Chapter 9
ALPHA JASPER
Jasper is pacing the length of his room, stressed as hell.
“I’m not ready,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s too soon. I don’t . . . I don’t know how to lead.”
From my spot on the edge of his bed I long to step into his path and stop the relentless back-and-forth, but I’m also worried he’ll mow me down if I get in his way. Maybe he needs a moment to let off some of his anxious energy.
Down the hall his father lies unconscious. Melissa and Jodie are in there with him now. Meanwhile, Jasper has just learned that he must step into his father’s place at the head of the pack.
“I know it’s scary,” I say. “But this is what your dad’s been preparing you for your whole life, isn’t it?”
He pauses briefly to stare at me, a mix of fear and confusion furrowing his brow.
“Jasp, it’s a lot. I’m not saying it isn’t, but if anyone is going to lead this pack I’m glad it’s you. No one cares about this pack and its people as much as you do.” I know this because it was Jasper’s sense of duty that kept us apart for so long.
“It would be one thing if this was happening during peacetime”—he runs a tense hand through his hair—“but right now we’re under attack from the biggest danger the Elite Pack has ever faced. How am I supposed to make the right decisions? What if I mess it up? What if people get hurt?”
Now I do stand, because Jasper’s face is red, his eyes are unblinking. He could scream or burst into tears at any moment.
“Jasp.” I grab him and pull him to me. “These fears are what will make you a good leader. You’ll make the right decisions because you want the best for everyone.” He relaxes ever so slightly, leaning into my hug. “Besides, you’re not alone. I’m here, Salazar is here, Aisha—”
Jasper snorts. Oh right, I almost forgot. Things have been tense between Jasper and Aisha since she decided to retire from pack life. Not like a complete cold war, but definitely chilly.
“You’re not alone, is what I’m saying.” I’m trying desperately to course correct.
“And it’s okay you’re freaked out. You’ve just experienced this enormous trauma and now this .
. . Anyone would crumble, and you can, with me, fall to pieces and I’ll help you pick them up.
But when we walk out that door you need to know: You’re ready, you’ve been ready, and despite the awful, awful fucking circumstances, you’re going to be an amazing leader. ”
He pulls his head back to look at me.
In other circumstances he might have made some quip about how insightful I’ve become, but right now Jasper is too broken. He presses his forehead against mine.
“Thank you,” he says quietly, his breath warm on my lips.
“I’ve got you. I’m here.”
We kiss, a sort of pained but necessary kiss, one that says We’ll face the oncoming shit show together. A sentiment that sends a needle of pain to my heart.
Salazar knocks and sticks his head through the door.
“The council is ready for you, Jasper,” he says, holding the door open, waiting.
“You’ve got this,” I whisper one more time, squeezing Jasper’s arms. “Mind-link me when you’re done.”
He takes a deep breath, holds his head high, and leaves.
As he steps out of the room, I can’t help but think that in a way Jasper is stepping into his destiny.
Sure, it’s overshadowed by a tragedy, and yes, it’s stupidly premature, but it’s what he was made for, what he’s been training and devoting his whole life to.
I watch him leave, and while I feel for him, I know he’s going to be a freaking stupendous alpha.
It’s late by the time I get home. Dad picks me up from the station at Stony Point and thankfully he doesn’t try to interrogate me in the car. He lets me rest my head against the window and sit in silence. Maybe I look as tired as I feel.
Despite it being summer, the overcast day has turned into a cool rainy night and the house feels like a cozy haven among the downpour.
Mom is in the living room when we arrive, her feet tucked under her on the sofa.
She’s holding a book as if she’s reading but looking over it as we stroll in from the hall.
“How are you, kiddo?” Mom asks.
I blow air through my lips and try to think of a way to answer that. Dad wraps a comforting hand over my shoulder.
“It’s okay, you don’t need to tell us now,” he says.
“Thanks,” I mutter. “I might just head to bed if that’s okay?”
“Of course.” Mom shuffles forward like she wants to get up, maybe hug me or fix me a sleepy-time tea, or run me a bath.
“It’s okay,” I say, gesturing for her to stay where she is. “I’m okay. Just need to decompress. Keep reading your book.”
She drops it heavily in her lap. “I’ve not made it past the first page. My eyes just can’t seem to focus. It’s all so horrible.”
I nod because I get it. There’s a palpable sense of anxiety in my gut that I’m sure is in my mom’s and dad’s as well. With the alpha out of action, I’m sure everyone in the pack is feeling it.
“Jasper, has to . . . He has to take his dad’s place, while he’s unconscious.”
Dad shakes his head gently. “That’s a serious burden.”
