Chapter 20 Jin #3
Panic truly sets in, and she screams against the palm I have cupped over her mouth. She bucks against me, thrashing and throwing her head back to bash me in the face.
For as clever and resourceful as my rabbit is, she’s not a competent enough fighter to ward me off or stand a chance if I give even half an effort.
As her head thrusts back to collide with mine, I swerve in the nick of time, proving she can’t reach me without dislocating her own neck.
She’s still twisting and turning in my arms as I drag her with me. I take us down the narrow entryway of the alley between the bar and another old and forgotten commerce building.
Her teeth sink into the skin of my palm, and I grunt at how fucking hard she bites down. But I still don’t let go, dragging her further down the dark and dingy alleyway as she goes wild with panic.
She doesn’t know who has hold of her—from her view it could be anyone accosting her on the street.
It could be someone dragging her into an alley to mug her or do far worse.
Yet a cruel part of me revels in her panic. In the fact she’s so desperate to set herself free after she was so fucking foolish to come to Jangnim-dong in the first place. She should know better than to wander into a neighborhood like this—than to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong.
We stagger past a rusted dumpster and more piles of trash and discarded waste as I make a spur of the moment decision. I wrench her with me into the old, unused building, figuring it’s optimum for privacy.
We’re half cloaked by shadows as we cross over the threshold, and Monroe manages to slip one of her arms free. My rabbit raises hell as soon as she does, throwing her fist back blindly in hopes she’ll hit some part of me.
It almost makes me produce a dark laugh as I restrain her, easily overpowering her, holding her body against mine and bringing my lips next to her ear.
“Stop fighting,” I growl. “You struggle, you make it worse.”
“You asshole!” she screams hysterically against my palm. She jerks and twists some more. “HELP ME!”
I nip at her ear, tightening my grip and flexing my strength.
Showing her how easily I can crush her if I really wanted to.
“I said stop fucking fighting! Unless you want to suffer for it,” I rumble, my temper flaring up.
She chokes on the gasp she releases as she recognizes my voice. She pushes away from me as I finally let go, almost stumbling in her haste to put distance between us.
“You!” she screams incredulously. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”
Her chest is heaving, and her eyes are wild and dark. Her lips are fuller than usual, deliciously parted and forming an O as she stares at me as if I’m her nightmare come to life.
“Me?” I hiss, taking a step toward her. “What’s wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you? Wandering the streets of Jangnim-dong alone in the evening, walking into bars where the worst criminals in Busan—”
“Don’t you dare turn this around on me!” she screams. “We’re broken up, Jin. Broken. Up. That means you don’t get to follow me through the streets like some kind of psycho stalker—”
“I get to do whatever is necessary to make sure you don’t get yourself into trouble you can’t get out of!”
“And who determines that? You?! HA!” She barks out a harsh, exaggerated laugh, so angry her nostrils are flaring.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it, Jin! I knew you had Sang-cheol tailing me—which was bad enough—but now you’re doing it yourself?
How long have you been following me? How long have you been standing in the dark watching me like some obsessed, broken—”
“If not for me, what the fuck do you think would happen to you?” I growl in interruption. Frustration boils over, and I snatch her by the wrist, wrenching her back toward me. “Do you think you can’t possibly be in danger because we’re broken up? Are you that na?ve?”
“It doesn’t matter either way! This is a violation,” she snaps, tugging to free her wrist despite how my long fingers remain clenched shut around it. “I asked you to stay away. I gave back the ring. I told you I couldn’t do this anymore, and you said you understood—”
“I lied,” I snarl back. “So long as you keep putting yourself in stupid situations, I will be there to make sure it doesn’t backfire in your face.”
“Who asked you to? That’s what you don’t seem to understand!”
“No one needed to! Don’t you get it? Don’t you know that it’s still my responsibility? I’ve tried—I fucking tried—but I couldn’t do it. I had to make sure.”
“Jin, let go of my wrist!” she says impatiently as she tugs her arm back. “I don’t even get what you’re talking about!”
I only step closer, invading her space, clenching her wrist tighter as I glare into her eyes.
“You, Tokki-ya! You are what I’m talking about—I tried to keep my distance.
I tried to stay away. Yet I wound up following you.
I turned up outside your building and watched your window for hours.
