Chapter Sixteen #3
That explained so much. It explained the feeling of being pulled out of herself like a taut rubber band, why she fell so hard and fast without even realizing that she had, why she loved him without having a solid reason, why she was so willing to believe he was a werewolf without real confirmation.
She just did. It was like breathing, as natural as everything that grew around them.
She couldn’t blame it solely on him either. He said the mating bond could only be formed if the feelings were mutual. Had she loved him when they first kissed, without even realizing it? Thinking hard, she knew she had. She’d loved him all along and that scared the shit out of her.
“What about that thing that happened at the house, when you were holding me? I felt … It was like that day at the festival when you came up to my table and helped Madison. Just this wash of … total peace. Like a warm hug on the inside. I know it sounds corny, but I don’t know how else to describe it.
You used that to help Madison calm down, and you did the same with me. So, that’s not the mating bond, right?”
“That’s not the mating bond. That was something every wolf shifter possesses. We call it dominance.” He jerked his head toward the path and Erica found herself walking again, this time a little more slowly.
“Part of dominance,” Dominic continued, “is like intimidation. I use it on other shifters to make them obey. The other part of dominance, in a traditional setting, is used to calm down someone if they’ve gone feral.”
“Kind of like how I was.”
Dominic squeezed her hand. “Kind of. I used dominance on Madison to help her get a hold on her senses again. I used it on you to help calm your nervous system. It helps in any situation where one is completely out of control or unable to regulate their own emotions. Through the mating bond, I can feel what you feel, but it doesn’t explain why you’re feeling a certain way.
I’ll know you’re sad, but it’s up to you to tell me why. ”
Silence settled between them, and she knew it was her turn to share.
Though, how could she possibly order her thoughts after being told that she was spiritually tied to Dominic?
What could beat that? How would that shape their future?
Would they have to tear themselves apart the way that her parents did?
“It just feels like everything I’ve ever known is …
is just … not quite a lie. It still happened.
My mom and I still struggled, but it could have been avoided all this time.
I could have had a family. I might have had brothers or sisters.
We wouldn’t have had to live off of food stamps for those first few years. ”
“But those struggles made you who you are today.”
Erica huffed. “Yeah, a little stubborn nutcase who needs a straitjacket.”
Dominic chuckled. “No. You’re a strong-willed, independent woman and that’s what I admire about you.”
His compliment made her stomach flutter in a happy way.
“It just feels like my whole foundation is shifting out from underneath me, and I can’t get my footing. I always worshiped my mom for being so brave, but now … I almost want to resent her for what she put us through. It could have been so much easier.”
Dominic donned a thoughtful look. “Well, look at it this way. Would it have been easier to hear them argue? Would it have been easier to see your dad leave in the middle of the night? What about being put second to his pack? How would that have made you feel?”
Before she could stop herself, she said, “Probably how I’ll feel in a few months after being with you.”
That was low, and she knew it. That’s why she slipped her hand from his grasp to punish herself for such a remark. Dominic only stepped in front of her and blocked her path. For a minute, she wondered if they’d have their first big fight.
He didn’t argue. He didn’t snap back with a retort like she expected. Instead, he looked down at her, blue eyes pleading for some explanation for why she would say such a hurtful thing.
Erica lowered her gaze to the stretch of dirt between their feet. “You’re right … I suppose growing up the way I did might have been no better than growing up with parents who couldn’t get along … It doesn’t make me feel any less like an orphan right now.”
Dominic reached out and took her arms in such a gentle hold that she knew he wasn’t hurt by what she’d said anymore. He only cared for her. Damn it, why did he have to be so great? For just one moment, she wanted him to be something other than perfect.
“You’re not an orphan. You still have Cole, and I know how much he wants to be part of your life now.”
She lifted her eyes. “Did you know he was my dad before I did?”
Dominic paused, mouth open like he didn’t want to admit the truth, but he knew he had to. “I learned it just last night before I came over. He told me.”
“Did you plan on telling me?”
He shook his head. “It wasn’t my place to tell you. If he didn’t want you to know, then I wasn’t about to spoil it … How did you find out anyway?”
They began to walk on the trail again, and Erica told him about the box and the collection of pictures she’d found of Cole and her mom before the split.
“They just looked so happy in the pictures,” she said. “But I know well enough that smiles can always be faked … I just wish I knew when everything started to go downhill.”
“Maybe one day,” Dominic replied thoughtfully, “you can talk to Cole about it, and he can give you more details. For now, you need all the time you can to process and come to terms with these things so they won’t tear you up inside.”
Erica shifted her shoulders uncomfortably at the thought of facing Cole again. “Where do you get all this infinite wisdom from? Is it from being a shifter?”
