Chapter 2 #2
But what should be at least six hours of uninterrupted sleep only turns out to be forty-five minutes. The sleepiness that crawls over me wears off as my mind turns back on and thoughts about the pregnancy test wake me up.
I roll over, slipping away from Jin, trying to get comfortable again. A feat that suddenly feels impossible. If it’s not one thing, it’s the other, like the room temperature being too warm or my leg feeling restless.
My stomach churns from nerves or nausea; I’m not even sure which anymore.
I try to shut out the thoughts that come one right after the other. The same questions I’ve been turning over in my head from the moment the two pink lines appeared on the screen of the stick I’d peed on.
After what feels like hours of tossing and turning, I can’t take it anymore. Even another minute will drive me crazy.
“Jin,” I whisper almost timidly into the darkness. “Are you awake?”
“Yes,” he answers at once. It’s as if he’s been lying beside me as I’ve fretted and tossed and turned, waiting out the inevitable moment where I’d consult him. He confirms this only a second later by adding, “You’ve been restless.”
“Sorry… I didn’t mean to move around so much and keep you up. It’s just…” I let out a shaky breath, trying to piece together where I’m even going with this.
He hooks an arm around my waist and draws my body back to his. In the shadowy room, he’s just an indistinct dark outline, but his presence more than makes up for it.
It’s the sort of commanding presence that makes me feel safe and valid without even trying. As if he’s so attuned to me that no matter what I say, he’ll handle it and we’ll be okay.
It’s with this in mind that I finally have the courage needed to go on.
“Jin… I… I need to tell you something.”
“I know, Tokki-ya. I already figured that part out. Now tell me what it is.” He’s propped himself up on his elbow, his other arm still slung over my hip.
My heart rate picks up, doubling within seconds. Unsure how else to phrase it, I go into ramble mode.
“I… okay, so… you know how I was feeling sick at lunch? And how I’ve been tired lately and my feet have been swollen and my breasts kind of tender?” I ask, speaking fast. “Um… well, I didn’t think anything of it. I figured it was jet leg or stress or maybe I caught a bug or something.
“Then tonight I picked up a test when we stopped at the drugstore. I took it when we got home, but I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to worry you if it was nothing—”
“Tokki-ya,” Jin interrupts calmly. His hand disappears from my hip and comes up instead to cup my cheek. “Breathe. Just tell me what it is.”
“Right,” I exhale. “Okay. I’m… with child.”
It’s possibly the weirdest pregnancy announcement known to man, but I can’t bring myself to say the P word just yet.
Right now, it’s all I can do to keep from spewing more sick across the bedsheets. My heart feels like it’s leaped into my throat and a thousand more thoughts form thinking about our future.
The huge change that this’ll be for us both.
Silence meets my confession. But I don’t need any light or sound in the room to confirm I’m still under Jin’s study—his gaze is palpable and so is the energy he exudes. Though that doesn’t make it any easier to pick up on how he’s taking the news.
Is he upset? Angry? Nervous? Over the moon?
My mind spirals, then my mouth opens and I find myself rambling again.
“I know this wasn’t the plan. We’re not even married yet, and we haven’t set a wedding date, and your life is so complicated with the Baekho Pa and everything that’s happening with the Bulgeomhoe, and bringing a baby into all of this is probably the last thing you need right now.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen. My IUD is supposed to be 99% effective, but obviously we’re part of that freak 1%, which is so on brand for us, right? Anyway, if you feel like you’re not—”
“Tokki-ya,” he says simply. “Stop. Breathe, remember?”
I snap my mouth shut, my pulse racing.
Jin is quiet for a moment longer, then he’s stroking my cheek some more. “I’m surprised. I won’t pretend otherwise,” he says. “This is... unexpected.”
My stomach drops. “Jin—”
“But,” he continues, his thumb stroking along my cheekbone, “I’m in love with you. You know this. Which means I want this baby. Our baby.”
The breath I didn’t realize I was holding rushes out of me all at once. It sounds a lot like the air being let out of a tire. We’re so hyper focused on each other, it doesn’t even matter.
“I want to be your husband,” Jin explains. “Which also means I want to be the father of our child. This changes the timeline, not my intentions.”
Tears prick at my eyes, hot and sudden. “Really?”
“Did you think I would react differently?”
“I didn’t know what to think. That was kind of the problem. I took the test and then went into overload mode. This is a huge change, Jin. This… this will change everything.”
He silences me with a kiss to the lips.
Slow, deep, tender.
It rights my world in the moment, chasing away the fluttering in my stomach and bringing a smile to my face when he pulls back.
“It will,” he admits. “But it will be for the better.”
“You think so?”
“It’s the life we created together. That could never be wrong.
” We come together for another quick, sweet peck on the lips.
Jin’s long fingers glide along my cheek down to my jaw, more so absentmindedly than anything.
“But don’t keep things from me, alright?
From now on, we tell each other everything. ”
I nod along. “I know. I just… needed a moment to process it myself first. I’m going to be someone’s mom.”
Though I don’t know it for sure, I sense the flicker of amusement passing across his features. He traces my jawline and then says, “Spooky. The only thing scarier is the fact that I’m about to be someone’s dad.”
I laugh at his dark joke, then snuggle closer, drowsiness suddenly returning.
We fall back to sleep for good, the uncertainty and anxiety I’d been feeling long gone.