Standing in the dark until the light in your window went out and I knew you were safe.
“Do you think I’ve wanted to obsess the way I have?
For me to spiral when it’s never been in my nature before?
” I rant frantically. “It’s nothing I ever anticipated—you invading my black heart and making me feel things I never should’ve!
It is your fault you have me like this—that I’m unable to resist you, even now! ”
As my tangent goes on, Monroe’s eyes widen and flicker with confusion then recognition as she pieces together what I’m saying.
We’ve only gravitated closer, with my grip firm on her wrist and her processing the turn of events.
Stunned by the admission I’m making.
“If you think I will ever stand aside while you get yourself killed chasing after Black Shell,” I go on bitterly, “then you are as na?ve as you seem!”
“How do you know about—”
“You think you’re the only one to visit Dok-su’s bar?” I ask. “You’re not the only one seeking answers about Black Shell. But it’s not your place to do so.”
“Funny you seem to think it’s your place to dictate that!”
“I can and will as far as Black Shell is concerned. I won’t let you get involved!”
“Too late for that—I was involved the moment he sent us flowers congratulating us on our baby boy!” she cries out, voice strangled by emotion. “Do you remember him, Jin? Our son? The one you’ve refused to grieve. The loss we suffered, yet you refuse to tell me what the hell is going on.”
“What more is there to say about it? He’s a threat you are to stay away from.”
“You know what? I can’t do this anymore. I’m not going to. Let. Go. Of. My. Wrist!” she screams frustratedly as her struggles return.
She pulls and tugs and jerks herself back in her desperate bid to break my hold. I’m equally as persistent and immovable as she proves to be stubborn and thrashing, making for an interesting combination.
A dance of sorts, where she twists frantically and I reel her closer with utmost ease. Her free hand curls into a fist she beats against my chest as she fights to be freed and her round features contort in anger.
I’m angry too. I’m fucking pissed I’m even in this situation, where I’ve once again behaved impulsively and not only followed her; I’ve revealed my hand by confessing how obsessed and fixated I still am.
The scuffle between us abruptly ends when Monroe goes to slam her fist into me a second time and my reflexes respond as quickly as ever. I catch it, now gripping both her hands, abandoning any restraint in that single second.
I drag her the rest of the way toward me, closing the ever-shrinking gap between us and doing what I’ve thought about for weeks.
From the moment our relationship started to crumble.
I press my lips to hers and kiss her hard and deep. I kiss her so suddenly it leaves us both shocked.
Monroe by how she gasps the second our lips touched. Me by the wave of confusion that passes through me.
I don’t understand why I’m doing what I am in this moment. I’m normally so strategic and calculated, but it’s safe to say the old Jin, once so disciplined, has been fading away for a while.
The new reckless version of me I’m becoming doesn’t give a fuck. He drinks himself blind and murders his men if they so much as look at him wrong.
He obsessed over the woman he loves while pushing her away and refusing to be with her.
None of it makes any sense, yet in this moment, it doesn’t need to.
For both of us, the kiss becomes immediate respite. A break from our dark and depressing reality as Monroe fists my shirt and parts her lips.
It’s merely an opportunity for me to devour her further. I push my tongue into her mouth and tangle my fingers in her tight curls, tilting her head further back and deepening our kiss.
Seconds pass before she seems to come to her senses and tries to wrench herself back all over again. Her fingers loosen on the fabric of my shirt, and she shoves at my chest, making strangled sounds of protest.
I draw back long enough to look her in the eye and see my reflection shining back up at me. Her eyes are wide and dark, pupils dilated. She’s borderline panting as we pause and stare as if silently debating whether to give in.
Our final chance to turn back rather than make a foolish mistake.
Then the moment passes, and Monroe’s grabbing at my shirt again and yanking my mouth down to hers.
Our lips crash together in a violent collision. A hard kiss that’s urgent and desperate enough it doesn’t matter that we bite each other’s lips and draw blood. I groan into her mouth as I taste copper and respond by groping at her hips and ass through her jeans.
She wraps her legs around me, and I hoist her off the ground, driving us toward the nearest wall.
The impact is hard. The weak plaster creaks. Dust rains down from the rafters in a pale cascade around us, and neither of us even flinches.