“Yeah, so, I’ll probably go back into the city tomorrow.”
“You’ve got school, kiddo.” I shoot Mom a look that causes her to flinch. From the way she said it, sort of quiet, half-assed, I don’t think she actually thought for one second I’d be heading off to class in the morning.
“I’ve got all the credits I need to graduate,” I say. “This is more important now.”
“Of course,” she says. “You’re right.”
“Why don’t you get some sleep, buddy?” Dad gestures to the stairs with his head, letting me off the hook.
“Yeah, I will.”
I turn to go but Mom stops me as I reach the arching entry to the hall.
“Maxie, one more thing,” she says. “Of course I don’t pretend to understand how it all works but have you thought about how you could use your abilities to help people right now? You know, the whole blood-wolf thing. Maybe you could help lift everyone’s spirits?”
She means well. So I force the little ball of anger that’s risen hot and spluttering into my throat back down.
“Yeah,” I say. “I’ve thought about it.”
Katie comes by in the morning with iced coffees and donuts from our favorite local café. She knocks on my door before I’ve gotten up. Bleary-eyed and stiff, I sit up in bed.
“Come in.”
“Hey,” she says, stepping in and leaving the door open so some light can penetrate my cave. “How are you?”
“I’m okay.” That’s all I seem to be able to say. “Didn’t really sleep much, so, this is very needed.”
She hands me a coffee. “I got the kind you like.” She drops a white bag on my knees, grease turning the paper translucent. “The one with the grape jelly.”
“You’re an angel.”
Without needing to ask she crawls over me, her legs draping across mine, and leans on the wall.
“You mind if I open this?” she asks, already reaching to draw back the curtains. Sunlight floods the room, blinding me momentarily.
For a time we sit quietly. I sip my coffee but can’t quite muster the appetite for a donut.
“That was pretty scary the other night,” she says finally. “How is—do you know what’s going on? Is the alpha—?”
“He’s unconscious,” I say. “They said because of blunt force trauma and a mix of other things. I don’t know what that means for him but . . . nothing good.” I lift my head and catch Katie staring back at me, this sort of desperate hope on her face. “They don’t know if he’ll wake up.”
She lifts a hand to her lips, holding it there, trembling slightly.
“And that means, Jasper . . .” She doesn’t finish the sentence.
“Yep.”
“Oh Max.” Her eyes are full of sympathy as she shakes her head. “I’m sorry. And what about you, how are you holding up?”
A shrug is all I can muster.
“That’s not important right now. Apparently, Walter Bridgers has been amassing some sort of conglomerate of packs to unite against us. He wants to take us down.”
“You mean . . . ?”
“I mean if we can’t figure something out, Walter will attack us with the biggest wolf army ever formed in our history. We’ll be at war. And Jasper is our commander in chief.”
Katie drops the hand holding her donut into her lap. Must have lost her appetite too.
“And if you actually want to know how I feel, I feel like a complete asshole,” I say, head dropping to my chest.
“Wait, why?” she asks.
Lifting my chin, I gesture at my desk, where a letter sits open.
“Is that . . . ?” she asks.
“I got in,” I say. “To CalArts.”
“I thought you were happy going to NYU?”
“I am. But . . .”
Recognition dawns on Katie’s face. “You were happier to get in there.”
“Bingo.”
“And I’m guessing you haven’t told Jasper?”
Shame floods my chest, and I shake my head.
It wasn’t as if I was planning on keeping my acceptance into one of the most prestigious fine arts programs in the country a secret, it just never seemed like the right time to bring it up.
“I wanted to tell Jasp in person, but he only just got back from Cambridge and then we had the party and now all this. I never got the chance.”
“He’d be happy for you, wouldn’t he?”
“Maybe.” The paper of the donut bag tears easily, trapped between my fingers. “But it would mean at minimum another three years of being long-distance, and even with our mind-link that’s a really long time.”
“Sure, but he’d want you to go where you want.”
“Normally, but now . . .” With things as they are and Jasper needing me more than ever, there’s no way I could abandon him to go to college all the way across the country. I shrug. “Hey, maybe there’ll be a war and we’ll all be enslaved by Walter Bridgers, and it won’t matter.”
Katie clutches at my knee on top of the comforter. “Don’t think like that.”
“Whatever.” I continue to tear at the bag, dropping little shards of torn-up paper onto the comforter. “I can’t say anything to him right now, not while he’s dealing with everything.”
“You’ll find the right time,” she says. Again, we sit quietly. Then Katie looks up, her voice coming out breathy and quiet. “Do you really think there’s going to be a war?”
I bite my lip. And do my best to smile.
Neither of us so much as takes a bite of our donuts.