Chapter 13
That sensation of joy and relief and completeness sustains me for a few moments longer, completely washing away all the anxiety I’ve been feeling for the past day or so. The contrast is breathtaking, and, for a second, I feel like I’m on top of the world. I’m so happy he’s back.
But the feeling recedes, leaving a deep sense of confusion behind.
What the hell? I mean, yeah, he’s my ally, but I doubt I’d be reacting like this if it were Katie, or Marina, or even Rhonda.
Why do I care so much? There’s no reason for me to be this happy, this excited, that Cole’s still here. Unless—
Then it hits me like a ton of bricks, and a heavy pit forms somewhere deep in my chest. Unless I’m starting to fall for him.
Now that I’m thinking about it, it makes perfect sense: it’s the reason why I was so upset yesterday at the thought of Cole going home, why I’ve been so reluctant to get rid of him in the first place, even though I know he’s a threat.
Hell, it even explains why I didn’t want to get to know him at the beginning of the game.
Part of me must have known that if I got too close to him, I’d start to have feelings for him.
I thought I was immune to his charms, but I was wrong.
The feeling of heaviness in the pit of my stomach grows, and suddenly it feels difficult to breathe.
Oh, this is very, very bad. If this is how I’m reacting now, barely halfway through this game, can I really trust myself not to fall head over heels in love with him over the next two weeks?
I still think he needs to go home if I want to have any chance of winning, but will I be able to pull the trigger when and if the time comes?
“Maybe I should just vote him out now and save myself the heartbreak,” I mutter, keeping my voice low so the others don’t hear me.
But it doesn’t take very long to realize that I couldn't do that even if I wanted to. For better or worse, I need him—and Marina and Katie and Rhonda too—at least for the next few votes, or I’ll be dead in the water.
The first priority has to be getting rid of the Sikas and getting my alliance to the final five.
If we don’t stick together, we’ll all be sitting ducks, just waiting for the Sikas to take us out one by one.
No. I just have to focus on the game. And I definitely can’t let anyone, especially Cole, find out I see him as anything more than an ally, because if they do, they might use it to their advantage.
Besides, it’s not like anything will come of it anyway.
Cole hasn’t given me a single indication that he’s interested in men at all, let alone me.
I can’t imagine the embarrassment of getting rejected on primetime television while the whole world, including Arielle, watches.
All I can do is act like everything’s normal, no matter how much I may feel otherwise.
All this goes through my head as the motorboat slows down and comes ashore.
Soon, it stops, and the five newcomers—Cole and four I don’t recognize, meaning they must have voted out Jing last night—jump off the boat, while the five of us who are waiting walk out into the surf to greet them.
I intentionally put on a big smile; thankfully, it isn’t too difficult to act happy.
I did just make the merge with my alliance intact, and that’s something to celebrate.
When we reach Cole, Rhonda, Katie, Marina, and I wrap him up in a big hug, while Alina does the same with her former tribemates. “Boy, am I glad to see you guys,” Cole says, one arm wrapped around me and the other around Katie. “It feels like it’s been forever.”
“What happened over there last night?” Rhonda asks, grinning. “Not that we ain’t happy to see you too, but I woulda guessed they’d send you home, not Jing.”
Cole glances over to the Sikas—well, the former Sikas, I suppose—before turning back to us.
“I’ll tell you all about it later,” he says, his voice low.
“For now, let me just enjoy how good it feels to be back.” He turns to me, his eyes shining as bright as the midday sun.
“I know it’s only been a few days, but I’ve missed you so much. ”
By the time we all make our way back to the shelter a few minutes later, there’s a table spread with food and drinks waiting for us.
The producers must have been waiting for us to go down to the shore so they could set it up, although who knows where they were keeping it before that.
We take our seats at the table and begin eating our sandwiches and fruit, trying and failing to maintain table manners as we do.
I may have eaten yesterday, but when you don’t know when you’ll be eating real food again, you take every single opportunity to get some fuel in you.
