36. Wren
WREN
Sitting with Viktor calmed me. His presence grounded me, and as long as he kept his arm around me or his hand on mine, I didn’t have to feel untethered and stuck in the hell of what happened earlier.
The moment of fearing for my life.
The instance of dreading that Paul could die.
The horror of someone like Smithson turning so rotten to want me to die because of his crimes and wrongdoings.
All those replaying images could go dark in my mind so long as I held on to him.
He was here.
They were all here.
Like any expert task force I ever could have dreamed of being in any actual law enforcement agency, they were all here and taking charge.
A real team.
A real family.
I witnessed how they came together in the goodness of life, like when they celebrated Isabel being born. And how they came together with the worst of life, with the threat of death, when an intruder meant real peril against one of their own.
When Elena, Carina, and Mila showed up, they freaked out, panicked, took charge, and helped.
Respectively. Elena wasn’t ideal in a time of crisis, but I was so relieved that I wasn’t there alone, holding up Paul and yelling helplessly for someone to be around.
Hearing that one of the guards had been tased bothered me, but I was thankful Smithson hadn’t tried to kill anyone else.
Only me.
I put my hand on my lower stomach and sighed.
And you?
The longer I sat there and grappled with how close I’d come to danger like that, I sank into this weightless sense of pride and euphoria that I survived. That I had kept my cool and acted fast enough in self-defense. All those trainings really had processed in my brain.
But it wasn’t only for me.
It was for this baby I might be carrying too.
That was why I couldn’t linger down there and sit and listen to them. Reminded of that deep sense of family these Volkovs lived and breathed, I felt like it was that much more prudent that I find out if I was carrying the next part of the family.
Another precious baby to bring into the world.
I came up and hoped that Viktor would assume I needed some space or something like that.
And that he’d give it to me. That man was protective as hell, and I liked that, I loved that and didn’t take that side of him for granted.
But I could also tell how he was able to not have to freak out because I’d handled the situation too.
He wasn’t here to be overprotective in the manner of hovering over me. He was a security-minded man who could respect that I wasn’t helpless, too.
I ripped the top off the box and checked the instructions. Then with that giddy sense of butterflies taking off in my stomach, that apprehension, I took a deep breath and did the test.
I realized I didn’t have my phone with me, but that didn’t matter. I counted the seconds down and paced. Shielding my face with my hand at my temple, I deliberately avoided looking at it until I was sure that roughly six minutes had passed.
Then I lowered my gaze, holding my breath.
Pregnant.
It was positive.
And I sighed heavily as a smile crossed my face.
It wasn’t as much of a surprise as it might have been in other circumstances. That was how sure of myself and knowing my body that I was.
I assessed my symptoms. I ascertained that I was likely pregnant. And I was acting on the news so far by…
I sucked in a breath and rode out the wave of joy. Shock. And a little worry. Well, a lot of worry.
Placing my hand on my flat stomach, I paced in the bathroom and tried to dissect how much this change would upend my life. I was glad for a child. I was thrilled, but this would be such a humongous thing to adapt to.
Before I could think about any other details of how this would go, I understood with crystal clarity that this would permanently bind my future to Viktor. I would irrevocably be tied to the Volkov Bratva.
Not as an agent for them. Not as someone who’d work for them.
But as a mother of one of their children.
Soft knocks sounded on the door and I flinched at the intrusion.
It couldn’t have been Viktor or anyone else. It was too gentle of a knock.
I opened the door, finding Mila there.
She raised her brows. “You okay?”
I nodded. Then I winced.
She shook her head. “Not okay?”
I swallowed and debated telling her why I probably looked so overwhelmed.
“I just know that you had that test, and with how soon we’d come back and all this probably happened, I imagined that maybe you still hadn’t taken it and didn’t know if you’re…
” She gestured at me vaguely. “So with all that happened, if you wanted someone to be on standby while you do take it, I was going to offer to watch out here for Viktor or anyone else coming so you could take it in privacy.”
I lifted the test stick and showed it to her.
She blinked and slowly smiled. “Oh, wow. You… did it.”
I stepped out of the bathroom and closed the bedroom door. “More like Viktor and I did it.”
“Uh, that too.”
I paced, unable to hide what I was sure was a panicky face.
“Are you okay with that?”
“Doing Viktor?” I asked, knowing damn well that wasn’t what she meant but needing to distract myself somehow because just accepting the fact that I was pregnant was so much to absorb. “Yes, of course I am.”
“I meant having his baby.”
“Yes.” I pressed my hand to my forehead as I paced. “Yes, I’m okay with that. I’m more than okay with that. But it’s just so much. It’s a lot. And I’m not even married to him or even sure if I’m technically his girlfriend or if he loves me or—”
“All right, I can tell you that he does.” She nodded as I glanced at her, still pacing. “I mean, we can all see that he does. It’s obvious. Some of these Volkov men are not, um, the best at expressing their emotions with words.”
“I know. But…” I sighed, letting my shoulders slump. “It’s scary with all the unknowns. I’m not secured into the family like Elena or Carina are. Or you, even though you’re the only one who’s not pregnant yet.”
“Um.” She cringed. “I am, actually.”
My mouth hung open. “What?”
She nodded, smiling more after that element of surprise. “Lev and I just haven’t shared the news yet. We only just found out and we didn’t want to steal the thunder with Isabel being born and all.”
“And now I’m pre-emptively stealing your thunder.” I hugged her. “Congratulations, Mila!”
She hugged me back gently. “We were hoping to keep it just to ourselves for a little while, at least.”
“I won’t tell.”
She laughed lightly. “So you’ll keep two pregnancies secret?”
I winced. “I don’t want to hide it from Viktor at all. But… it can’t be an easy conversation.”
“Maybe and maybe not. It is intimidating getting welcomed into this family. I didn’t have an easy time of it either.
Elena and Carina will tell you the same thing.
But we’ve all managed to find our purpose and figure out how we can make everything work.
It is a culture shock, being here. I can confidently tell you that no matter how scary it is, and no matter how many unknowns come at you, they are the good guys.
You don’t have to question your ethics and principles like that.
They have their own views and ways of making the world a better place, like you always say you want to, but they are fighting the good fight. ”
I hugged her again, so glad to hear her perspective.
“And Viktor will stand by you. All of them will move heaven and earth to protect all of us in the Bratva.”
I smiled at her, knowing she was talking from experience.
She didn’t have to convince me any further. I truly believed her. But she wouldn’t have had the time to explain anything else to me, anyway.
It sounded like the men were coming upstairs.
“It can seem scary to be this involved in their family,” she whispered. “But it’s worth it.”
Knocks sounded on the door to the bedroom. These were the heavy-handed raps of a man’s fist. “Wren?”
Viktor was there.
“Yeah.” He opened the door, and he and Lev entered.
“There you are,” Lev said, smiling at his wife.
“There you are,” Viktor echoed, looking at me with concern.
And here we are, about to see how you’ll react to the news that we’re going to have a baby.