Chapter 31
ONE NIGHT AT THE END OF THE WORLD
Outside, the bonfire rages. Soldiers and healers sit on logs in a circular formation around the blazing heap in the center. The officers are emerging from the dining hall to join them.
Meandering through the crowds with the heat of the fire on my face, I think about Tobias’s insistence on Jasper’s and my marking ceremony.
From the outside the timing couldn’t be worse.
We’re on the eve of the biggest wolf battle since the Wolf Wars—I think, history was never my strong suit—but, whatever, it’s bad.
Everyone out here is doing their best to have a good time, to enjoy this one last night before the world is set aflame like the pyre to my right.
But the air is heavy with dread and anticipation.
Then again, I start to wonder as I curve around the bonfire, looking for a familiar spot to land, even if Tobias’s intentions are misplaced, maybe there is something to his request. Jasper and I are about to face a kind of trouble we’ve never encountered before, and while we’ve gotten past the trials thrown our way in the past, this one is different, bigger—it seems more monumental than ever––and our survival is not guaranteed.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to make a statement about how we feel about each other before we’re potentially ripped apart.
Maybe I should say yes.
Finally, I spot a familiar face, well, actually, two familiar faces.
Mason and Omar are sitting together, with a single blanket draped over their knees, talking and smiling.
Mason is chatting Omar’s ear off, telling some story that, judging from Omar’s overt reaction, is incredibly hilarious.
Omar even nudges Mason with his shoulder to make him stop so he doesn’t suffocate from laughter, the nudge turning into a lean until Mason’s and Omar’s arms are pressed together.
Mason leans back smiling, notices something, an eyelash or a speck of ash maybe, on Omar’s cheek and he whisks it away with a gentle caress.
Things are going well for them it seems, which makes my chest feel a little lighter.
If their recent pairing can do this much for my state of mind, what would Jasper’s and my marking ceremony do for the entire pack?
I don’t want to interrupt them, they look so freaking cute and cozy, so I wander on.
A little further around the circle I spy Katie, sitting between Todd and Simon. The three of them look less jovial than the newlyweds I just walked by, they’re leaning close together, watching the fire, steely expressions on all of their faces, highlighted by the dancing flames and shadows.
But in her lap Katie is holding hands with both of her mates. They’re a solid unit. Ready to face whatever comes next.
Katie looks up as I pass and gives me her best encouraging smile. I tilt my head in response and shoot her a wink. I don’t want to disturb their moment either, so I continue on.
Somewhere beyond the circle, I spy Mia and Olivia over by the tree line, Mia is standing in front of Olivia, the latter’s arms wrapped around her mate, both staring at the blaze.
It seems everyone is with their someone, either trying to make the most of this night, or contemplating the battle ahead.
Lastly, I spy Aisha, and unlike everyone else, she’s alone.
“Mind if I join?” I say, already cozying up to her on her log.
To my right, a couple of soldiers are acting a little drunk, they have their arms on each other’s shoulders and are singing and swaying. Somehow their drunken chorus only adds to the weird malaise of emotions and expressions swirling around this night.
“Jasper busy?” Aisha asks.
I nod. “Last-minute strategy meeting.”
We sit quietly.
“You think we can win this thing?” Aisha asks after a long while.
I stare into the fire, the heat almost too intense against my cheeks.
“We have to,” I say. Then, after a beat, “Do you think you and Troy will get married someday?”
She sits up straighter and turns to look at me like I’ve just turned purple.
“That’s what you’re thinking about right now?”
I shake my head. “No, yeah, I guess, all this just has me thinking about the future.”
She lowers her gaze and her tone. “There’s plenty future to come, Max.”
“I hope so.”
We both turn back to the fire, and I think the conversation is over until Aisha starts talking again.
“It’s real easy to make decisions based on fear when things are as uncertain as they are now.
But whatever you are thinking of doing”—she turns to me again, her expression nothing but that of an amazing friend, wanting the best for me—“just promise to make sure it’s for the right reason and not because of external pressure, okay? ”
I smile. “I promise.”
For a second I feel a little more relaxed, I even sigh and lean back.
“You know, you’ve been giving good advice since we met here like two years ago.”
She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty smart so . . .”
“Oh yeah.” I nod along. “And like crazy modest.”
“Uh-huh.”