Meanwhile, the five who didn’t win the last reward are even more ravenous, having not eaten a full meal since before the game started two and a half weeks ago.
Once we’ve devoured enough to take the edge off our hunger, we go down the line and introduce ourselves to our new tribemates.
Marina goes first, then me, Katie, and Rhonda.
Then it’s on to the former Sikas. Of course, I’ve met Alina, but I’ve only seen the other four at challenges and on the very first day, so I’m excited to meet them.
First up is Green Hat, otherwise known as Randy.
His facial hair has grown from a goatee to a beard, giving him even more of a scruffy look.
He tells us that he lives in Mississippi and that he’s a trucker.
“I’m sure y’all are very surprised to hear that,” he says to general laughter, his Southern accent even deeper than Rhonda’s.
“But seriously, I’m lookin’ forward to gettin’ to know y’all. ”
Next is the young woman with long braids in her hair, who pauses eating a ham and cheese sandwich to introduce herself.
“Nice to meet you all,” she says. Her brown eyes sparkle with intelligence, and she gives us a cautious smile in between bites.
“I’m Tamika, and I used to be a competitive swimmer, but now I’m a grad student in New York. ”
After her is a man who appears to be about my age, or maybe a couple of years older, named Ashraf.
“I work in cybersecurity,” he says, frowning lightly as he peels an orange.
Like Alina, he wears glasses, although his are thicker than hers.
“I was born in Pakistan, but I moved to the U.S. more than a decade ago, and now I live in Silicon Valley.”
Lastly, there’s a tall, willowy white woman with shoulder-length dirty blond hair, who tells us her name is Jennifer.
“But you can call me Jenny,” she says with a quick, high-pitched laugh.
If I had to guess, I’d say she’s ten or fifteen years older than me, perhaps in her late thirties or early forties.
“I’m a farm vet out in Minnesota, so this”—she gestures to the beach—“is all completely new to me.”
“Well, it sure is nice to meet y’all,” Rhonda says, her inner Southern gentlewoman making an appearance. “And welcome to our home. Although, I suppose it’s your home too, now.”
Randy perks up. “Oh, that reminds me,” he says, taking a small bag out of his pocket. “Steve—the producer, I mean—gave me this. Said it’s our new insignias.”
He opens the bag and takes out a necklace with a red token dangling from it, passing it down to the other end of the table. When I get mine, I slip off my old one and put it in my pocket before putting on the new one. It’ll be a good souvenir, assuming I’m allowed to bring it home.
“We also have to pick a name for our new tribe,” Randy continues. “Pendin’ the producers’ approval, of course, just in case one of y’all was fixin’ to pick something naughty.”
We all share a laugh; I sincerely doubt any of us would want to do that even if they’d let us. Millions of people are going to watch this show when it airs, and none of us wants to look stupider than we already do.
“What about Sefulu?” suggests Jenny once the laughter dies down. “It means ‘ten’ in Samoan, and there are ten of us. It’ll be kind of like a reminder that we’re all one tribe now, even though we were separate before.”
Nobody has a better suggestion, so we agree to tell the producers that we’ve decided on Sefulu.
Everyone seems happy with it, even though they must have all realized the obvious irony.
There may be ten of us now, but it won’t be long before we’re down to nine, and I intend to make sure that it’s one of the former Sikas who goes home next.
After everyone’s had a chance to finish eating and disperse around the camp, I quietly go up to the other members of my alliance one by one and ask if they’d like to join me for a swim in the ocean.
Fortunately, they all catch on pretty quickly, and soon enough we’re all gathered in a loose circle about thirty feet from shore, far enough away that our voices won’t carry but close enough that we can see if any of the Sikas try to eavesdrop on us.
“So tell us, Cole, how’d you do it?” Marina asks. “I thought you were for sure going home last night.”
“To tell you the truth, I thought I was too,” Cole says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’m still here. But it was a mess.”
“I’m glad you’re still here, too,” I tell him, forgetting myself for just a second. Keep it together, Ryan! “I mean, I’m sure we all are,” I add hastily.