Chapter 6 #2
Probably another perimeter check or something.
She finished with her sister and her own sandwich, then went out to her car to grab her suitcase.
She’d been so tired yesterday, she hadn’t bothered fighting the rain to bring it in.
But now it was morning and she needed to take a shower, not to mention setting up her stuff here.
If Dad was discharged today, he’d be coming to this cabin—he’d insisted—so there was no point in her going back to the hospital.
She’d do more good stocking his refrigerator and doing his laundry.
God only knew when he’d last washed his sheets.
She’d just pulled on shorts and a tee when she heard Mark come into the cabin. She couldn’t deny the tightening in her gut at the sound of his heavy footfalls, but was it excitement or fear? What was the prudent course of action?
Annoyed with the whirling in her thoughts, she headed for her bathroom to brush her teeth and delay seeing him for another few minutes.
But it didn’t help. All she did was churn through the same questions while her anxiety climbed another notch.
Was she safe? Was he right, and there was really something dangerous out there?
Why was she so attracted to him? Would he flip out on her?
She rinsed. Spit. Grabbed a dry towel and cleaned off. Then looked in the mirror and choked on her scream.
He stood right behind her. Large. His eyes intense and a little wild. And his whole body dwarfed her by many inches on all sides.
“Mark?” she managed in a quavering voice.
“You’re trying to make yourself afraid of me,” he said, his voice low and dark.
It was on her lips to deny it, but the way he was looking at her made her hold back the words. He wasn’t angry. He was hurt. “You confuse me,” she said honestly.
“I’d never hurt you.”
She swallowed. The way he said it, she believed him. But what was happening here was beyond weird. “I don’t know what you’re thinking. I can’t read you and—”
He stepped closer, blocking her in on all sides.
Her words ended on a squeak of alarm, but the rest of her heated at his nearness.
She didn’t even have room to turn to face him.
Then he leaned forward, his hands gripping the counter on either side of her.
And his head bent down slowly to press lightly against the side of her head while the heat of his body seeped into her backside.
“I thought about you,” he said softly. “All night, I thought about when we were teens. About what we did and how I wanted you.” He swallowed. “And how I blew it.” He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. “I’m sorry, Julie. I was an ass.”
“I already forgave you yesterday. And long ago.”
She felt his body pressing against her, hot and hard. Not just his muscles, but the thickness between her butt cheeks. Their clothes did not mask his erection, and she was both terrified and aroused by the feel of him right there.
“I know I’m crazy,” he said against her temple. “I know I frighten you.”
She wanted to deny it, but couldn’t.
His eyes remained closed as he spoke, and so she watched the tight muscles of his face and felt the slow, steady pressure of his body against hers. “I’m dying, Julie. Literally. I won’t see the New Year. Probably won’t make it to October.”
She jolted. “What?” The idea that this vital man would be gone in a few months was completely alien to her. He was too strong, too much here for him to ever be gone. It made no sense. She started to twist to look at him, but his hands shifted to grip her hips and hold her in place.
“Don’t move. Let me explain.”
She stilled and waited, but he didn’t speak. Eventually, she huffed out a breath.
“You’re supposed to be explaining.”
He chuckled, sounding so casual that she felt whiplash again. He was laughing off his death as if it were a minor technicality. “Turns out there isn’t much to explain. The…disease doesn’t matter. We’ve tried everything.”
“Like…chemo and stuff?”
“Stuff,” he said as he pressed his lips against her forehead.
He didn’t even seem to know he was doing it.
He just rolled his head lightly and pressed his lips against her.
“I’ve known for years. Fought it for years.
Eventually, it just wins and all I’m left with is regrets.
” He swallowed. “I’m sorry I hurt you back then. ”
She leaned her head back. She didn’t want to. The situation was too weird. But his shoulder was so broad it just worked for her to settle against the shelf of his collarbone. And she felt safe. Insane to feel that way, but she did. “You’re forgiven already. Geez, let it rest.”
At least the pieces now fell into place.
The mood swings between Neanderthal and über-logical.
The casual disregard of the normal rhythms of life.
If she thought she was going to die in a few months, she sure as hell would sleep whenever she felt like it, day or night.
She’d drink whatever coffee she wanted and answer the door naked. Who the hell cared?
God, he was dying? The very idea made her tear up. He couldn’t be. He was too alive.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered. “Not for me.”
“Why not for you?” she asked.
She met his gaze in the mirror and tried to blink away the blurred vision. His eyes looked sad and hungry all at once. His hands tightened on her hips.
“Please don’t cry,” he said. “You’re too beautiful to cry.”
The way he said it made her heart ache. He really thought her big bones and huge boobs were beautiful, not to mention her belly.
She took a deep breath and tried to gain control.
Not only of her emotions, but of where they stood in the bathroom and what he was doing.
He was holding her pressed against the sink, stopping her from touching him while he all but laid himself along her back.
“Mark,” she said as she straightened up. “Mark, step back.”
He didn’t want to. She saw it in his eyes. But he pulled himself back from her, and she used the space to turn around. To face him. To look into his eyes and feel everything she’d been fighting.
