4. Chapter 4
Rox
I could feel his eyes on me.
Harsh. Visceral. Carnal.
There had always been an intensity when it came to Myth, or as I knew him, Adrian. I’d always hated his road name, putting him under more pressure to be as tough as his dad. It was what caused us to have problems.
Every instinct in my heart told me to turn around, to seek him out, but my head was screaming to ignore it. I was here for Cam, not Adrian.
My eyes remained on the photo in front of me. Cam was smiling in it, that shit-eating grin that always made you smile. It showed how cheeky he was, how he was always that one you could pick up the phone and call because he would always be there, no matter the time, no matter the problem.
I held my head back, looking up at the ceiling, keeping the tears in my eyes.
Guilt flooded through me as I heard Grace sniffle from the front pew, in front of me.
She had her two eldest kids on either side of her, holding her hands, while the youngest two were being babysat by one of the girls from the clubhouse.
Even her two kids with her were too young to be here.
I could see the way Cam’s son, CJ, was trying to keep it together for his mum and sister, how his bottom lip wobbled a bit before he corrected himself.
His eyes were red, and puffy, but he sat up straight.
God, what a champ. Cam would be so proud right now.
The solid tear escaped from my eye and slid down my cheek.
I swept at it quickly and focused on what the chaplain was saying.
Graves was his road name. He joined the club around the same time as Adrian joined as a prospect.
I heard he’d joined the army and been ordained during the time I’d been gone, rejoining the club once he retired.
As he recounted Cam’s life, I found myself smiling at some of the memories brought forth, followed by an overwhelming sadness that we’d never laugh about those memories together again.
A montage of his life showed up on the screen behind Graves as he stepped down to watch it himself.
Photos flashed of his childhood, him and his brother Lucas, in happier times, then photos of him and Adrian as they grew up, and there, a photo of me, Adrian and Cam, thick as thieves.
I felt the sob before I heard it, and I bit down on my bottom lip to stop myself from making a sound.
Looking down at my hands in my lap, I waited for the montage to end, blocking out the sad song blaring throughout the chapel.
Fuck.
I zoned out for the rest of the funeral, unable to process the anxiety at seeing memories of better times flash across the screen.
“Rox?”
I looked up to see Grace looking down at me, with a soft smile. CJ was smiling at me too. There’d been so many times he would sneak into his dad’s mancave to say hi to me on video call. He looked so much like Cam now, a junior version of the man, and it made my heart ache.
“I’m sorry,” I offered, my voice cracking with emotion.
“Don’t be sorry, I wish I could have zoned out like that too,” Grace said, pulling me into a tight hug when I stood up.
I had to admit, it felt great to be held as tightly as she did.
CJ wrapped his arms around my waist, and I held onto him as well.
Somehow, I kept my sobs at bay, and disconnected from them.
“Thank you for coming all this way,” she said. “Cam would have been so happy you came home.”
I nodded. “I couldn’t not be here. I’m just sad I couldn’t see him one more time before–”
Grace smiled. “But you’re here now. How long are you here for?”
“I don’t know. I only really had one thing on my mind.”
Grace nodded. “Make sure you come say goodbye properly when you do decide to leave.”
“Of course.”
Grace moved off with her kids in tow to speak to other mourners. I glanced around at the emptying chapel. Pallbearers were helping with the casket, taking it out of a side entrance. I knew what would happen now.
It was a MC tradition.
The boys would ride out with the casket, and take it to Cam’s last resting place, protecting him on the ride for the last time. It was a tradition I liked. It was respect for their fallen brother.
My eyes travelled to the few people still in the chapel, and that’s when my heart thudded hard in my chest when I locked eyes with him. Adrian.
Myth.
God. He was so fucking gorgeous. Even after all these years. His face held no expression, no relief at seeing me, no anger that I was here.
Nothing.
And for some reason, that hurt more than anything else.