He smirked as they approached a fork in the path. “No. I’ve had to watch my dad mediate and counsel so many people in my life in different situations. I’ve been able to glean a little from it, but I still have a lot to learn.”
“And here I thought it was a wolf-shifter-alpha thing. Both you and Cole seem to instinctively know the right thing to say.”
He only shrugged. “We say what’s in our hearts. We’re a pretty candid bunch. That can be good or bad.”
“I can imagine.” Erica was surprised that she could feel so unburdened once more, just by talking it all out. “That must be why you have to leave so often. A lot of fights because someone said the wrong thing?”
Dominic sighed. “Sometimes … Other times, fights break out over conflicts of rank or dominance. Alphas can challenge one another for control over a territory. That’s one of the reasons some packs come to Tolstone.
Other times, a beta or lower-ranking pack member may want to become alpha, but that hasn’t happened in a long time. ”
Erica shook her head in disbelief. “It sounds so complex, like there’s a whole social order behind it all.”
“In a way, there is. I guess I’ve been in it for so long that I know all of its nuances and don’t think about it so much.”
An idea came to Erica’s mind. “Is the mating bond the reason I’m so chill about all of this? I mean, wouldn’t any other sane person be freaked over learning about shifters? Hearing you talk about all of this doesn’t faze me like I thought it would.”
Dominic looked thoughtful. “Maybe it is the mating bond. I’ve never had to tell anyone about shifters, so I don’t know what a typical reaction might be.” He squeezed her hand again. “Maybe the mating bond is helping your mind to accept the information a little better than it normally would.”
That wasn’t too encouraging, though it did explain the last couple of days.
If her parents shared the mating bond, then why couldn’t her mother have accepted her father’s role as alpha?
Maybe what Dominic said earlier was the more likely case, that her parents never shared the mating bond at all.
If they didn’t, then perhaps there was hope for her and Dominic after all.
They had one advantage that her parents didn’t.
The mating bond also explained another change in Erica.
Since their kiss, since their hot night of sex, she no longer held so tightly to her desire to do it all herself.
It was as if being so spiritually connected to someone else released her from the consuming hyper-independence that marked her adult life.
For the first time in what seemed like forever, she didn’t mind the idea of having someone to catch her if she fell.
Dominic was her partner, someone to help and not hinder.
The mating bond convinced her that it was okay to need someone else so strongly.
It wasn’t a weakness. It was a safety net.
“You might want to get your camera ready.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant, but when they rounded the bend in the path and she heard the slapping of water against a rocky shore, she understood.
Up ahead was a lake, its waters a dark blue, almost black.
The opposite shore must have been at least half a mile away, maybe more.
It was just as spectacular as Jade Lake, but untouched by development.
Erica left Dominic and rushed to the sandy edge where boulders had been carefully lined up to keep the tide from washing up onto the path.
She lifted her camera and went to work, angling it in just the right way to bring out the raw natural state.
Once more, Dominic was right. Getting away from Tolstone and exploring someplace new refreshed her spirit, just a little.
It was like she had pushed the reset button on her heart.
Still, that mating bond purred within her, the only thing that couldn’t be affected.
She wanted that to be the only thing left when they went back to town.
It would be the solid foundation she would rebuild upon, and she was thankful to finally have a name and reason behind its existence.
Behind her, Dominic only watched and waited.
Could he feel the slight thrill that photography gave her?
Or how forever capturing this beauty made her just a little happier than she was before?
Erica turned and saw him smiling, his dark hair tousled by the wind that blew in from the lake, and blue eyes squinted against the bright sunlight that danced off the water.
She whipped up her camera to snag a candid shot. It wasn’t her first photo of him, but certainly the best by far. This one wasn’t taken in secret, and for the first time, she had tangible proof of his happiness with her. Proof of his love.
He hadn’t said it directly. Still, she felt it, deep in her soul. Through the mating bond, she assumed. The picture was to capture that moment, to remind her of that feeling for, hopefully, years to come.
She wasn’t sure if she could say it out loud in return. She’d never had to with anyone. Earlier that morning, she had realized her true feelings, but that didn’t make it so easy for her to actually say it.
She loved a werewolf. Sometimes, she was able to forget about all of that.
Especially in moments like this, when he seemed so approachable, so human and unlike the monsters of myth and legend.
There were still so many things she didn’t understand about who and what he was, but deep in her soul that was so positively linked with his, she knew that she wanted to spend every moment they had left together to learn all about him and the wolf shifters.
With Dominic, she could forget about her past and forget about her parents.
She could easily forget her own pain when he stood there, strong and unshakable.
If she could just hold on to this feeling, capture it and keep it safe like a photograph, then maybe they wouldn’t fall apart like her parents did.
Just maybe, everything would be all right.