Again, we fall quiet, both grinning at our little back-and-forth, but slowly letting those grins fade.
“I am really glad we met though,” Aisha says, more seriously now. “Even if this whole camp gives me the tingles.”
I bump our shoulders together. “Me too.”
After that we don’t say much else, just stare into the fire.
More soldiers have joined in the song those two drunk guys were butchering, and as the camp quietens the singing rises.
Soldiers stand side by side, singing, letting their voices unite them.
Their music rises with the swirling smoke of the fire, twisting into the sky, and maybe, just maybe, reaching all the way to the moon.
“You’re here,” I say, surprised to find Jasper in our room when I arrive there a little later. He’s poking his head around the doorframe of the en suite bathroom, basically ready for bed in his boxers and T-shirt, toothbrush sticking out from the side of his mouth adorably.
Outside, the fire is still burning, but more and more wolves are heading to their bunks, looking for a little rest and maybe somewhere quiet to pray before tomorrow. And tired as all hell, I thought I’d turn in as well.
“Disappointed?” he asks jokingly, a little toothpaste foaming in the corner of his lips.
“No,” I say, sitting on the bed. “The opposite. I wanted to see you.”
Looking over his shoulder in the mirror, he locks eyes with me while he finishes brushing. Once done, he spits and rinses, then moves to his side of the bed, sitting up against the headboard.
“Everything okay?” he asks, reaching out a hand across the comforter.
I take it, fiddling with his knuckles. “Yeah, it’s just a weird vibe tonight.”
“I know,” he says.
I prop my knee up on the mattress and turn to face him a little more.
“And . . . I wasn’t going to say anything but has Tobias said anything to you about—about—”
“Having a last-minute marking ceremony?”
I deflate, breathing a sigh of relief. “Yes! Is he on you too?”
Jasper smiles, his cheeks flushing a little. “He’s like a dog with a bone, or . . . I guess, he is a dog, sort of. Anyway, he’s totally obsessed. You can just ignore him.”
When I don’t say anything right away, Jasper squints and gives me a questioning look.
“Unless, you don’t want to ignore him?”
It’s suddenly way too hot and the mattress is too soft underneath me. I jump up, pacing my side of the room like a mad witch.
“No, it’s not that. I don’t . . . I still don’t think I’m ready but . . .”
“You’re making me dizzy.” He dives across the mattress so he’s lying on his stomach but manages to latch on to my hand with his. “Come here.” Easily, he tugs me to the bed. I maneuver my way to lying down beside him and he pulls me in super tight. “What’s got you freaked?” he asks.
“I’m not freaked. I guess I’m just scared, a bit, and wondering, what if something bad happens—”
“Nothing bad is going to happen.”
“You don’t know that,” I snap, my words coming out a little too forcefully. Instantly I regret it and soften my expression so Jasper knows I didn’t mean it. He only holds me tighter.
“Okay,” he says. “I can’t promise nothing bad is going to happen. But that doesn’t mean we need to make any big decisions. If we’re not marked and something does happen, it doesn’t mean we love each other any less. Right?” He waits for a response, that I can’t give. “Right?!”
I pull myself together. “No, yes! Right. Of course that’s right. I just . . . I know it means a lot to you.”
Gently, he brushes a curl behind my ear, laughing softly like I’m being ridiculous—cute, but ridiculous.
“You’re crazy, you know that, right?” he says, those big green eyes swirling, begging me to dive in and drown. “I would never want you to do anything before you’re ready.”
With a hand on the back of my head he pulls my face to his chest and holds me, rocking ever so slightly.
“I need to tell you something,” I say, but it comes out all muffled against his shirt.
“Huh?”
I move back, away even, out of his embrace, because I couldn’t stand it if he pulled away first.
“I need to tell you something.”
He sits up on an elbow, looking not-so-mildly concerned.
“Max, what is it?”
“I lied about—well, not lied exactly, but there’s something I haven’t told you.”
“Okaaaaay?”
“I don’t want to go to college in New York.
I secretly applied to CalArts and I got in.
And I only didn’t tell you because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do and then all this pack war stuff happened and it never seemed like the right time, but it feels like I’m leaving and I haven’t said anything, and I totally don’t have to go if you don’t want me to and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and actually, the last few weeks I’ve been wondering if it’s even the right place for me and not sure what I should do and I guess, I’ve—I guess I’ve—”