2. Chapter 2 #2
I hadn’t seen Cam in years, but we’d stayed in touch, especially when Grace would pop out another kid for him.
He knew my reasons for not coming home, and he respected them, but he didn’t like it.
He’d been as close to me as a brother, all through my late teen years and early into my twenties, until the only man to truly own my heart had broken it and I’d had to leave before I dissolved into something that never mattered.
My break up with Adrian had been hard. Harder than anything I’d ever faced before, but there wasn’t a day I didn’t wish I had ignored my best friend Stacey’s text to tell me to come to the clubhouse.
She’d been acting weird with me for weeks before it.
I should have known she was up to something, but I’d believed she was my best friend.
Even though I told her I didn’t want to go to the clubhouse anymore, especially when me and Adrian fought all the time since he took over as Prez, she still insisted.
I didn’t want him to make me jealous with the club whores, because all it would do would infuriate me more and make me second guess what I meant to him.
It had taken me three years to get over him, not that I truly was, but I did my best.
It had been fifteen years since that fateful night, and I still couldn’t think about him without a funny sensation in my chest rising.
This email just brought it all back. I stood up, and clicked into a new browser, bringing up the airline website and searching for the next flight to Sydney. I had to put my fears of seeing him again to say goodbye to my oldest friend, he deserved that. I had to be strong for him.
And Grace.
God. I couldn’t imagine having four of his kids and having to do that on her own.
My eyes filled with tears as I booked my flight to Sydney for tomorrow afternoon.
I’d arrive a day before the funeral, but I didn’t want to linger too much.
I didn’t want time to miss Sydney. I needed to stay focused on London.
This was my home now.
The door to the apartment opened and I closed my laptop, probably a little too quickly, and turned around with my wine glass in my hand.
Beckett was brilliant. Smart, attractive, successful and from a good family who happened to love me, and my “cute” little accent, even if they hated my colourful hair and tattoos.
“Long day?” I asked him, noting the time was now well after dinner. I still hadn’t eaten, a habit I’d picked up recently.
“The longest,” he sighed, moving into the kitchen to wrap his arms around my waist. If only he’d known I had my hands in my pussy just half an hour ago, he’d be annoyed. “What’s for dinner?”
“Sorry, I haven’t thought about it. I’ll order in.”
Beck sighed, and stepped back, leaning against the kitchen counter where we ate our breakfast. “Again?”
“I’m sorry, Beck. I’ve…had some bad news and I just couldn’t think of going shopping. I’ll go first thing.” Before I left. I didn’t know how to bring that little nugget up. He hated that I was once connected to a MC in Sydney, and that I’d grown up poor. My history was always a contentious topic.
“Fine,” he sighed. “I suppose I could go for some Chinese.”
I nodded, smiling. “I’ll order from Hong’s. You know they’re the fastest.”
Beck moved to sit down at the couch, tossing my kindle over to the other side of the couch and taking a seat where I’d been lounged before.
Quickly, I made our usual order and poured him a glass of wine before I joined him on the couch.
I sat in the corner he had tossed my kindle and proceeded to flick it open, remembering the hotter than sin sex scene that had me coming all over that seat Beck was now sitting on.
I tried to hide the smirk but it was hard.
“Don’t you want to watch TV?” he asked me. “Or are you going to be anti-social and read your bullshit fantasy crap.”
I took a deep breath and closed my kindle, scooting closer toward him.
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in close.
It was uncomfortable for me, but it’s what he liked after working so I’d indulge him until the Chinese got here.
He flicked onto the news, and watched the misery that was going to come from it.
My thoughts kept going back to Cam, or Camo, as he was called by the MC.
Would I see him there?
Of course I would, he was Cam’s oldest friend, and he was his President of the MC. Question was, how was he going to feel with me showing up after all these years?
I glanced down at the ring on my finger, the big, gaudy diamond that was far too big for me.
I couldn’t bear to tell Beck that I didn’t like it.
It obviously cost a bomb and I should be grateful.
I thought about all the things I had wanted after I left Adrian and never did I think I’d want to get married again.
Beck had stuck with me the longest, and I knew I wasn’t the easiest to put up with.
I had insane moments of hormonal attitude and jealousy that was off the charts.
Adrian had known how to quell the dark thoughts, usually with sex, but I’d never felt unsafe with him. It wasn’t the same with Beck. I loved him, sure, but it wasn’t the insane need to see them to breathe, kind of love I had with Adrian.
We were crazy for each other.
It had been too much for us.
Part of me was glad for what he’d done, because it meant I could have an excuse to leave.
To breathe.
The doorbell chimed and I made a move to get up to answer it when I felt Beck grab me and kiss me, his tongue snaking into my mouth in a way I was sure he thought was sexy, but it just felt…like a worm trying to invade.
“Hurry back.”
I offered him a smile, and moved toward the door to grab our dinner.
The deliveryman from Hong’s bowed low when he handed the food over and I closed the door behind me.
Setting up on our kitchen counter, I poured his meal out into a bowl and set out his chopsticks as well as my own.
I was an eat out of the plastic tub kind of girl, but Beck hated it, so I dirtied dishes just so he would leave it alone.
Beck finally joined me, his attention on the TV, as we ate our meal in silence. I looked over at my laptop, my mind on the flight tomorrow. How did I bring it up when Beck was clearly in one of his moods?
We finished our meal and I got up to clear the dishes when Beck stood in the kitchen regaling me about his day at work. It honestly sounded so boring, but he seemed to enjoy it so I pretended to care, making all the sounds I was supposed to.
“Actually,” he said, pushing off the counter and moving to my laptop. I had disassociated from the conversation long enough to forget that I needed to close my browsers down, but I couldn’t get to it fast enough. Beck paused on the airline browser, his face a mask of untold expression. “Roxana.”
His eyes latched onto mine, and I could see the hurt in them.
“Beck, I didn’t want to upset you. I knew you had a hard day at work, but I’ve received word that an old friend of mine had died and I want to go back for the funeral, for his partner.”
“It’s not about that. Of course I would want you to return for that, but why did you not book me a ticket with you?”
“Oh,” I replied, wondering the same thing. “Well, it was…you have that big merger coming up, you’re stressed. I didn’t want to add to that. I’ll be home the day after.”
“This is important enough for you to book a flight without telling me, then I should be there with you.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea you come, Beck.”
He looked as if I’d slapped him. “Why not?”
“Cam was…a part of that life. You’d be walking into a MC funeral.”
“I see,” he said, closing my laptop as if it had offended him. “And that doesn’t bother you? To walk into a MC funeral after all these years?”
“No, they were my friends once, and still are. I used to talk to Cam all the time, and Grace, his wife.”
I don’t know why I felt the need to add that in. Grace and I were friendly, sure, but it was Cam who I was friends with.
“Look, I’m just after your best interests, Roxana. I don’t think you should go back to that life, even if it’s just for a funeral. They have links to watch funerals online now.”
It hurt for him to say it, it hurt more that I was close to agreeing with him, and looking to refund my ticket.
I thought of Cam, and what he would have wanted. “My mind is made up, Beck. I’m going.”
He nodded, but I could see the disappointment on his face. It hurt my chest to be the one to do that. “If you’re going back to that world, I expect you to call me every day, and you’re to come home right after. I don’t want you being lured into that world of debauchery again.”
“I already booked my return ticket.”
Beck kissed my mouth hard, which was unlike him. “Good. Now clean up and come to bed. If you’re leaving tomorrow, I best be getting a going away present.”
I forced a smile onto my face and watched him walk down the hall.
I lied.
I lied to his face.
I don’t know why, but I had actively only bought a single ticket, and lied to my fiancé about it.