“Mark…” she whispered, wishing she knew the right words to say. His gaze caught and held on her mouth, but he kept his body away. And then she knew it wasn’t words he needed. And though her mind screamed warning alarms, the rest of her just went with the emotions churning within her.
“This disease you have. Is it…contagious?”
He shook his head. “You can’t catch it. I wouldn’t endanger you that way.”
“Is there any way at all for me to catch it? Like, is it AIDS or something like that?”
His lips twisted into a wry smile. “I’d never endanger you that way,” he repeated. “There is nothing we could do that would make you sick.”
She nodded, smiling slowly. “I’m still making you use a condom.”
He nodded, clearly not processing what she’d just said. Then a second later, his eyes abruptly widened. His body jolted then stilled into wariness. “I—Julie—”
“You weren’t the only one thinking about that time when we were teens. I spent the last night dreaming about making love with you.” She cast her voice light as a way to hide the intensity of the emotions she felt. “I figure if you’re horny and I’m horny, we might as well—”
“Pity fuck?”
Her chin jerked up. “Not on my end. Is that what it would take for you to want me?”
Again the blink, but this time he pulled back. “What? Jesus, no! God, I’ve wanted you since I was sixteen.”
Well, that couldn’t possibly be true. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have disappeared back then. He must have read the doubt on her face because his hands tightened into fists.
“I told you I was an idiot. I ran off because I freaked out. You were too much. I wanted so much. I was afraid for us both, and so I ran. And I kept running for six weeks.”
She frowned. “What?”
“I stayed in the woods for six weeks starting from that night on. By the time I calmed down…by the time I got back to me, you’d already left.”
She couldn’t fathom it. “Six weeks? No way.”
He dipped his chin. A quick jerk down and to the side. He was embarrassed. So she touched his cheek, bringing his gaze back up to hers.
“I never know if you mean what you say. Six weeks in the woods?”
He shrugged. “Call me the original mountain man.”
“Because you freaked out.”
“Yup.”
“I don’t know whether to be flattered or pissed that my naked body could freak someone out for six weeks.
” A month and a half. Because of what they’d done together?
Which hadn’t even been the full deed. Sure, she’d gotten off—multiple times because he gave the best oral sex she’d ever had.
But when it had come time for more—for him—he’d gotten all weird and run off.
“Tell it to me one more time. You freaked out why? And disappeared for how long? No bullshit.”
He took a deep breath. “I wanted you so bad, Julie. I knew if we did…it, I’d never stop.
I’d change and I’d be…” He rubbed his hand over his face.
“Just trust me on this. You were here for the summer and no more. There were things you don’t know about me.
I just couldn’t control it around you, so I ran.
It’s hard at that age not to…you know…hurt a girl. ”
She searched his face, reading the truth in his expression.
She’d thought he’d run off because he couldn’t face being with her that way.
He was saying it was because the feelings were too intense.
That he had wanted her too much. That was so…
so…wonderful. Adolescent love is so pure and passionate.
She’d always missed having a teen love like in books where the need was all encompassing.
Sure, she’d felt that for him, but she had no idea about him.
Or rather, when he’d disappeared, she figured he didn’t feel the same.
What if she’d gotten it all wrong?
She stroked her hand up his jaw, a slow caress over clenched muscle and bone. “So we both got confused back then. Care to try again?”
He looked at her, need hot in his eyes, but his body remained still. “I can’t promise anything, Julie. I’m not going to last much longer.”
She swallowed away the lump in her throat. “I can’t promise anything, either. I’m just here because of my father. I have a life in Chicago. Just got a good raise.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” She stepped closer to him. Then she dared press a light kiss to his lips.
He clung to her, pressing against her, but not taking over.
And certainly not devouring her the way she remembered from when she was sixteen.
So she pulled back. “Mark, I’m an adult and I don’t do this ever.
But I know I want to. Let’s fix what we broke years ago. Let’s do it right, okay?”
He nodded, a quick jerk of his head. “Okay.”
She smiled. “So—”
She didn’t get more words out. He picked her up, swinging an arm beneath her knees. He was so amazingly strong.
She squeaked in alarm and threw her arms around his shoulders while everything inside her went liquid with pleasure.
To be held like this—so easily—and carried straight to her bed was like all her romantic and erotic fantasies coming true.
Then he set her down gently without strain.
And while she sank into the mattress, he came down over her.
She lifted her face to his while his eyes roved over her. So intense. So hungry.
“Mark…” she murmured, gently stroking her finger across his mouth.
He licked her finger, a long curl of his tongue before sucking her inside. Meanwhile, his hands began to move, rolling up her waist onto her breasts. He held her in both hands and pinched her nipples. Even through her bra, she could feel the sharp bite of it, and she gasped in pleasure.
“God, yes,” she whispered. “Do that again.”
He paused a moment, then abruptly grabbed her tee, lifting it off her in one quick pull. A moment later, he’d unhooked her bra and set her free.
“God, yes,” he echoed as he looked at her breasts. Then he grinned. “I’m going to do that a lot.”