I shifted my eyes back toward the double doors and headed that way, my head held high. Adrian didn’t get to dictate my feelings anymore.
Why then did I feel the need to take a deep, centering breath once I got outside and run around the corner of the building, out of sight, in case he came out here?
Myth
The second her eyes connected with mine and she took that little gasp of breath, I knew. She was mine. She’d always been mine.
She may have come here for the funeral, to say goodbye to Camo, but she’ll never be returning back to her life in London.
Boyfriend or not.
I’d kept my emotions in check, not showing her how badly I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and throw her onto the back of my bike.
Where she belonged.
I watched as she hightailed it out of the chapel. Her tight skirt did little to cover those thick thighs, covered in tattoos, fishnet stockings covering them, and knee high boots. She wore a nice shirt that covered her generous-sized boobs, respectable with no cleavage.
Her hair was tied up in a bun, hiding her vibrant hair dye, but I saw glimpses of it when she had bowed her head down to look at her hands.
The amount of times I had almost gone over to sit next to her, pull her into my arms, was almost criminal.
Thankfully, I was too much of an asshole to show my men that I was weak for her.
Even after all this time.
But seeing her again.
Nah, that fucked me good. I was resolute in my plans though. I was never going to let her leave Sydney again.
She was mine.
“Let’s move out,” I ordered Fang and Menace.
They left the church ahead of me, and once I was outside, I threw my sunglasses on, but I couldn’t see her.
Most of the mourners had gone already. They weren’t involved in the Last Ride, so they had no need to stay here.
The official wake would take place at Grace’s house, and then the party at the clubhouse would start at eight.
Fuck, Rox still had me rock hard for her, even just from that one look. I knew it then, and I know it now. She has always been it for me.
I just had to make sure she couldn’t get on a plane back to London before I convinced her that her place was by my side, and in my bed.
Rox
From where I stood at the corner of the chapel, I could see Myth walking down to the row of bikes parked along the driveway. He looked so good. I felt comfortable checking him out when I knew he wasn’t looking, but I knew it wouldn’t do too good on my heart when I left.
It was better this way.
They all sat on their bikes, the loud engines of their Harleys revving in the otherwise quiet suburb we were in.
“Hey there, little troublemaker.”
I spun and came face to face with Fang. Myth’s best friend and his VP. His cocky little smile told me he’d caught me checking Adrian out.
“Levi.”
“Oh, darlin’, you know I don’t go by that anymore.”
“You’ll always be Levi to me.”
“Why you spyin’ on the Prez? You want some alone time with him?”
“God no,” I spat out quickly. Too quickly. His grin got wider and he chuckled as he boxed me up against the wall.
“Liar,” he said, softly, in my ear. “Come to the wake.”
“No.”
“It wasn’t a request,” he offered. “Camo would have wanted you there.”
“That was low, even for you.”
He pushed off the wall, lowered his shades and shrugged. “I use what I gotta to get what I want. Come on, Rox, we miss you around here. One night isn’t going to kill you.”
Maybe it would be good for me. A way to show me that I was no longer in this world. That I didn’t belong. It wouldn’t take long for Myth to find a girl to bury his cock in and I’d be left to my own devices.
Why then did it burn inside when I thought of him being with someone else? It had been fifteen years, why did I care?
“All right.”
He nodded. “See you there.”
“Lev–Fang?”
He had made a move to leave, to head down to the bikes, when he turned around. “No, Rox. There’s never been anyone else, but you.”
How the hell did he know what I was going to ask?
Why did I want to ask that?
I was happy in London. I would return there after tomorrow, after I said goodbye to Grace. Right?
Fang ran down to his bike, and peeled out of the church parking lot, Myth at the front, and the boys all falling into formation, before the hearse was driven out, leaving me standing here alone, feeling like an absolute lovestruck fool.
This was going to be the worst decision of my life. But Fang was right. Cam would have wanted it this way. I just hoped Myth stayed the hell away from me.
I didn’t think I would survive him a second time.