly. "Wow. That's… Lily, that's wild. So you…" he leans in close, lowering his voice. I don't know why. We're alone.
He smells of spicy citrus and pine. It's strange to smell something so familiar, to have so many emotions and memories wrapped up in a scent.
Morning kisses, after-work hugs. Years of buying his deodorant at the store when he ran out because he was incapable of remembering to get it himself.
But then his next question snaps me out of the memory rabbit-hole. "You have sex with them?"
It makes me want to smack him, especially noting the curiosity in his tone. Then again, I can relate. I think I asked Keely the same question when I started. Really? You have sex with the monsters?
Except I don't, do I? Anxiety flares, heartburn crawling up my throat from my stomach, constricting my esophagus. Everything—the smell of him, seeing him again, the werewolves last night, the bleakness this morning, the last six weeks—it all fucking crashes together inside me.
"Yes, Danny. I have sex with them. I'm very popular there. You should see me with the gnomes. Now, please leave." I step away from the door, silently praying he doesn't hear how my voice shakes. I don't like the look on his face, but I can't answer any more questions.
"See you later, Lily." Danny gives me a half-wave on his way out the door. I slam it shut, rest my back against it and slump down.
Well, that could have been worse. He could have found out the monsters don't want me at all.
Lily
Hiding out didn't help my mood or my self-esteem, and seeing Danny only made things worse.
So, I get dressed, put on some makeup, and I'm back at the pleasure house by nine the next night.
I took a rideshare because after work, I'm going to ask the twins if they want to hang out and have a drink and get myself out of this funk.
I deserve a night of wild, reckless fun.
The car drops me off right at the front door, and I quickly scurry inside.
I head to the employee break room, drop my bag in my locker, then go to the bar to help Eli.
He doesn't have to ask; we just fall into a rhythm together.
Knowing this is where I'm going to stay, I gain a little more confidence.
Eli even takes my advice and adds a little fennel to the half-kraken's mint julep, after I spent a few hours researching more about monster taste buds last night when I couldn't sleep. The kraken loved it.
My heart may not be full, but this is my groove.
It feels good. The night goes on, and with this new confidence in serving drinks and taking care of customers, I think the monsters can tell I'm feeling better.
A couple even flirt with me. And as I carry a tray of beers over to a table of gnomes, they ask if I want to stick around.
I'm fucking delighted. Using too many words, awkwardly over-explaining, I turn them down, but they wave me off and tip me well, and on my way back to the bar, I'm beaming.
I decided to stay with Eli, and I think that's for the best, but being asked for more feels amazing.
After how I felt in the lower deck, the disappointment, my attraction to the werewolves—I couldn't risk feeling like that again.
I'm happy with my decision, though. And my smile shows it. I'm so relieved and in my own head, in a good way for once, that I don't even notice Danny until he's standing directly in front of me.
I screech to a stop and hold the tray in front of me, ready to weaponize it if necessary. "What are you doing here?" I hiss.
He. Fucking. Smirks. "I just… I couldn't believe it. That you worked here. I needed to see it for myself."